Stewie: Brian? What are you doing?
Brian: (With scissors to his ear) I'm gonna cut off my ear to prevent World War 2! (cuts off his ear, both he and Stewie scream in horror until Brian passes out on the bathroom floor)
Meg: You are completely selfish and totally irresponsible as a father.
Peter: All right, I see what's going on here. You're in love with your old man.
Meg: (scoffs) You have no education, you have no interests. You just do whatever reckless thing you want to do whenever you want to do it without regard for anyone else. Oh, and when you're not terrorizing the community with your impulsive escapades, you're being a total jerk to your family! You shove your daughter's face in your ass and you FART on it!
Meg: God, if someone in the outside world could see the way you treat me, you would be in jail!
Peter: (laughs again)
Meg: Oh. (chuckles) Oh, this is amusing to you. Well, see if you find this funny!
Peter: (grinning) I like where this is going.
Meg: You're a fat, lazy, abusive blue-collar Irish Catholic dad who drinks way too much and barely makes enough money to support his family! You've lived half your life and you have NOTHING to show for it! Your only arguable accomplishments are your kids! (gestures to herself, Chris and Stewie) And look at us! We're a disaster!
Stewie: Hey, watch it.
Meg: (not listening to Stewie) You're a total and complete embarrassment in every possible way! Take a good look at yourself, Peter Griffin! You're a waste of a man!
Meg: (to Peter & Lois) Have either of you been listening to me? Do you both have your heads up your asses?
Chris: Dad did. Look he has crap on his ear.
Peter: That's unrelated.
This episode was originally going to air on May 1, 2011 as part of a three part crossover between Family Guy and Seth MacFarlane's two other shows, American Dad and The Cleveland Show. But these three episodes were soon cancelled due to the devastating tornadoes that ravaged the southeastern United States. They were eventually aired in October 2011.
Stewie: Return the map! Return what you have stolen from me!
This is a line from the movie Time Bandits.
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