Lois (and various)
Meg (season 2+)
Chris (and various)
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Barbershop Quartet Singer 1
Before the air battle, Stewie tells his minions that the cow button fires weapons. However, he presses a little red one to fire his missiles during the actual battle.
In one scene Peter is laying out food for Lois to eat, and you see several different dishes. Then a flashback plays, but after the flashback all of the dishes are gone and have been replaced with a huge plate of cake.
Bertram goes from conception to birth to playground age in this episode, but no one else ages.
The missiles thrown by Stewie & Bertram, look like crayons.
At one point while at the Drunken Clam Peter worries that he may regret getting a vasectomy. However a vasectomy can be reversed though it is pretty expensive to do .
Stewie: So be it! I'll do to you what B.C. does to comedy on a daily basis!
(Cut to B.C. comic strip.)
Caveman #1: Hey, why is Juan so happy?
Caveman #2: I think he finally figured himself out.
Caveman #1: Huh, I guess it takes Juan to know Juan.
(Stewie appears in front of strip.)
Peter: Well, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland: You poor bastard. Sex is pointless without the potency.
Quagmire: Yeah. You take the venom out of the cobra, and what have you got? You got a... a belt!
Announcer: We now return to Morgan Freeman starring in "The Narrator."
Morgan Freeman: Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. And I figured you either get busy talkin or you get busy dyin'. The work is really quite easy. Why even right now I'm just sitting in a chair, sipping some tea and reading from a script. The wall is covered in something that resembles egg crates except they're soft and spongy, like a twinkie...like a twinkie.
Chris: Say Doc, what did you do with the all the fat you took out of my mom?
Dr. Hartman: It's right here in this storage closet.
(He opens the closet and sees Peter having sex with the bag of far
Peter: Um, it's exactly what it looks like.
Stewie: When I'm finished with you, you're going to hate me more than the other vowels hate 'Y' .
(the "A" "E" "I" "O" and "U" are in a reunion)
A: Well, for our next activity-
(the "Y" comes up talking in the phone)
E: Well, well, well. Look who decide to show up.
Y: (in the phone) Well, no no, I could do that for you, yeah...oh that was a good one. Better I´ll call you later for some reasons. Ok, bye.
(his phone rings again)
Y: (answer the phone) Yeah, hello? Oh no, I can talk, F.
Joe: A lot of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, and their lives haven't changed much.
Cleveland: Would you ever have one?
Joe: NEVER!! (Slams Cleveland's head on the table)
Lois: Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy?
Peter: First: I don't know what that is. And two: no freakin way.
Lois: Do you think I'm fat?
Waiter: Only if you think I'm a serial killer.
Lois: I think I'm pregnant.
Peter: Oh, are you sure it's yours?
Bertram: What took you so long?
Stewie: What took you so ugly!?
Peter: Well kids, just when I thought I would never find an assistant coach, I ran into this drifter hanging out near the elementary school playground. He's got a clown costume in his trunk, so we know he's good with kids, and pictures of boys in their underwear, so, eh, he's probably had some medical training. Well, I'm going to take off while he fits you for cups in that window-less supply shed. See Ya!
Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighters.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.
(Peter's flashback to the time he tried wearing adult diapers)
(Peter walks into dining room where rest of family is eating)
Peter: Hey Lois, Hey kids! Oh boy, that smells delicious! You know I'd love to stay and eat with ya, but I gotta meet Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire down at...(lengthy pause)...the bar. So, uh, just put my dinner in the 'fridge, and I'll heat it up later. Love ya!
Lois: I now understand that eating is not the way to solve my problems. You hear that, Meg?
Meg: For your information, Mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. I cut myself. Is that better?
Lois: Chris we all love your hat.
Chris: Thanks Mom!
Chris: For my science homework, I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man.
Lois: You mean diorama.
Peter: Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat.
Bertram: Victory will soon be mine!
Stewie: Anyone else want to feel my Weebok in their grapes? Then you'll all do as I say!
Peter: Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'!
Peter: ( sees fat Lois come in ) Oh, hey Hogzilla. You seen my hot wife Lois anywhere?
Lois: I don't know. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her.
Peter: (laughs sarcastically) Hey, do me a favor. When you're in bed, point your butt the other way. Last night, you farted, swear to god, I thought someone was stickin' me with the cigarette lighter from the car.
Lois: Peter I'm not hungry.
Peter: I want you bigger, I want you fatter, it will please me.
Brian: Lois has gained some weight since you guys stopped having sex. Maybe you should, uh, you know, have some sex.
On Cartoon Network they cut out the scene where Peter & Lois have a no rule funny car race to settle their vasectomy dispute.
Stewie and Bertram's swordfight scene at the playground alludes the first swordfight scene between Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) in the 2003 movie Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl.
Stewie's "On my signal, unleash hell!" is a parody of Russell Crowe's similar quote in the 2000 movie.
The song that Peter sings for the inmates is Milkshake by Kelis.
The Shawshank Redemption
Morgan Freeman: You either get busy talking or you get busy dying.
Peter sees a trailer for an upcoming TV movie, "The Narrator", starring Morgan Freeman. Freeman starred in and narrated "The Shawshank Redemption", saying the phrase "you either gey busy living, or you get busy dying" a number of times.
The Scene with the squirrel is lifted from the movie "Ice Age"
The Blues Brothers
Stewie: You got my Cheese Whiz, boy?
This is an exact quote taken from the film, The Blues Brothers. When Elwood Blues returns to his hotel, a man uses the exact same phrase, and Elwood throws him the Cheese Whiz in the same manner as in this episode. Cheese Whiz is a processed cheese product.
Star Wars: A New Hope
Bertram: I sense something. A presence I haven't felt since...
This is an exact quote spoke by Darth Vader taken from the original Star Wars film.
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