Family Guy Season 4 Episode 6

Peter: All right everybody, time for paint ball!
Brian: Uh... I forgot to pick up the paint ballguns.
Joe: We can use these, (he brings a box of live guns) I brought them from the office.
Everyone takes a gun.
Lois: Peter, is it safe to be firing real gun in the house?
Peter: All right, All Right, nobody fire at Lois, she's scare... Okay 1.. 2.. 3... GO!

Quagmire: (after Peter shoots him in the leg) Dammit, Peter, that hurt!
Peter: Relax, Quagmire. You're doing better than Peter Weller from the opening scene of "RoboCop".
(scene switches to Joe, Mort, and Cleveland shooting Peter Weller)
Peter Weller: (screaming)

Lois: Now, that the mess is all cleaned up and we're back from the emergency room, it's time for the last game of the night, Trivial Pursuit.
Peter: Aw, man! I hate Trivial Pursuit. Always makes me feel so stupid.
Brian: More stupid than that time when you locked your keys out of the car?
(flashback to a time when Peter locked his keys out of the car)
Peter: Dammit. Hey, somebody!
(a guy walks by)
Peter: (to the guy walking by) Hey, sir? You see those keys down there? Sir? Oh, screw you!
(guy walks off)
Peter: (uses a bent coat hanger to get his keys, but fails, starts crying afterwards)

Peter: Well excuse me for being retarded. My whole world is turned upside-down. Black is east, up is white.
Brian: Peter, I hate to say 'I told you so' about not being a genius, but uh... YEAH! IN YOUR F**KING FACE, F**KWAD! I'm... I'm sorry.

Peter: Attention, restaurant customers. Testicles. That is all.

Peter: (On the phone) Hello, Sally, h-hey, it's Peter Griffin. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah, it's been a while, yeah. So, uh, listen, uh, I just found out I'm retarded, and, um, I'm just calling to let you know that, uh, you might want to get yourself tested...Hello?
Lois: Peter, mental retardation usually happens before you're born. It isn't something you can catch. Don't you think you're overreacting?
Peter: Well, excuse me for being retarded!

Peter: This plan is so perfect it's retarded.

Meg: (about Peter being retarded) I can't believe this is happening to me! I can never go back to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not two years of grotesque appearance, or awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight!

Peter: (reading a card) For whistling at a white woman, go directly to jail. Awh, man! Doesn't anyone ever win at this game?
Cleveland: You don't win. You just do a little better each time.

Chris: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Meg: We have the same dad, idiot!
Chris: Yeah, but mine's smarter!

Brian: Uh, Peter according to this you're not a genius. In fact you're mentally retarded.
Peter: Oh yeah? Well would a mentally retarded guy have hired a bulldozer with a drunk driver to level half of his house in celebration of his fantastic test results?
Brian: Uh, maybe.
Peter: Oh.

Peter: Good thing I just watched that National Geographic special on firetrucks!

Lois: Peter is it safe to be firing real guns at each other in the house?
Peter: Alright alright, nobody fire at Lois, she's scared.

Lois: Okay here we go, "What color is a fire truck?"
Peter: Aww, oh God I always get these. Umm..okay..uhh..all right.. fire truck.. fire truck fire truck fire truck fire truck. What color are those red fire trucks? Uhh.. Oh god I can picture them now...all red and everything.

Joe: So, what can I do for you Peter?
Peter: Well Joe, I need to talk to you about something kind of personal.
Joe: Shoot.
Peter: Well, you know, I took this test and, uh, it sorta turns out that I'm technically mentally retarded. And, um, i just wanted to ask, ya know, how do you deal with it?
Joe : Deal with what?
Peter : You know, with being retarded.
Joe : Peter, I'm not retarded, I'm handicapped.
Peter : Oh, well now you're just splitting hairs.

Peter: Don't say retard Chris, we prefer to be called little people.