Lois (and various)
Meg (season 2+)
Chris (and various)
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Stewie's shirt says "Amateur Gynecologist", though the staff originally wanted it to say "Free Mustache Rides"
Brian is scared of the vacuum in this episode, but he isn't scared of the vacuum in Fore, Father. In fact, he's even seen vacuuming in that episode.
Stewie (After throwing a frisbee through the window): Oh no! Did that hit crazy stairs?
(Peter shoots the ceiling and Chris falls through)
Chris: Hi, Dad!
Peter: Go to your room.
(Chris runs upstairs only to fall back through the hole)
Stewie: (To Brian): I read your article too Brian. Seems to me you should spend less time working on the paper and more time (High Pitched) working on that novel you've been working on. You know, the one... (Brian hits him)
Little Girl: Mommy, mommy, my cat's stuck up a tree! Oh what will we do?
(Peter and his "A-Team" drive up)
Peter: Never fear little girl, the A-Team is here!
(Peter and his friends shoot the tree down and rescue the cat)
Man: Who the hell are you guys?!
Peter: (takes cigar out of his mouth) We're the A-Team.
Man: Get of my property!
Peter: Uh yes, guys, I think that might be a good idea. (they get in van and drive away)
(Brian is watching the Facts of Life)
Jo: Uh, Mrs. Garrett, can I ask you something?
Mrs. Garrett: What is it Jo?
Jo: Um... is it alright if your penis and vagina touch each other?
Mrs. Garrett: What?!
Jo: Yeah, I kinda woke up this morning and they were sort of touching each other.
Mrs. Garrett: You have both?!
Jo: Yeah, doesn't everyone?
Mrs. Garrett: No!
Lois: Oh, Brian, I can't believe they fired you! How come you never told us you dropped out of college?
Chris: I, I saw an after-school special about that! It didn't work out too well for Kristy McNichol, but, then again, nothing did...
Brian: Wow, you went to Harvard, huh? I'm an Ivy League man myself, I went to Brown.
Wellsley Sheperdson (New Yorker editor): Ooh, my incarcerated business partner's retarded gay niece went to Brown, what year did you graduate?
Brian: Well, I mean, I, I didn't... technically graduate.
Sheperdson: (gasps) You're a college dropout? Brian, The New Yorker does not employ your kind! You, sir, are fired!
(Flashback to Stewie on stage with long hair and a guitar)
Stewie: Uh, excuse me, it's been brought to my attention that a few bad apples are smoking marijuana. Uh, I've got news for you, my friend: marijuana's illegal, not cool! (Starts playing the guitar) Establishment, establishment, you always know what's best...
Hippie: You suck!
Stewie: Learn the rules!
Convention M.C.: Okay everyone, Alan Thicke will be up in a minute to answer your hate mail, but first, the winners of this year's costume contest. And the winners are: The A-Team with the real black guy.
Peter: A-Team roll call; Face?
Quagmire: Here and handsome!
Joe: Here, and... crazy!
Cleveland: I pity the fool! But also suggest ways he may better himself.
Brian: Umm...where are the toilets?
New Yorker Editor: Oh, no one at The New Yorker has an anus.
Gary Coleman as Stewie: Whatcha talkin' 'bout vile woman?!
The full title of this episode is Brian Goes Back To College (And Stewie Goes With Him For Obvious Comedic Reasons).
When Peter falls out of the jeep during the A-team parody, he does the same moaning and gasping maneuver he did in Wasted Talent after the tripping following the Willy Wonka parody.
Brian's professor at Brown uses the keys on his wheelchair to talk, but there are clearly only 20 keys, too few for all of the letters in the alphabet.
When Brian is training in the arctic weather. This is a reference to Rocky IV, He even calls out "Drago!" Rocky's opponent.
Ol' Man River
In the Ashlee Simpson flashback, when the wrong record is played, the song is "Ol' man river", performed by Paul Robeson, a singer from the early 20th century.
Quagmire (while dressed as Faceman) reacts to a Cylon from "Battlestar Galactica".
Faceman, on "The A-Team", was played by Dirk Benedict, who also played Starbuck in the original series of Battlestar Galactica.
When Brian is fired from the New Yorker, he is thrown out of the door, while a hand places a sign that says "NO DOGS ALLOWED." This was a running gag in the second Peanuts film, "Snoopy Come Home." The allusion is even completed by an exagerated bass voice talk-singing the phrase, which is also from the film. Brian then completes the Peanuts motif by walking away and climbing on top of a dog house while the "Linus and Lucy" theme plays.
The painting that Stewie bought and referred to as "Crazy Stairs" was actually an M.C. Escher entitled "Relativity". M.C. Escher is famous for painting a multitude of stairs going in many directions, which is what Stewie's painting had.
The Blair Witch Project
Upon hearing of Brian's firing, Stewie starts videotaping him hoping he will cry. Stewie gets bored of Brian and Lois' conversation and wanders off to see what Meg is up to. He goes into Meg's room and sees her in her bra and panties, and falls to the floor; the camera shows only his convulsing legs and we hear him gagging, a la the end of Blair Witch.
The sign at the door of the Quahog Convention Center reads:
80's Television Convention
In loving memory of Ubu
This is a reference to Ubu Roi, a black labrador retriever who was the mascot of UBU Productions, which produced many television shows including Family Ties and Spin City. Viewers may remember a picture of Ubu with a frisbee in his mouth and the voiceover "Sit, Ubu, sit! Good dog." followed by a bark. Ubu died in 1984.
Gary Coleman was a child actor, known for his role as Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Stokes. His "job" as Stewie's substitute is likely a reference to him being forced to take odd-jobs, including his infamous security guard job.
The board at the football game says "Brown vs. Board of Education" which is a name of a famous court case from 1954 concerning racial segregation of children at state schools.
The episode contains many, many references to Steven Cannell's hit series The A-Team, include the credits, cast members, van and basic show theme. It parodies a signature show element: weapons fire and vehicle accidents that somehow never injure or kill those involved.
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