Family Guy

Chris: If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll be just so that I can poke poor people with a stick!

Coco: You simply must join us in a game of baccarat. Peter: Right baccarat atcha!

Aunt Margarite: (On her video will) Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. (Leans closely into the camera and glares angrily) Aunt Margarite: But I was wrong. Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter.

(Lois' beloved Aunt has come to visit and knocks on the Griffin's front door, Lois answers it.) Lois: Aunt Margarite! Margarite: Lois, I ughnnnn. (Margarite drops dead on the spot) Peter: Whoa, be careful what you wish for, eh Lois? Heh Heh!

(Meg and Chris burst in to the kitchen to bicker in front of an already occupied Lois) Meg: There is no way that I'm sleeping in Chris' room this weekend; it smells like old milk in there! Chris: Hey, if I could find it, I'd clean it up!

Peter: Lois, it's time you start living like the piece-of-schmidt you are.

Lois: Peter, we have to meet with Aunt Margarite's lawyer tomorrow. She left us something in her will. Peter: Holy crap! Aw, ya sweet ol' broad, I love ya! (Grabs Aunt Margarite from her coffin and begins to dance with her, later he realizes what he had done, and drops her on the floor.) Oh, my god! She's dead!

Lois: (To kids) You know how your father feels about (whispers very lowly) Aunt Margarite. (Peter rushes in to the room) Peter: Who said 'Margarite'?!

Lois: Aw, come on. she's only gonna be here for a week... Peter: Aw no! damn, damn, crap, dammit it to hell, son of a- Lois: Peter! Peter: What? sometimes its okay to swear. (flashback to a court scene) Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god? Peter: I do. (Pause) You bastard.

Peter: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman. Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation. For example, 'it's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having.' Now you try. Peter: 'It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.' How's that? Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again.

Peter: Your Aunt Margarite is probably laughing at me right now while she's burning in hell, may she rest in peace.

Ted Turner: I'd like to announce I've given the a gift the whole world can appreciate, I've colorized the moon.

Full Lyrics and breakdown for This House is Freakin' Sweet Chorus: We only live to kiss your ass Servant #1: Kiss it? Hell we'll even wipe it for you. Chorus: From here on out its Easy street. Peter: Any bars on that street? Servant #2: Twenty four happy hours a day. Peter: Oh boy! Chorus: We'll stop Jehovah's at the gate. Guard: Can I see that pamphlet sir? Peter: My God this house is freakin' sweet. Chef: I make lunch, Clive makes brunch, each and everyday. Blake: Chocolate cake, A-La-Blake Peter: Hundred bucks, Blake is gay... Chorus: We'll do the best we can with Meg. Meg: Are you saying I'm ugly? Servant #3: It doesn't matter dear, your rich now. Chorus: We'll do your nails and rub your feet. Lois: Oh that's not nes- oh... Chorus: We'll do your homework every night. Chris: It's really hard. Servant #4: That's why we've got that Stephen Hawking Guy. Peter: My God this house is freakin' sweet. Peter: Used to pass lots of Gas, Lois Ran away.... Peter: Now we've got thirty rooms, Peter: Hello beans, good bye spray!!!! Chorus: We'd take a bullet just for you. Stewie: Oh what a coincidence I've got one. Lois: Stewie! Chorus: Prepare to suck that golden teat! Chorus: Now that Your Stinkin' rich, we'll gladly be your bitch. Peter: My God this house, Chorus: is Freakin' Sweeeeeeeet. Welcome! (Break in Song) Peter: I recognize that tone, tonight I sleep alone. But still this house is Chorus: Freakin' sweet.