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Quagmire: Alright, I caught a fish.
(fish goes into Loretta's shirt)
Quagmire: Oh, Sorry about that, Loretta. Hey uh, can I have my fish back?
Loretta: Awww, you're gonna have to reach in the cookie jar.
Quagmire: Oh, uh, I can't just... You're my best friend's wife, ...reach in there, alright!
Loretta: Yeah, you go in and get that. Show that fishy who's boss.
Cleveland: Loretta, they have some of that three-bean salad you're so fond of. Hey Quagmire.
Quagmire: Well. We'll uh, have to do this again sometime.
Loretta: You name the time and the place, little neck.
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Cleveland: I hate Bewitched. RAAAAAAAGH!!
(Cleveland flips the couch Stewie is sitting on upside down)
Stewie: Hey, so, that's a pretty reasonable reaction, huh?
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Cleveland: Loretta, is it true what they're saying? Were you really having carnal relations with another gentleman?
Loretta: I'm a woman, Cleveland! I need some passion in my life! I need a real man, and lord knows that ain't you!
Cleveland: Well, I admit after a long day of work, I don't always come home with that "Reuniti on ice, that's nice" mentality, and for that, I apologize.
Loretta: Apologize? I cheat on you and you apologize to me? Cleaveland Brown, you are pathetic!
Cleaveland: I disagree, but I respect your candor.
Loretta: Goodbye, Cleveland! (pushes him out)
Cleveland: I love you...
(Loretta slams the door in his face.)
-
Lois: Sometimes, women want a man to just, be a man. GO WILD! (pulls down pants)Peter, hit me!
(Brian hits her butt)
Brian: (awkwardly) So.... It's pretty bad Loretta is cheating on Cleveland....
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Peter: Cleveland, Loretta's cheating on you.
Cleveland: What?!
Peter: Yeah. Funny story; Me and Brian came by your house and caught her with some guy, and he's going "Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!" and She's going "Ohhh yeah", and he's going "Bam! Bam! Bam!"
Brian: Uh, Peter...
Peter: Hold on, I'm not done yet. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! You wanna take it from here, Bamm-Bamm?
Bamm-Bamm: Bamm-Bamm! Bamm-Bamm-Bamm! You wanna take it from here, Emeril?
Emeril Lagasse: Bam!
-
Peter: You know for a large heavy-set black guy, Cleveland's got a cute little white ass.
-
(Joe falls in the ocean.)
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
-
Brian: Hey, do you hear that?
Peter: What?
Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming.
Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say?
Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming.
Peter: Trouble at the old mill?
Brian: What are you insane?
Peter: Somebody fall through the ice?
Brian: It's summer.
Peter: Bobcat?
Brian: (Barking) RURURURURURU!!!
Peter: Loretta's in trouble?! Come on boy!
-
Loretta: Shut-up and put some more of that sugar in my bowl.
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Stewie: (to Cleveland) Can I--can I touch your hair? I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna touch it. (touches hair) OOOOOOOO, it's like a sheep!
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Peter: All right, Cleveland, if this doesn't light a fire in your belly, nothing will. (puts on a mask of Quagmire's face) Hey, look at me, I'm Quagmire! I had sex with your wife! Giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy!
Cleveland: Hahaha! Those are so his mannerisms!
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Quagmire [as President Clinton]: My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did gi-googidy that girl. I geschmoegedied her geflaivedy with my googus. And I am sorry.
-
(Stewie stands up next to CPR dummy and puts on clothes)
Stewie: Well, I can't believe we just did that. Um, but that stuff about spending the day together tomorrow? Um, I forgot, actually, I have a thing. But, uh... you know... you have my e-mail address, so drop me a line, and then I have yours, and uh...we'll take it from there. So um... (pokes the dummy's belly button) Boop! Boop! Belly button. Well, I'll see you later.
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Darrin Stevens: (Sprinkling holy water on Endora) The power of Christ compels you, bitch!
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Cleveland: (angrily) Glenn Quagmire, you're dead!!