Family Guy

Season 4 Episode 21

I Take Thee Quagmire

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Mar 12, 2006 on FOX
out of 10
User Rating
406 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

When Peter wins a maid for a week as a prize on a game show, Quagmire gains an interest in her, and they eventually marry. Quagmire, stricken with his bachelor ways, tries to get out of the marriage. Meanwhile, Lois stops breast-feeding Stewie, who, as a result, goes through withdrawals.moreless

Who was the Episode MVP ?

  • Quagmire falls in love with the maid that Peter won; Lois stops breast-feeding Stewie

    When Peter wins a maid for a week as a prize on a game show, Quagmire gains an interest in her, and they eventually marry. Quagmire, stricken with his bachelor ways, tries to get out of the marriage. Meanwhile, Lois stops breast-feeding Stewie, who, as a result, goes through withdrawals. Like the previous the subplot was better than main plot. The main plot was dragged in some of the parts though but it did its moments like the beginning, the watermelon exploding on meg (despite it's another Meg abuse but it was amusing), Joe's reacting after getting a lap dance, and two/three more parts. I liked the subplot a little better. Also, the cutaways here are funny as usual although one of them was a little long. Overall, this episode was great and a bit better than Patriot Games. 8.5/10moreless
  • It's okay.

    When Peter wins a maid for a week as a prize on a game show, Quagmire gains an interest in her, and they eventually marry. Quagmire, stricken with his bachelor ways, tries to get out of the marriage. Meanwhile, Lois stops breast-feeding Stewie, who, as a result, goes through withdrawals.

  • Quagmire gets married

    At first I really hated this episode (and I still hate some parts of it like "the black dolphins") but this episode has actually had some very quotable lines and memorable scenes. The bit with the Statue of Liberty's Foot has even grown on me.

    This show is on a decline, so maybe it is the fact that Season 4, while not as good as Season 1, is so superior to Season 8, that watching these episodes now they just seem so much better.

    Whatever the case, I laughed hard at this episode of Family Guy. The show definitely needs more Quagmire-centric episodes and some more Adam West.moreless
  • Everything is better.

    Every episode of Family Guy is very funny and this one is one of the episodes I loved.I loved that whole montage of them parodying all of those classic Disney movies.That part was the good part of the episode and the only Disney parody that was funny was Aladdin.I loved it when Peter and the guys showed a tape of Quagmire's fake death.That part was the funniest part of this episode.Everything is the same and it keeps going on and on and on forever and ever and ever.It's still one of the best shows ever made who make great episodes.moreless
  • A great Family Guy episode, an incredible Season 4 episode.

    Eh, I wasn't a huge fan of Season 4. However it did have a few great episodes, and this is one of them. The breastfeeding was alright, that's not what I want to talk about. I wanna talk about The Quagmire plot. It was incredible. First the Wheel of Fortune scene was hillarious. It's Peter being an idiot, so in another word, Peter at his best. After that the episode was great all through out. The fake death scene had me in stitches, and the poke at Joey was pretty funny and a quite witty cultural reference. If your thinking about watching some newer Family Guy, this should be one of your first choices.moreless
Alex Borstein

Alex Borstein

Lois (and various)

Mila Kunis

Mila Kunis

Meg (season 2+)

Seth Green (I)

Seth Green (I)

Chris (and various)

Seth MacFarlane

Seth MacFarlane

Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)

Alex Trebek

Alex Trebek


Guest Star

Bryan Cranston

Bryan Cranston


Guest Star

Alex Thomas

Alex Thomas

Dolphin #1 and Dolphin #4

Guest Star

Adam West

Adam West

Mayor Adam West

Recurring Role

Danny Smith (IV)

Danny Smith (IV)


Recurring Role

Jennifer Tilly

Jennifer Tilly


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (4)

    • This marks the first time Quagmire actually proposes to a woman as opposed to simply dating.

    • The Statue of Liberty's foot costs 437,000 dollars

    • When Brian is watching Malcom in the Middle, his collar ring is missing, but when Lois sits down, his collar ring is back.

    • The shopping for prizes portion of Wheel of Fortune was done from 1983 to 1987 on the nighttime syndicated version and from 1975 to 1989 on the NBC daytime version and was resurrected for a "Retro Week" in 1999. However, the shopping segment would be done during the regular rounds and not during the bonus round as shown on Family Guy.

  • QUOTES (18)

    • Lois: Glen, your place looks wonderful! I feel like I can touch things in here now!

    • Peter: Death? What are you doing here? Nobody's dying today.
      Death: Not according to my paperwork. It says here your buddy Quagmire died of a heart attack. I gotta tell ya...I always thought it'd be rectal trauma.

    • Alex: All right, players. The answer, once again, is "It was the first spacecraft to land on the surface of Mars". Adam, what was your response?
      (Adam reveals his response)
      Alex: Kebert Xela.
      (he screams and then disappears)
      Adam: Only saying his name backwards can send him back to the 5th dimension where he belongs.

    • Joan: If you ever left me, I'd cut myself, then I'd cut you. I love you, Glen!
      Quagmire: I love you too, insane woman whom I'm having second thoughts about.
      Joan: What?!
      Quagmire: All right!

    • (Peter as Daisy Duke bends down to pick up the basketball)
      Stewie: (in disgust) UGH!!!
      Brian: (in disgust) UGH!!! It's like a walrus flossing!

    • Lois: My breasts are so engorged from the weaning, I've gone up two bra sizes.
      Brian: What did you do with the old bras?

    • Cleveland: Hey, Quagmire, is that a banana in your pocket, or an erection in your pocket?

    • Death: I'm going to a Celine Dion Concert. I'm not gonna kill her, I'm just gonna watch her die on her own.

    • Stewie: You call those cheap implants boobs?! Those aren't boobs! They're lies!!

    • Quagmire: Hey there.. I-I mean it's nice ta pleasure your acquaintance.

    • (Peter on Wheel of Fortune bonus round)
      Pat: The Category is 'Actor & Show' Ok, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
      Peter: Uh, ok, uh..Z, 4, Q, another Q, uh... a third Q, and the Batman symbol.
      Pat: O-kay. No help there. Um, 15 seconds if you wanna take a shot at it. Talk it out.
      Peter: Is it "Alex Karras in Webster"?
      (the whole puzzle is revealed, to Pat's surprise)
      Pat: I... don't... believe it!
      Peter: Oh, my God! I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!

    • Peter: (sees himself in a circle) Uh, hey, how much for that fat guy in the circle? I don't see a price tag on that.
      Pat Sajak: That's you.
      Peter: Oh! Oh! Embarrassing. Uh, okay. Well, in that case, I'll take the rest on a gift certificate.

    • Death: Sorry I'm late, I had a meeting over at NBC about Joey.

    • Joan: Is this a joke?
      Peter: I wish it were Joan, I wish it were a joke. But these things happen, you know? You go for a walk in the park one day and wheel-chair ninja's and nazi's and pot's and pans robots show up to kill ya, and dinosaurs show up ta eat the remains. You've seen the news.

    • Peter: (Slowly, to maid) Hi.
      Maid: I speak English, you know.
      Peter: (Slowly) up.......Peter....mess.

    • Quagmire: Giggity-giggity-giggity... God, I made a terrible mistake!

    • Quagmire: Cleveland, how did you end your marraige?
      Cleveland: You slept with my wife.

    • Stewie: Okay, whip them out woman! It's time for the afternoon meal!

  • NOTES (4)

  • ALLUSIONS (12)

    • Crystal Pepsi

      In a cut scene on the DVD, Peter flashes back to a scene where he introduces Crystal Pepsi. Crystal Pepsi was a new way to drink Pepsi in 1993, Which tasted like original Pepsi, but was clear. It turned out to be a massive commercial failure.

    • Wheel Of Fortune

      The ceramic dalmation was an actual prize for many years on Wheel of Fortune, and the target of many jokes by Pat Sajak.

    • Lord of the Rings

      When Quagmire and Joan are in the woods, speaking in a strange language, its a reference to Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, the scene when Aragorn and Lady Arwen are discussing her choice to lose her eternal youth in exchange for marrying him. The language is elvish...though probably not the one that J.R.R. Tolkien wrote.

    • Jurassic Park
      When Peter shows the dinosaur attacking Quagmire, the song he sings is the theme song to the dinosaur movie Jurassic Park.

    • Planet of the Apes
      Upon seeing the dismembered foot of the Statue of Liberty, Adam West collapses and yells "You blew it up! Damn you all to Hell!". This is a spoof of the ending of the movie Planet of the Apes in which an astronaut who ends up on a planet dominated by talking apes realizes that he was on a post—nuclear-war Earth all along when he sees a ruined Statue of Liberty.

    • Punk'd
      When Peter hits Ashton Kutcher in the head with a Tomahawk as a prank for his show Tomahawk'd, it is a reference to Kutcher's show Punk'd where Ashton plays practical jokes on celebrities.

    • The Great Space Coaster
      Peter takes a ride across the world and into space that is a parody of the opening of the TV show 'The Great Space Coaster'.

    • Mr. Mxyzptlk
      During the Jeopardy game, Adam West tricks Alex Trebek into saying his name backwards, causing him to go 'back' to the fifth dimension. These are the same conditions that allow Superman to defeat his nemesis, Mr. Mxyzptlk

    • Better Off Dead

      The scene where Peter is riding on the maid's back and two Japanese guys, one of whom is doing an impression of Howard Cosell, pull up beside him, is a parody of a scene from the movie Better Off Dead with John Cusak.

    • Woody Woodpecker

      Quagmire acts like Woody Woodpecker by "pecking" his name on a wall, when he tells a woman he just slept with he lied about saying he'd marry her.

      He also "pecks out" "giggity giggity goo" at the end of the episode.

    • Disney Movies

      There are references to Disney movies when Quagmire fantasizes about being with Joan (the maid).

      Beauty and the Beast (ballroom dancing scene), Lady and the Tramp (the two of them eating the pasta), and Aladdin (the magic carpet ride)

      Quagmire represents the Beast, the Tramp, and Aladdin

      Joan represents Belle, Lady, and Jasmine

    • Stewie: (spits out formulated milk) Ugh, that's more disgusting than when Peter went through that Daisy Dukes phase!

      Daisy Dukes are very short, form-fitting, cut-off denim shorts worn by young women, usually from the South. They are named after Daisy Duke, a character from the show The Dukes of Hazzard, who always wore shorts in this style.