Lois (and various)
Meg (season 2+)
Chris (and various)
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Cleveland/Herbert/Performance Artist/Greased-Up Deaf Guy (and various)
Mort asks Lois if he can borrow a crucifix, preferably 'without the little fellow on it.' If Jesus isn't on the cross then it's not called a crucifix.
The sign outside "Big Pete's House of Munch" read:
Enjoy Our Rodney King Crab
Even though the Griffin's carpet was ripped up because of Peter's shocking, when Peter and Lois were watching the early Maude episodes the carpet is back.
When Mexican Batman honks his car horn, closed captioning misidentifies the tune as "Tequila" when it's actually "La Cucaracha".
The sign that Peter shows Joe reads:
M.C. Escher's painting Relativity is used in this episode. It was previously used in the episode Brian Goes Back to College where Stewie refers to it as "Crazy Stairs".
Elton John - I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues
Peter: How can you leave me now Ben Stiller when I need you the most?
Ben Stiller: I'm sorry Peter, but there are other children who need my help.
Peter: I guess I was wrong to think you'd always be with me.
Ben Stiller: I'll always be with you Peter. (His ears start flapping and he flies away)
Peter: His movies are terrible.
(Peter is buried under Joe and his friends)
Peter: Ben Stiller, help me!
Ben Stiller: No, Peter. I heard what you said about my movies.
Ben Stiller: (points at his ears) Hello?!
Peter: Ah, go to hell, you mutant offspring of comedy people!
Peter: Oh, God. I hope there's not one of those angry, handicapped Vietnam guys with a bandana on his head. Oh, there he is.
Crazy Vietnam Guy: I've seen some things, man, and some stuff. I wouldn't recommend it.
Peter: Alright everybody, only three hours till open. Oh, this is going to be the coolest place in Quahog. All the movers and shakers and big wigs are going to eat here. But not the small wigs... (Camera shifts to a guy with a small wig near entrance of restaurant.)
Small Wig: Hey, I'm hungry... I got a credit card...
Lois: Peter, you've been sleeping with that money for the past week. Don't you think it's time we did something with it?
Peter: Buy a bolt and shut that trap of yours?
Lois: Because I had an idea. Remember when we first got married?
Peter: And I said what would it feel like to be a bear.
Lois: No, no, no. I'm talking about that dream we had, Peter, remember? We tried to open that restaurant and we never quite got it going.
Peter: Yeah, we got shut down because of my exploding cupcakes. (Cuts to scene where a couple is sitting.)
Gerald: Hmm, I hope these taste as good as they look. (Takes a bite and head explodes.)
Woman: (gasp) Gerald!
Peter: (Walks by.) He he he, the secret is in the frosting... but I'll never tell.
Quagmire: (Pointing to strip of carpet.) Hey, uh, Lois, do you want me to leave a little strip in this thing? Maybe a lightning bolt, a unicorn, or something like that?
Lois: No, I want it all gone Glenn.
Quagmire: All right, we're going Brazilian!
Lois: (Walks into bedroom and hears Peter laugh.) Peter? I know you're in here.
Peter: Yes I am Lois... (High pitched) But where?
Lois: Peter, if you shock me, I swear to God I'm leaving you. Peter: You have to find me first Lois. (High pitched) Where could I be? Lois: Well there's a Quonset hut that I've never seen in this room before. I gotta figure you're in there. Peter: How do you know, Lois? I could be in that New York Style magazine kiosk. Lois: Peter, this all looks very expensive.
Peter: Yes, you might say it was... shockingly expensive. Lois: I'm going to try the Quonset hut. (Peter comes from behind and shocks her.)
Peter: (Laughs) I was in the bathroom. The hut and the kiosk? Decoys, Lois, decoys! (Laughs and runs)
Brian: (After being shocked by Peter.) Damn it Peter, stop it! I got to tell you, you're pissing me off worse when I watched the OJ verdict with my old roommate. (Cuts to scene where Brian and his roommate are watching TV.)
TV Announcer: We, the jury, find the defendant, Orenthal James Simpson, not guilty. (Roommate says "Yes!" while Brian says "What the hell?" simultaneously. There is a moment of silence.)
Brian and Roommate: (simultaneously) What? (They both take out guns and aim at each other.)
Brian: Maybe we should get new roommates.
Roommate: Yeah, maybe we should.
Peter: (After shocking Chris.) What the hell was that? (Shocks Chris again.) Oh my God, Lois, don't get alarmed, but, I think I might be Jesus. I'm Jesus.
Brian: Peter, that's a static shock. Your pajamas created a charge of electricity when you dragged your feet across the carpet and when you touched Chris, you passed it on.
Peter: Kneel before Christ! (Gets up, rubs feet on carpet, shocks Brian.)
Peter: Lois, I have never been more comfortable as a person than I am in these feety pajamas, all warm and furry. This is what it feels like to be a bear. You remember when I used to say Lois, when we first got married, you remember, I used to say, what would it feel like to be a bear? Well, this is it. This is it. I'm living it baby.
Peter: Oh boy, does it feel good to undo my butt flap.
Meg: Ew dad! We don't want to sit here and look at your ass.
Stewie: Yes, I'd rather look at Meg toweling off after a shower when she does that butt floss thing. (Cuts to scene where Stewie sees Meg toweling her ass.)
Stewie: (Low voice) Ew, ew, that's so disgusting, uh, uh, uh, I hope I don't ever accidentally use that towel. (Towel falls on Stewie.) Ahhhhh!
Brian: Alright so we roll the dice and then we both have to yell Yahtzee really loud.
Stewie: At the same time?
Brian: Yeah and you have to flap your wrists like this. (Flapping his hands in the air.)
Stewie: And you'll do it to?
Brian: Of course, that's how it's done.
Brian: Alright, ready?
Stewie: Okay, you going to do it with me?
Brian: Oh yeah.
Stewie: (After Brian throws the dice, screams and flaps his hands.) Yahtzee!
Stewie: You suck!
Peter: (amazed) What are those?
Salesman: Well that's a pair of red, flannel feety pajamas.
Peter: Good lord.
Salesman: See, they got a flap that opens up in the back.
Peter: Are you telling me I could be pooping and warm?
Peter: No longer will I have to make a choice between the two. Sir, here is a check with my name on it. Write down any number on this piece of paper and I will pay it.
Salesman: Hi there, see anything you like?
Peter: Oh, I'm just browsing.
Salesman: Say, you look like you could use an activity book with half the activities done.
Peter: Wow, that would save me half the time.
Salesman: Connect the dots? Ha! More like set the book down and have a beer.
Peter: You got yourself a deal.
Herbert: (Walking towards counter) Yes, I'll take this teddy bear, this ruler, this piece of string, and this cardboard box. (Assembles them into a trap for the cashier.)
Peter: Whoa whoa whoa. Joe, I thought you were bringing your cop friends over. What are all these parallelograms doing here?
Joe: Ya know Peter, my buddies and I have been lookin' for a new hangout. Our usual donut shop has gotten a little "Puerto-Ricanny", uh what if we made your place our new spot?
Lois: Glenn, thank you so much for helping me tear up my carpet.
Quagmire: Well ya know Lois, I gotta confess, when you called me, I sort of misunderstood what you were asking for. That's why I rushed over, but it's fine, it's fine, I'm happy to help.
Stewie: Oh look, an On-The-Raggedy Ann Doll.
(pulls the string)
Doll: It's water weight you bastard!
(pulls the string again)
Doll: Get off me, I'm not your whore!
(pulls the string again)
Doll: (crying) I'm sorry, I'm just so sad.
Stewie: Well, I guess I can still play with it three weeks out of the month.
Lois: Peter, what the hell is that?
Peter: Lois, I'm tired of Mort always mooching off us, so I made a Scarejew.
Lois: Peter, we're not gonna have this in our front yard, it's racist, and for god's sake ya ruined your best suit. Now we're gonna have to get you a new one...
Peter: Shh shhh, Lois, Lois look. (They go inside and Mort comes to the door)
Mort: Hey guys, I just wanted to return your... Oooh! oh my god it's Hitler! He's back, he's back. hurry, protect Jon Stewart. He's out most important Jew.
In the original FOX airing, the scene where Peter has his vocal cords changed with Patrick Stewart's, he lists to Lois famous Armenians he can name. In the [adult swim] airing, the scene consisted of Peter, still with Stewart's vocal cords, apologizing to Lois for making a mess on the toilet after sex.
A song by Elton John played during this episode, coincidentally, this episode originally aired on Elton John's 60th birthday.
Joe invites Peter inside after he apologizes to watch Grey's Anatomy. Right after this episode first aired, a new American Dad aired and had references to Grey's Anatomy when Roger needs a new blender so that tv night watching Grey's Anatomy wouldn't be ruined.
After Stewie reminds the Family that he is the only one with former business experience, it cuts to him sitting at Lucy's Psychiatry booth and giving advice to Violet and Pigpen. The booth and two children are references to Charles Schulz's Peanuts cartoons.
The part where all the paraplegics form crippletron is an allusion to the combiners in the hit 80's cartoon Transformers. One example of the combiners are the constructions who form Devastator.
Peter mentions that Ben Stiller is the spawn of comedy people. He is referring to him being the son of of Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, both of whom are veteran comedians and actors themselves.
Stewie and Brian are seen playing the popular dice game.
Peter: This is weirder than that rap video by M.C. Escher...
This is an allusion to rapper MC Hammer, and the famous artist M.C. Escher, who's painting Relativity is featured in the video.
America's Next Top Model
The episode of Ameica's Next Top Model Cycle 4 is shown where contestant Tiffany's indifferent attitude toward being cut highly offended Tyra. She lost her cool and yelled at Tiffany for treating the show as if it were a joke.
The Sixth Sense
Peter had M. Night Shyamalan direct a commercial for his restaurant. It is based on a scene from the movie The Sixth Sense.
The statue of Peter outside "Big Pete's House of Munch" is an allusion to Big Boy.
No Meals on Wheels
The episode title refers to "Meals on Wheels." A program that delivers meals to homebound individuals who are unable to purchase or prepare their own meals.
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