Chris (and various)
Lois (and various)
Meg (season 1) [uncredited]
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Peter drinks Pawtucket Patriot Ale.
The Griffins' basement gradually grows in size throughout the episode.
Lois: Bye bye Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you goodnight.
Stewie: Burn in hell!
Peter: Hey you're the Pawtucket Patriot.
Patriot: Verily. Come hither and give heed.
Peter: Woah woah woah. I don't swing that way pal. Look I've got a date with my female wife. I just came down to get some beers.
Patriot: Why spend time with your wife? If you build a bar in this basement and stuff it with plenty of Pawtucket Patriots, your friends will come down here for a beer as well.
Peter: Build a bar! That's a great idea. Wait one last question! If I walk through you does that mean like..we've done it?
Patriot: Gee what's with you and the gay jokes?
Mr. Tumnis: Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnis.
Peter: Hey give me back my sock you goat bastard!
Stewie: I'm in seering pain!
Lois: Oh, you're just teething, Stewie. It's a normal part of a baby's life.
Stewie: Very well then. I order you to kill me at once!
Lois:(to the crowd)You don't wanna be up all night...or do you?
Peter:(mocking Lois to himself)Or do you?
Guy at the bar: She's a smokin' little pistol, isn't she?
Peter: Are you a woman?
Guy at the bar: No...
Stewie: Machiavelli! You've told me nothing I don't already know! Ah Sun Tzu's The Art of War.
Lois: Stewie, those books aren't for babies. Here, watch the Teletubbies.
Stewie: How dare you! That book may hold the key to my enslaving of all mankind.
Stewie: For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!
Peter: Apologize to my son!(drinks beer)
Manly Woman: OK. I'm sorry your kid's a no-good stinkin' grilled cheese (knocks down Peter's beer) FATASS!
Peter: Oh, oh that's it! (punches her out)
Kid: Hey, you hit my mom!
Peter: No, I hit your dad.
Man: People, people, stand back, give her some air!
Peter: Y-you mean give him some air!
Woman 2: Call an ambulance, she's going into labor!
Peter: Y-you mean he's going into labor...(newborn baby starts crying)...whoops!
Peter: My mother used to use whiskey whenever I had a toothache.
(Flashbacks to Peter as a kid.)
Young Peter: My tooth hurts!
(Peter's mother throws a bottle of whiskey that crashes in the wall.)
Peter: I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff and I have a criminal record. (grunts like Tim Allen)
Brian: Something troubling you Peter?
Peter: Oh no, nothing. Just all of my friends are eye-humping my wife.
Brian: Well if I were you, I'd keep an eye on her. Then again I'm the jealous type.
(Stewie stumbles up to Lois)
Stewie: Hello mother, care to partake in your oh so exhilarating games of Peek-A-Boo?
Lois: Oh my god, my baby's drunk!
Peter: No I'm not, what, oh him? Oh yeah, he's a real light weight.
Peter: I know you cant understand what I'm going through, Lois. I mean all the stuff that makes you happy, you know, like cooking and cleaning - it's alright here in the house just waiting for you. You are one lucky…
Brian: Uh, uh stop. Now.
Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons.
Peter: Now listen pal!
Lois: Peter, I'm holding melons.
Man: And her hooters aint bad either.
Peter: Now hold on a second.
Lois: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
Peter: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem.
Man: Your wife's hot.
Peter: Alright that's it!
Peter: Boo Lois, Yay Beer!
Peter: Jeez Lois, I just spent all morning on a boat with my friends drinking beers, telling jokes, and screwin' around. How 'bout a little me time?
Stewie: Ahhh damn it to the bowels of bloody hell.
Lois: Well the baby's up.
On the Region 1 DVD description of this episode, it says Meg becomes the lounge singer when it was actually Lois.
Stewie: E flat Salieri!
This line is from the movie Amadeus, about the life of Mozart from the point of view of Salieri, a rival composer.
Peter: I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff, and I have a criminal record.
This is a reference to Tim Allen, the star of ABC's former hit sitcom Home Improvement in which he played Tim "The Toolman" Taylor. In real life, Allen has a criminal record for drug offenses and served 2 years and four months in prison. The scene ends with Allen appearing to suck the scene into a straw,this kind of cut scene was used on Home Improvement.
The Mystery of Mind over Matter
The title is a parody of the theory, Mind over Matter. This theory basically belives that humans can control the world around them using their minds.
The Pajama Game
Lois: I've got ssssssteam heat....
Lois is singing the song "Steam Heat" from the Pajama Game, a Broadway musical from the 1950s. Doris Day starred in the movie version. The song is sung by Gladys and Workers 1 and 2. The song is sung to get the Pajama Union Workers fired up for a strike. This song is in the episode because of Seth's love of Broadway.
Back to The Future
Bar Guy: Here's where the flux capacitor goes!
The Flux Capacitor was the device that Doc Brown said he invented when he fell of his toilet hanging a clock. He tells us the Flux Capacitor is what makes time travel possible.
Stewie: Shake me, shake me like a Brittish Nanny!
A Brittish Au Pair was convicted by a jury of killing an eight month old infant by shaking it to death because he would not stop crying. The verdict was later overturned.
The Chronicles of Narnia
Mr Tumnis: Welcome to Narnia, I'm Mr Tumnis.
Peter: Give me back my sock you goat bastard!
A tale of how a young child finds a magical portal to another world (Narnia) through an old wardrobe she discovers. Peter discovers the same place through his dryer.
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