-
Lois: Stewie! Head for Meg's butt!
Stewie: Have you lost your mind?!
-
Stewie: (Through the TV) Mommy?
Lois: Stewie? Where are you?
Stewie: Look behind you, you stupid cow!
-
Brian: You know, we wouldn't be messing around with ghosts if you hadn't desecrated an Indian's remains.
Peter: Probably not a good time to mention I'm using the skull as an athletic cup.
-
Peter: I'll tell you what isn't safe: going hunting with Dick Cheney. (In flashback about hunting with Dick Cheney.) We all set to go hunting?
Dick Cheney: (Shoot Peter several times with a shotgun) Sorry, I thought you were a deer.
-
Mayor Adam West: I just bought a Rottweiler, and I need a sign to warn people how dangerous it is.
Home Supply clerk: (Pointing to BEWARE OF DOG sign)... Well, we have exactly what you--
Mayor Adam West: Ah, yes, here it is...(Motions to One Way sign)... So people will know if they step into my yard, there's only one way out--in a body bag from dog injuries.
-
Peter: We're gonna get those terrorists. Now, watch this drive. (Swings and hits golf ball through portal)
-
Brian: So what was it like on the other side?
Stewie: It was alright. I met Jesus.
Brian: Oh, what's he like?
Stewie: Believe it or not he's Chinese.
Brian: Oh, really.
Stewie: Yeah, and his last name is Hong, Jesus Hong. He said he doesn't know where everyone got Christ.
-
Lois: Oh, Peter, I'm so proud of you. Once again you've brought our family to the edge of the abyss and at the very last minute you saved us all. I love you, honey.
Peter: And I've grown fond of you, Lois. Let's go home.
-
Stewie: (as he is being sucked into the spirit portal through his closet) Ahh, I haven't seen anything suck this bad since... I Heart Huckabee's!
-
Peter: Between you and me I hear Joe's got a little free time these days. I hear he hasn't touched Bonnie in months
Joe: Peter, you just whispered that to me.
-
Tom: A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who they're gonna call?
Diane: (Sighs) Ghostbusters, Tom?
Tom: No, Diane, their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.
-
Peter: Lois, we both agreed, remember? If we could only save two, we would leave Meg.
-
Lois: Peter, are you peeing in that skull?
Peter: No Lois! I'm getting up and walking all the way to the bathroom and doing it there...Pain in the ass.
-
Gay Mailbox: Hello, Hello! Right here! Yeah, just right here, just go ahead and put that right in here.
(Mailman puts mail in mailbox)
Gay Mailbox: Num-Num-Num-Num-Num...Gulp! Heheh, just kidding!
-
Quagmire: As you can see, my family is here and it's game night. We're playing ... sex.
-
Herbert: (to the tree about Chris) Hey there, skinny britches. That's my man!
-
Stewie: Yeah, yeah, Oh they're doing a spin-off. He still plays Joey, but...um...it's not doing that well.
-
(Stewie is talking to a TV full of static)
Stewie: Yeah, Yeah, Oh you didn't see it? Ross and Rachel got back together, it wasn't that great.