Lois (and various)
Meg (season 2+)
Chris (and various)
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Cleveland/Herbert/Performance Artist/Greased-Up Deaf Guy (and various)
We learn that Lois and Peter wanted to abort Meg. This may be the same abortion Peter mentioned way back in "Dammit Janet!"
Ringo Starr did write or help write a few songs for the Beatles. One of his songs was Octopus Garden, co-written with Harrison.
Stewie fires about 10 shots at Lois before the shot switches to Lois, who only has 4 bullet holes in her. Than after they switch to Stewie and back again, the bullet holes are in different places. On top of that, as she falls over the guard rail, she has only one visible exit wound, but suddenly has 5 more as she's falling, and the wounds have moved around again. Also, while Lois was sinking, you could clearly see that she had no exit wounds in her back, even after seeing the bullets pass through her when Stewie shot her, and when you could see them when she was falling off the boat.
The Kool-Aid guy gag is a callback to the series' first episode.
We learn that Quagmire used to be a stand-up comedian.
Brian: Great. This is even a bigger waist of time then Ringo's songwriting.
(Cuts to a scene with Paul McCartney, George Harrison and John Lennon in a recording studio when Ringo Starr enters)
Ringo: Hey guys I wrote a song!
Paul: Oh thats great!
John: Oh good Ringo!
Paul: (Takes the song) You know what? I'm gonna put it right here. (hangs it up on a refrigerator) Right on the refrigerator. That way we'll get to see it everyday.
Ringo: All right!
Quagmire: That fat bastard murdered Lois! That son of a bitch; he's a killer like Bernie Getz! You know, the killer from the eighties. I used to do a bit on him back when I did stand-up.
(Flashback to a younger Quagmire on a stage)
Quagmire: Ah, what else is in the news? Oh, oh Bernie Getz. D-Did you hear this? This guy Bernie Getz shot a bunch of muggers on the subway. Wouldn't mind having him when I go see my mother in law. (Microphone whines) No, but really, New York City's a great place to live...if you're a COCKROACH!
Man in Audience: You suck!!
Quagmire: (Sadly) I know.
Peter: You've got this all wrong. Like God did when he made Rosie O'Donell.
(cut to scene of a drunk God creating a person)
Angel: You can't put a vagina on this man.
God: And why not? I'm God.
Angel: Well what do you wanna do about the breasts?
God: Take a couple out of the bin we can't find matches for.
Joe: I didn't know that you had life insurance on Lois. Did you get that right before the cruise?
Peter: Actually I got it one the cruise. Right after we had that big fight when I said 'I wish you were dead'. Right before I never saw her again.
Stewie: You know, Meg has really flourished since Lois was murdered.
Brian: What are you talking about? Lois's death was an accident.
Stewie: Which is just what someone who pulled off the perfect murder would want you to think.
Brian: What the hell are you - Stewie, did you kill Lois?
Stewie: Of course I didn't, Brian. Remember what you said? I'm all talk. I wouldn't possibly go through with it. I just poop and fall asleep.
Brian: Oh my God. You did it. You actually did it.
(Stewie's head has spun half way around)
Stewie: Oh God, I really screwed myself up here. Listen, could you reach into my pocket and get the number for that accupuncturist?
Brian: You son of a bitch, you killed Lois!
Stewie: Good luck proving that Brian. But seriously, get that number.
Brian: Well, I am going to expose you for what you are. No matter what it takes. You are gonna pay for this!
Stewie: I did it! She's dead! (runs down the boat,laughing. He suddenly falls) Ow ow! (begins crying) Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! (realizes) Oh, yeah. That's right.
Chris: But I haven't seen Mom since she took me back-to-school shopping.
(cuts to living room. Joe is dressed like Lois with make-up and clothes)
Joe: So sweetie, you ready to go get some new notebooks and protractors and slacks?
Chris: I want blue jeans.
Joe: (yelling) You're getting SLACKS!
Judge: Mr. Foreman, how say you?
Foreman: We find Peter Griffin guilty of murder in the first degree.
Peter: Oh no!
Bruce: Oh no!
Brian: Oh no!
Meg: Oh no!
Chris: Oh No!
Kool-Aid Guy: (Crashes through courtroom wall) Oh yeaaaah!
(slowly backs out)
Judge: Okay, can I ask everyone to please stop saying "Oh no" in this courtroom? Cause the f***ing Kool-Aid Guy's gonna keep showin' up. Thank you.
Prosecutor: Mr. Griffin, do you drink?
Peter: I plead the fifth of Jack. Haha, no, no I'm joking, yes I drink.
Prosecutor: And have you ever struck your wife?
Peter: Only in front of the kids to assert my status as dominant male of the pride.
Prosecutor: Are you a violent man?
Peter: (rolling up his sleves) What are you, a wise guy? Cause I know how to deal with wise guys.
Prosecutor: No further questions.
Peter: You son of a bitch. If I had a gun on a boat I'd shoot you.
Brian: Hey, where've you been?
Peter: I had another date.
Brian: You know, I'm glad you're finally putting yourself out there. Lois would have wanted you to move on.
Peter: Yeah, only this one was kind of awkward. My date was a stick figure.
(scene cuts to restaurant)
Peter: So...I...how would this work...in bed?
Stick Figure: Well, I can't do sex, but I can give you a stick job.
Peter: That, uh, that sounds-
Stick Figure: Yes, it is very unpleasant.
(cuts back to house)
Peter: But the freakiest was that date I had with Bonnie.
(Scene cuts to the Swanson bedroom)
Bonnie: Peter, you don't know how bad I want this.
Peter: I don't know Bonnie, it's just a little weird, Joe's a friend of mine.
Bonnie: No, it's okay, I promise you, it's okay.
Peter: Ehh, I'm not sure.
Joe: It's okay Peter.
(Stewie drags in a wagon full of weapons)
Brian: What are you doing?
Stewie: I'll teach that hussy to go on a boat ride without me. When she returns, I'm going to put bamboo splinters under all her finger nails. Then I'm gonna strip her down and tie her to the bed.
Stewie: Then I'm going to make her crawl on her hands and knees while I drip hot candle wax all over her back.
Brian: Uh, and then what are you going to do?
Stewie: Uhh, let's see.
Brian: You gonna shower her off after all that candle wax?
Stewie: No, I'm gonna keep her filthy!
Brian: Yeah, she's been a bad girl
Stewie: And then I'm gonna gag her with her own brazier.
Brian: No, no nothing, nothing. That's all part of your diabolical plan to...humiliate her.
Stewie: Yes, yes, she'll be humiliated.
Brian: Maybe you'll handcuff her, she'll hate that.
Stewie: Then I shall do that as well.
Brian: And call her a bitch.
Stewie: Until I'm hoarse with rage!
Brian: Maybe smack her ass with a riding crop.
Stewie: Yes, and then-- what?
Brian: No I mean that would like, t-- that would show her.
Stewie: Are y-? You're getting some kind of sick sexual thrill off of this aren't you?!
Brian: Who cares?! You're not gonna kill her anyway. You're gonna bitch and moan, and then you're gonna do what you always do. The minute Lois walks through that door you're gonna forget all about it, beg for your apple juice, go poop and fall asleep.
Ship Officer: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to bar you from the aft section of the ship for the rest of the cruise.
Lois: We are so sorry. Peter, what the hell do you thing you were doing?
Peter: Lois, it is called "the poop deck", that is why I pooped there.
Ship Officer: You're disgusting.
Peter: And you're misleading.
Stewie: Farewell Brian, I'm off to sea. An hour from now, I'll be surrounded by seamen; sperm whales and seamen. Oooh, a swallow.
This episode was intended to be the season five finale, but due to extended contract negotiations, production was halted and the episode was not completed in time.
Before this episode aired, a half-hour retrospective on the first 100 episodes of Family Guy was shown.
The title of this episode is an ironic play on the title of the first episode of season five.
Harrison Ford Movies
Harrison going around telling random people he wants his family back is a reference to a line from the 2006 movie Firewall and the 1988 movie Frantic.
The scene where Herbert holds up a phonograph under Chris' window is a nod to the 1989 movie Say Anything, where John Cusak's character does the same thing for Ione Skye.
The Muppet Show
When Stewie is overheard thinking to himself, he mentions "Pigs in Space", which was a recurring skit on The Muppet Show.
Saturday Night Live
At the end of his newscast, Tom Tucker scribbles on his paper and throws his arm into the air while saying, "That's the news, and I am outta here." This was Dennis Miller's trademark sign-off for "Weekend Update" on the television series Saturday Night Live.
Star Trek: The Next Generation
The ending music and credits in this episode referenced the third-season cliffhanger ending on Star Trek: The Next Generation Best of Both Worlds.
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