Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Cleveland/Herbert/Performance Artist/Greased-Up Deaf Guy (and various)
Meg (Production Season 2+)
Lois (and various)
Chris (and various)
Mayor Adam West
Peter enters Chris' room through a door but then when he goes to throw out the dead bullfrog he had brought in, he heads to where the door was but now it is suddenly a window.
The girl that Peter picks for Chris' practice date was Barbra, the girl that Chris liked in the season three episode, To Love and Die in Dixie.
Mayor Adam West: My apologies; my pet cricket has Restless Leg Syndrome.
Joe: (about Peter's parrot) Hey Peter you kinda look like a pirate with that thing on your shoulder.
Peter: A pirate? Oh cool!
Cleveland: You should get a pirate name.
Joe: And a peg leg.
Cleveland: And a hook hand.
Quagmire: And you should have sex with that crossing guard even though she looked young, and then I found out she was 12.
(everyone stares at him)
Quagmire: I mean you should get an eye patch.
Joe: Eye patch would be cool.
Lois: Chris, honey, what's wrong?
Chris: Anna took a dump on me.
Chris: Yeah, she broke up with me.
Lois: Oh, she dumped you. That's what you meant to say.
Chris: What's the difference?
Lois: Well, what you said first was... well, I mean, when two grown-ups love each other very much, sometimes they show it by... never mind.
Lois: Peter, did you tell Chris to act like a jerk to this girl?
Peter: Um, define "Chris".
Anna: My name's Anna.
Chris: Um, I'm Chris. Sometimes, I have to poop for a long time. Now it's your turn to say something.
Anna: (laughs) You're funny!
Meg: I wanna be a veterinarian when I grow up!
Peter: Meg, we've been over this. You're going to gain 150lbs., and write Ugly Betty fan-fiction.
Meg: But Daaaaaaaad!
Peter: Meg, that's final.
Chris: Hey fellas. Um, I have a question. I went on a date with this girl that I really like, and if you don't mind, I was hoping I could ask you a few questions about the birds and the bees?
Peter: Ahhh, my boy wants to know about sex.
Quagmire: Came to the right place.
Joe: Chris, what you always want to remember is that sex is perfectly natural.
Chris: Well uh, sorry Mr. Swanson. Um, I wasn't really talking to you.
Joe: Chris, I know a lot about sex.
Chris: Yeah, and I'm sure you have fond memories, but I was kinda hoping to get some advice from someone who isn't broken from the waist down.
Joe: I'm a father!
Chris: You're a two-wheeled monster!
Chris: So, uh, how do you like working at the vet?
Anna: Oh, it is so rewarding. Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved working with animals.
Chris: Did you ever make it with one of the dogs?
Chris: I mean, uh uh, did you enjoy your appetizer?
Anna: It hasn't come yet.
Chris: Oh, um... I mean, did you ever make it with one of the dogs? No! Stupid! (hits himself)
Anna: Chris, just relax.
Chris: Um, okay. You know Anna, when I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world, and now all I wanna do is show you my inner most self, but I'm afraid you'll reject me because you won't like what you see. Or that you'll see my scrotum, and see that it has a seam on it, and then you'll think I'm made up of two different guys that were sewn together, cause that's what I think happened.
Anna: I'm really sorry about your Dad's parrot.
Chris: Oh, that's okay. He'll get over it pretty quickly, and then move on to another wacky thing.
(heard in the background)
Peter: Lois, who's pipe organ is this?
Peter: Give it to me straight Doctor Jewish; Is he gonna live?
Dr. Jewish: Mister Griffin, I'm afraid that your Parrot is dead.
Peter: Noooo! Did he at least die with dignity?
Dr. Jewish: Well, he convulsed a lot and fell off the operating table. Then he flopped around a little on the floor, then a passing nurse accidentally stepped on him and kicked him into a puddle of urine, which must have frightened him because his bowels released all over himself. I tried to pick him up, but then, I got angry because some of it got on my thumb. So I threw him against the wall, and that's where he died.
Peter: That's the way I wanna go.
Men At Work - Land Down Under
When Chris is on his date with Barbara, Peter sings a fast version of Men At Work's "Land Down Under" and replaces most of the lyrics with gibberish.
Mort: Augh, Kristallnacht!
Kristallnacht translates roughly to 'the Night of Broken Glass". It is a reference to November of 1938, when the Nazis went around Germany and smashed hundreds of synagogue windows and storefronts owned by Jews. These destroyed stores were not allowed to re-open unless they were managed by a non-Jew.
Chris singing Madonna's song "Crazy For You" when he first sees Anna is a reference to the movie Vision Quest.
This classic movie sound effect is heard when a utility worker falls off the telephone pole that Peter and his pirates knock over during the big chase scene.
Peter names his parrot Adrien Beaky after actor Adrien Brody.
The Sea Hawk The music playing during Peter's sword fight with the Englishman is Erich Wolfgang Korngold's theme from the 1940 film "The Sea Hawk" staring Errol Flynn, Brenda Marshall and Claude Rains.
Long John Peter
The title of this episode is a parody of the character Long John Silver, from the novel Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson.
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