Family Guy

Season 3 Episode 4

One If By Clam, Two If By Sea

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Aug 01, 2001 on FOX

Episode Fan Reviews (16)

Write A Review
out of 10
434 votes
  • Hilarious

  • Its Kewl

    I love the talent show flash forward
  • The Drunken Clam gets replaced by a British bar

    When a hurricane strikes Quahog, everything is destroyed except The Drunken Clam, which is bought out by a Brit who turns it into an English pub. As it happens, pub owner Nigel Pinchley and his family move in next door to the Griffins, and Stewie tries to teach Nigel's Cockney-accented 3-year-old daughter how to speak proper English. I thought this episode was superb. It was really not my favorite since there some boring parts, such as the beginning and the ending. However, the plot was handled great. I kinda liked Stewie's plot a little better than the guys' plot. All the parts in his plot were hilarious and I liked that musical number. As for the guys' plot, it was great, but a little boring. There were some laughs there, my biggest laughs was when Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe does the King of the Hill reference ("Yep, yep, yep, hmm-mm"). Overall, a superb episode of Family Guy.
  • Terrible.


    When a hurricane strikes Quahog, everything is destroyed except The Drunken Clam, which is bought out by a Brit who turns it into an English pub. As it happens, pub owner Nigel Pinchley and his family move in next door to the Griffins, and Stewie tries to teach Nigel's Cockney-accented 3-year-old daughter how to speak proper English.

    What I liked:

    -Tricia Takinawa getting hit by the tree

    -The King of the Hill reference


  • Can someone explain the title?

    After a hurricane sweeps Quahog; their favorite bar is sold to the English and Peter and his friends are accused burning it down. Meanwhile; Lois tries to avoid the charms of a creepy Brit whose daughter, Stewie tries to make into a proper lady. Who would've thought that a natural disaster will prove to be the setting for one of the most consistently funny Family Guy episodes i've seen. Besides the endless British jokes and accents which prove just as effective as other stereotypes; but any other gag just bullseyed and couple that with a fun plot and it's a recipe for a winner. Special mentions go to the "cigarrette" gag, the nod to King of the Hill (it's about time!), the maniacal cockroach and of course the vacuum bit. In fact make it any joke where you can't sense the writer's begging us to laugh. This episode takes the correct step in avoiding any dramatic moments or falling back on a soppy ending; both seemed imminent at some points. Everything here is played for laughs and it's what people want from an animated comedy; if they wanted forced drama they'd tuen in to any channel during midday. Unfortunately, not everything in this episode works. There are some large - scale failures to balance out this episode's many triumphs; the most notable being the whole subplot involving Stewie and Eloiza. As far as comedy goes, it is painfully dull and not funny. Every time the scene shifts to these two brats, we witness a grinding halt to an otherwise smooth episode. We just wanted to say "Yes, we get it. My Fair Lady!". Also Nigel Pinchley is given too much time onscreen and his teeth, mannerisms and speech gets less amusing with each scene.

    One if by....blah, blah. Is really what Family Guy stands for and is one of the few times where we walk away from it satisfied.
  • It wasn't funny at all.

    Although it is still a fairly worthwhile episode, this one was aboslutely dreadful in the humour department. That aspect of the show was 100% missing from this episode, which is my only criticism this time round.

    On to the positive side of the episode, which is that the storyline is interesting and that is what was the good part of this episode.

    I thought it was well thought of and I really enjoyed the storyline, which is always great!

    However, I don't think it is an episode that is really rewatchable, because it didn't provide any laughs at all.

    However, if you can get past that, it is still a worthwhile episode.
  • British people invade the Drunken Clam.

    This is a fine example of how good Family Guy was during its first run and now because of newer episodes, this can be considered a series classic. So many classic quotes from "We kicked your ass in WWII" to "we'll drive them back to whatever country they came from" that it is difficult to stay in your seat while watching the broadcast.

    Instead of bizarre pop culture references reminiscent of Disaster Movie, Meet The Spartans or other garbage like that, there were a limited number of well-thought-out cutaway scenes. The plot was interesting and did not digress like so often the case with newer episodes. This was just a really fun half hour of television.
  • This was a great episode, and the show is just getting better and better (more funny and interesting)...

    This was a great episode, and the show is getting better and better...

    This presented a lot of entertainment, especially because of the humor. It's also more pleasing when Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire are all involved with Peter, like this episode. The drunken clam was replaced by some gay place and because of an attack by a large insect, Peter was convicted to jail along with his best mates: Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire. Them being in jail was a massive nutty comedy and I'll probably never forget those jail scenes.

    Stewie seemed to find a bit of love, but maybe I wouldn't really call it that --. He taught this girl how to correctly pronounce words and to sing, not that funny - but very interesting to watch.

    The whole plot about the villain and witnesses with crime and everything was a series classic. Epic...
    I loved it heaps, and I just can't wait to see more of this third season.

    Overall, it's definitely getting better and better. I can't wait to see more. Great, clever and a homorous episode.
  • Probably one of the best episodes in the whole series!!!!!

    Flashbacks at the beginning establish that Peter has been working at the toy factory and going to the Drunken Clam regularly since at least 1977.

    A hurricane strikes Quahog. While the family hides, Peter plays "What I Did for Love" from the musical A Chorus Line on wine glasses. The Griffin's house suffers cosmetic damage. Afterwards, a tour of the town shows much destruction.

    Though the Drunken Clam was undamaged, the bar's owner, Horace, sells it. An Englishman named Nigel Pinchley turns it into a British pub. Upset over the loss of their favorite bar and failing to find another one, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe try to start their own American revolution at the pub by spraying beer in front of the patrons. However, the British use their linguistic skills to convince them to leave. The men are not swayed completely and storm a British ship in an attempt to recreate the Boston Tea Party with beer.

    When the pub mysteriously burns down that night, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe are thrown in jail. Even worse, the meanest criminal Joe ever put away plans to kill him and the others at midnight on Saturday. Lois, Loretta and Bonnie are unable to believe their husbands would burn down their favorite hangout, even if they were drunk and the bar was a British pub. Lois suspects Nigel is the culprit and plans to trick him into confessing that he torched his own pub for the dual goals of insurance money and to send Peter and co. to jail. Her plans involve Bonnie and Loretta overhearing as witnesses. Lois entraps Nigel in his study, thinking she has spotted Bonnie and Loretta hiding. She gets Nigel to confess everything. However, she has mistaken a globe for Bonnie's pregnant stomach and Demond Wilson, star of the 1970s sitcom Sanford and Son for Loretta. However, Nigel's insurance agent was in his closet and overheard everything. The men are rescued moments before the madman arrives to kill them. As soon as he does, he takes the time he has by himself to rethink his life.

    Meanwhile, in a parody of the musical My Fair Lady, Stewie tries to teach Eliza, Nigel's daughter, to overcome her "common" Cockney accent and speak "proper" English, one of the lessons based on Stewie's matricidal efforts. He wagers with Brian that she will be a proper lady at her birthday party (though Brian does not seem to go through with it). Eliza does admirably...until she wets herself in front of everybody.

    The men and their wives celebrate their success at the Drunken Clam, which has been re-bought by Horace and returned to normal. Nigel is hanged at the Tower of London back in England, and Eliza gets sent to a hell-hole orphanage. She sends Stewie a letter threatening to kill Lois if she gets out, wanting revenge and possibly knowing Stewie would enjoy it, which he does.
  • I kill you british!! lol.

    I've got some British blood in me and I enjoy this episode for a number of reasons the first being the subplot - Stewie teaching a british girl his age how to speak properly and then it all being for nothing. The next is one joke where Stewie mouths "F@#$ You" to Brian and Brian states "I'm telling" Stewie then being horrified says "no wait I said vacuum! Vacuum!!" that was a great joke and then the third thing was how the British are portrayed as evil f#$s that was funny and the final thing was Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe in prison oh and one other thing when the boys have no bar they stand in front of the fence and do the King Of the Hill thing "yep" Yep" "Yep" "mhmm". They were all great moments this was a pretty good episode.
  • Those darn British!

    A hurricane rages through Quahog, and it destroys most of the city. The guys are especially depressed to find out their favourite bar, the Drunken Clam, has been destroyed, and actually bought by a British man who turned it into a British Pub! The guys brainstorm ways to retrieve it back, but fail. The next day, the Pub was burned down, and the blame went on Peter and his friends. Though the wifes thought the whole thing was fishy, and decided to investigate Nigel to find out the truth. Through a bizarre series of events, the men were released from prison, and Nigel was hanged.

    A good episode that provided me those series of giggles and laughters that I've always been looking forward to every time I watch Family Guy. Some of those same flashback moments that appear every time Peter recalls the past seemed pretty pointless in this episode, but the other moments, like the arsonist being a giant fire breathing bug, and Peter watching his imprisonment live on TV while being ignorant of his own situation, gave pretty good laughters.
  • Holy crap! It’s a gay bar!

    After starting season three with three strong episodes, Family Guy needed a great plot for the fourth episode to live up to the expectation. And although this episode isn’t as good as the three before it, it does have some brilliant scenes such as the insurance guy not being suspicious of Nigel and Peter pulling the chair from underneath Lois after promising her she could trust him.

    Stewie’s frustration at the British language is great, with great lines from Brian such as “No, that wasn’t the bet. How about you just shut up for about a week”.

    There are a few faults in this episode but overall it is a quality instalment of Family Guy humour.
  • Includes one moment I wish would happen in real life...

    Early in the episode, \"Asian Correspondent Tricia Takanawa\" is reporting from the streets of Quahog about the approaching hurricane; she only manages to get a few words out before being knocked out-of-frame by a flying Buick. I always think of this scene when I see these idiot journalists from CNN, NBC or whatever standing outside during hurricanes...
  • Brilliant!

    'One if by clam, two if by sea' is the first episode I have seen of 'Family Guy', and may I say, this show is hilarious! From the repeated "I'm going places!" / "You're cool!" phrases at the beggining, to the best animated speech line I've heard (?) in a long time (the giant bug going "Good! Good!" at the middle of the story), this episode has kept me laughing to tears to the end! I mean, come on, it can't get worse than that little girl, with her mind blowing accent!

    'The loif of the woif is taken by the knoif'

    Oh, please... :D
  • In my opinion, definitely the worst episode to date. I'll tell you why.

    This episode was so out-of-whack. Why? It had too much of a story. Every second of this episode was devoted to building on to the story, and plot twists happened so fast and everything kept getting faster and faster really made it hard to decipher all that was going on. The plot kept switching until you really didn't care what was happening.

    Here's the whole story for you:

    A hurricane is coming. It comes. Everything is ruined. The boys go down the street and notice the Drunken Clam is in ruins. They talk to the owner, who sold it. A bulldozer moves some rubble out of the way and the Clam is completely intact. They go inside and notice it's full of British people. They don't like it and try to find a different bar. Every bar they go to sucks. They go home. Peter meets the guy who--

    Y'kow what, I'll just tell you the ending: Peter and the boys get out of jail when the lawyer (who was hiding in a closet) discovers that the owner of the bar burned down the town and the owner of the bar is hung and his daughter swears to kill Lois.

    This episode was just flawed. Every new character introduced was just obnoxious and didn't belong anywhere near Family Guy. And the multiple storylines escalating faster and faster really got you ticked off and at the end, you're so exhausted you don't want to think about what just happened, you don't want to know what just happened. You just want to walk away.
  • One of the coolest episodes aired yet!

    I loved this episode. It was one of the best episodes before the series was discontinued, and then continued. I thought Eliza was cute. I hope we do see her again soemtime, taking her revenge for what Lois did to her father. The best part was during the "Quahog Tea Party." And Peter says "It may taste like Jewish spit, but I don't care!!!" One of my favorite episodes. =D
No results found.
No results found.
No results found.