Family Guy

Season 4 Episode 2

Fast Times at Buddy Cianci High

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM May 08, 2005 on FOX
out of 10
User Rating
701 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Brian becomes a substitute teacher at Chris' school after his teacher wins the lottery. When Brian is moved to teach a class of troubled kids, Chris falls in love with his new teacher, Mrs. Lockhart, who promises to love Chris only if he kills her husband. When Lois finds out, she and Stewie decide to teach Chris a lesson.moreless

Who was the Episode MVP ?

  • Original and intellectual

  • More greatest from the Griffins.

    Another spoof of one of the most appriciated films ever:Fast Times At Ridgemount High. Its great theres nothing really bad about this episode.
  • An underrated episode

    Brian becomes a substitute teacher at Chris' school after his teacher wins the lottery. When Brian is moved to teach a class of troubled kids, Chris falls in love with his new teacher, Mrs. Lockhart, who promises to love Chris only if he kills her husband. When Lois finds out, she and Stewie decide to teach Chris a lesson. Some of the reviews here are much negative and I don't get the hate. This was an enjoyable episode for most of the part expect for the ones that were boring. There were parts I laughed like the opening (it featurecrime show parody instead of the theme song), Peter kept throwing stuffs at a man (while saying heads up), Chris' teacher's reaction when she won the lottery (probably the funniest in this episode), Brian at a class with troubled kids (most of the parts), and a few more. As for the cutaway, I has to say that the funniest got to be when Peter was falling off the stairs. Overall, this episode was superb but it isn't as great as the previous one. 9/10moreless
  • Boring

    Brian becomes a substitute teacher at Chris' school after his teacher wins the lottery. When Brian is moved to teach a class of troubled kids, Chris falls in love with his new teacher, Mrs. Lockhart, who promises to love Chris only if he kills her husband. When Lois finds out, she and Stewie decide to teach Chris a lesson.

    I only liked the woman's reaction to winning the lottery.

  • Minus Some of the overtly wackiness and its great

    This episode, Chris gets a new hot sub teacher, and she promises she will love him if he does her one thing: kills her husband. In the end everyone assumes Chris did when it was revealed his subs' husband was dead. Turned out to be a bear. Later, the sub, Mr.s Lockhart, runs away and starts living with the bear and putting up with him.

    A decent episode, at times too wacky, but that's not always a bad thing with comedy. I didn't like everything. My final grade would have to be about a B- or so, decent, but not greatmoreless
Seth Green (I)

Seth Green (I)

Chris (and various)

Alex Borstein

Alex Borstein

Lois (and various)

Mila Kunis

Mila Kunis

Meg (season 2+)

Seth MacFarlane

Seth MacFarlane

Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)

Steve Zirnkilton

Steve Zirnkilton


Guest Star

Juanita Jennings

Juanita Jennings

Miss Clifton

Guest Star

Arif S. Kinchen

Arif S. Kinchen


Guest Star

Danny Smith (IV)

Danny Smith (IV)


Recurring Role

Drew Barrymore

Drew Barrymore

Mrs Lockhart

Recurring Role

Lori Alan

Lori Alan


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (18)

    • Chris: (on seeing Mrs. Lockhart) I'm in love... watch out for the stairs! (Mrs. Lockhart falls down the stairs behind the desk Brian "used" earlier in the class)

    • Mr. Lockheart: Oh my god! There's a bear in my oatmeal! (bear attacks and mauls him while Mrs. Lockheart watches)

    • Chris: Hi, everbody! What's for dinner? I'm starving!
      Peter: My god, his bloodlust is unquenchable!

    • Chris: Why is everybody acting weird?
      Lois: Chris, honey, we know what you did. And I have to say, honestly, I don't approve.
      Chris: What I did? Oh, that I lied about my age to get into Indian bingo?
      Peter: Uh, no.
      Chris: That I had hard gas and pooed myself?
      Peter: Close, but still no.
      Stewie: How is that close?

    • Jayna: Form of Hawk! Come on Peter!
      Peter: Okay I'm coming! Form of Jayna's tampon! (Goes into Jayna's purse) And now we play the waiting game.

    • (Opening monologue in Law & Order style)
      Voiceover: In the television comedy world, the people are entertained by two separate, but equally important types of shows: traditional sitcoms that get laughs out of everyday situations, like trying to fix your own plumbing, or inviting two dates to the same dance, and animated shows that make jokes about farting. This is the latter.

    • Stewie: (to Chris, while leaning out of window with a face mask and hair curlers) Hey, do you have ANY idea what time it is? Get in the house, fatty!

    • Stewie: Can we stop by the grocery store? I want a granny smith apple.

    • Lois: So, Chris, what's the latest with your little girlfriend?
      Chris: Oh, I don't think Mrs. Lockhart likes me at all.
      Lois: Mrs. Lockhart?! Your teacher?!
      Peter: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Lois, this is not my Batman glass.
      Lois: Peter, are you listening? Chris has a crush on his teacher!
      Meg: Ew, gross!
      Stewie: You know what else is gross? (lets out a hard fart and his right eye turns red) Ahh! Broke a damn blood vessel!

    • Lois: Look, Stewie, a note. You know, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris' pocket, she's more respectful then that.
      Stewie: Yeah sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.

    • Girl: O Captain my Captain!
      Brian: Alright, be the best damn hooker you can be!
      2nd Girl: O Captain, my Captain!
      Brian: In your case, I'd get the money up front.

    • Carlos: I'm Carlos, and beneath my tough exterior is a boy aching to learn! And beneath that is a rapist.
      Samantha: My name is Samantha, and my water just broke!
      Brian: Oh my God!
      Tim: Yo, it's my turn to deliver!
      Girl: Can I have this one? My mom keeps giving mine away!

    • Stewie: (Referring to Lois's breast, while being squashed between an embracing Peter and Lois) Just remember fat man, those jugs are mine till the milk dries up. Then you can have the remains.

    • Mrs. Lockhart: Chris, what do you see here?
      (Close-up camera shot of Mrs. Lockhart's breasts as she leans over the desk holding Chris' test)
      Chris: Two "D's" and an "F."

    • Brian: Aiight, aiight, so I'm chillin with my homies in Verona, when my homie busts out with "Yo, Romeo, check out that biatch, Juliet, in the window." The problem is, Juliet's peeps are like East Coast rappers, and my posse's representin' West Siiiide, just like my boys Tupac and Biggie. Know what I'm sayin? Student 1: That's racist man.
      Student 2: Yeah man, that's just straight ig'nant dawg.

    • Lois: You see, our son Chris, well...
      Peter: Wait, Lois, we have to handle this delicately. Mrs. Lockhart, our son....would like to plow you.
      Mrs. Lockhart: Oh, I had a feeling it was something like that.

    • Gym Teacher: Most of the time, the kids play out in the field, but if it's raining or I'm hungover, they stay inside and play dodgeball.
      Peter: Aw, I love dodgeball! Heads up! (Throws ball at man)
      Home Ec Teacher: This week in home ec, we're teaching your kids how to make bundt cakes.
      Peter: Aw, I love bundt cakes! Heads up! (Throws a bundt cake at man)
      Band Teacher: The school band offers a variety of instruments from the kettle drum to the trombone.
      Peter: Aw, I love the trombone!
      (Man is bracing himself)
      (Peter does a trombone solo)
      Lois: (to the woman next to her) I know, isn't he wonderful? He took lessons in junior college.
      Peter: Heads up! (Throws trombone at man)

    • Brian as Mark Twain: I'd better catch my time steamboat back to the 1800s. (goes down "steps" behind his desk. Normal Brian pops up)
      Brian: Hey, sorry I'm late. What did I miss?
      Chris: Yeah! Cap'n Crunch was here!

  • NOTES (1)

  • ALLUSIONS (10)

    • When Peter is at parent/teacher night at Chris' school, the teacher asks for someone to pass out some papers. Peter's response of "Oh, oh, Ms. Clifton. Ms. Clifton!" is similar to Horshack in "Welcome Back, Kotter".

    • Elisabeth Hasselbeck

      Stewie: I just had a dream I was an egg and I was being hatched by Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

      Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a former Survivor contestant and is now a co-host on The View.

    • Mrs. Lockheart

      The teacher Chris falls for is a reference to Pamela Smart who, in March 1991, seduced a sixteen-year-old boy and convinced him to kill her husband.

    • Three's Company

      (Peter bursts into the classroom wearing a robe)
      Peter: Jack. Twins. Swedish. My place. Now.

      This is a reference to the show Three's Company (1977) where Jack lives with two women and pretends to be gay in front of his landlord. His friend Larry bursts into their apartment like Peter does in this scene.

    • Mark Twain

      Brian: Hello, I'm Mark Twain standing in for Brian Griffin.

      Mark Twain was a famous author in the 1800s. He wrote Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Saywer.

    • Cap'n Crunch

      Chris: Yeah, Cap'n Crunch was here!

      Cap'n Crunch is a brand of cereal. It might be argued that the Cap'n looks like Mark Twain.

    • Dead Poet's Society

      Students: "O Captain, My Captain"
      The scene where Brian's students stand on their tables and say "O Captain, My Captain" is a reference to the final scene of the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society starring Robin Williams.

    • Law & Order

      The opening scene is a parody of the opening scene from "Law and Order" and its many spin off shows.

    • Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High

      The title is a reference the movie "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."

    • You Can't Do That On Television

      Peter: I Don't Know
      In the 80s a Canadian sketch comedy show was all the rage, eventually exported to the US On Nickelodeon the program would feature various skits and gags including being slimed when someone would say "I Don't Know"

      The name of the show was You Can't Do That on Television, and the picture of a man's face with the title of the show was how the original series transitioned into another sketch.