Take My Wife
Chris (and various)
Lois (and various)
Meg (season 2+)
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
In the beginning of the episode, Lois says she promised her sister shed be on the first train to get to her, but when Peter and Lois take Carol to the hospital, which is exactly the same as the Quahog hospital, they are in the family's station wagon.
When Stewie wakes up from the sleeper hold, he puts coffee into the holder without a filter. But when he turns to see his future brother waking up, he drops the holder and there's clearly a filter in it.
The code Stewie used to open the storage area with his ship is 3515.
Peter: (imitating Ted) Carol? It's me, Ted. Listen, I came back because I love you and... (starts laughing) I'm just kinding it's me, Peter!
Carol: (laughs) It was so nice of you to come Peter. You're so considerate.
Peter: It was nothing! (smacks lamp off of the nightstand and it breaks. Pulls the bed over the broken lamp. Backs out of the room and breaks something else, moving furniture over it as well.)
Lois: Peter listen to me. My sister just called. Her baby's due any day now and Ted just walked out on her.
Peter: Woah! Woah! Back it up. You have a sister?
Lois: I promised her I'd be on the next train. Poor Carol. All alone in that big house.
Peter: Wait a minute. Carol. Is she the one with the Jacuzzi and the pool table?
Peter: Yeah, better come with you.
Lois: Really? Well, that's a surprise.
Peter: Come on, Lois. When have I not been there for you?
(Flashback to Lois driving Peter)
Robber #1: Get out of the damn car, now!
Robber #2: Scream and your dead!
Peter: Thanks for the ride, lady!
Lois: Peter, why are you staring into the dryer?
Peter: I'm watching the latest episode of Laundry Theater. See? Now those are Chris' socks, right? They don't know that Stewie's shirt is having an affair with Meg's trousers. It's fun to watch rich people be naughty!
(Peter is putting together a cot)
Brian: Insert rod support A into slot B.
Peter: That's what...
Brian: If you say "That's what she said" one more time, I swear I'm gonna pop you one.
Stewie: Well! Look at you there! Oh, you're a filthy girl, aren't you? Yees, yees, you're looking for a bad time, that's what you're after! Oh, you're a dirty flirt. You want it bad and you don't care who you get it from because you have no self-respect, and that gets you off, doesn't it? Aruff!
Lois: Stewie! Bad boy! That's Mommy's make-up. Oh, and you got it all over your father's favorite shirt. Now go to your room!
Brian: Wow. The evidence is really piling up.
Stewie: Make any joke you want. You know I look good.
Stewie: (Testing Mecha-Peter's translator) Pardon me, you with the severe aesthetic deficiencies!
Mecha-Peter: Hey, ugly!
Stewie: Excellent! Hahaha!
Mecha-Peter: Sweet! Hehehehe!
(Meg and Chris are shoving each other in the hallway) Chris: Dad, Meg keeps pushing me! Meg: Oh, like I could! He's so fat! Chris: I'm not fat, I'm Rubenesque. Stewie as Mecha-Peter: (speaking in a monotone voice) That's it. Your dad's had enough. I want you kids to go downstairs and drink the antifreeze in the garage. Chris: (points at Meg challengingly) I'm gonna chug it all so there's none left for you!
(Peter walks into the bedroom wearing a shirt which belonged to Carol's husband)
Peter: Hey, Carol, say: 'David Banner, I just slashed your tires.'
Carol: David Banner, I just slashed your tires.
Peter: Raaaaah!! (rips the shirt in an imitation of David Banner transforming into the Hulk and laughs) I'm priceless.
Smurf 1: Hey, you have a good time last night
Smurf 2: Smurf-tacular.
Smurf 1: Yeah I saw you leave with Smurfette.
Smurf 2: Oh man. As soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfin' me.
Smurf 1: Shut the smurf up!
Smurf 2: Yeah!
Smurf 1: Right in the smurfin' parking lot?
Smurf 2: Smurf yeah!
Smurf 1: Ah, that is freakin' smurf.
Smurf 2: You smurfed it.
Smurf 1: That is freakin' smurf.
Smurf 2: Yeah.
Lois: You know, I'm not wearing any panties.
Peter: Don't worry. We can always throw that chair out.
(At a drive through with Lois' pregnant sister)
Lois: Peter, why have we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have 3 cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter, for God's sake! She's having a baby!
Peter: Oh, that's right, and a kid's meal.
The blow-up sex doll Quagmire had was the one he bought in the episode E. Peterbus Unum.
Wallace Shawn (Bertram) and Carol Kane (Carol) both had roles in the classic movie The Princess Bride. Shawn played Vizzini, and Kane played Valerie.
Gary Cole voices Mike Brady, whom he played in the two Brady Bunch movies.
The woman who spoke as Stewie's computer was Majel Barrett-Roddenberry, the wife of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry. She also spoke as the computer voice in the Next Generations Films, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and Star Trek: Voyager.
Stewie reducing his space ship to microscopic and entering Peter's body alludes to the 1966 film, Fantastic Voyage, in which a similarly reduced craft is injected into a patient to perform micro-surgery. Even Stewie's means of exit through the tear ducts is the same.
Gone with the Wind
Stewie: As God is my witness, from this day forward, Peter and Lois shall not concieve!
This alludes to the 1939 c, Gone with the Wind, in which Scarlett O'Hara swears, "As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again!" Even the sky behind Stewie shows sunset, the dramatic backdrop in the movie for this memorable line.
Star Trek: The Next Generation
The computer voice is an allusion to "Star Trek: The Next Generation". The computer is also voiced by Majel Barrett who did so on ST:TNG.
If you listen closely, the sound the "sperm" ships make when they're shot is the same sound in the video game Galaga.
Cleveland: Hey, Peter. (watches Stewie escape from the Mecha-Peter lying on the ground) I see nothing... nothing!
This was a catch phrase of Sergeant Hans Schultz, the bumbling German sergeant from the 1960's sitcom Hogan's Heroes, about a group of allied prisoners of war and their efforts to sabotage the German war effort. Schultz, secretly sympathetic to the cause of the allies, often shouted the phrase to acknowledge that he would not report the prisoners' shenanigans to his superiors.
An Officer and a Gentleman
In order to get Peter to cry, Stewie and Bertram perform the Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes duet "Up Where We Belong", made popular by its usage in the 1982 film, An Officer and a Gentleman. This is the reason Peter answers Lois by saying, "..and I love you, Lou Gossett, Jr." because Louis Gossett, Jr. starred in the film.
The fight scenes and battleships and lasers inside Peter's sperm city parodies to Star Wars. The sperm are armed with twin lasers like the TIE fighters and Stewie's ship resembles the clone transporters from the second episode.
Quagmire: Well, in accordance with Megan's Law I am required to inform you that, uhh... you know what, that's fine, I'll take the kids.
Megan's Law is a law that states that known sex offenders are required to inform their neighbors of such upon moving into the neighborhood. It is named after a girl named Megan who was brutally raped and murdered by a two-time convicted sex offender living in her neighborhood. The law varies from state to state, starting in Megan's home state of New Jersey.
Title: Emission Impossible
The title is taken from the hit movie and TV series Mission: Impossible, which centered around the adventures of the Impossible Mission Taskforce, a team of government spies and specialists who were assigned "impossible missions".
Stewie: Let's see, we've got soda, purple stuff, oh Sunny D, all right!
This line is from an old commercial for Sunny Delight orange flavoured drink. In the commercial, a bunch of kids come home and want a drink. They go through the refrigerator look for drinks. They pass by all of the sugary drinks, and pick the healthy choice.
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