-
Peter: Stewie, I know you're a little mad at me right now, but when you see where I'm taking you you're gonna change your mind.
Stewie: Oh, yeah right, I'm gonna change my mind. We just sat on a plane for three hours to come to Florida, God's waiting room, for who knows what...
(a sign appears saying "Disney World: 5 Miles")
Stewie: (begins bouncing off the walls, literally) OH, DISNEY WORLD! DISNEY WORLD! OH, OH, I WANNA GO TO DISNEY WORLD! DISNEY WORLD! DISNEY WORLD! OH! OH! OH! (stops bouncing around when he notices he's holding Peter's head, then gets back to pouting in his seat) I'm still mad at you.
-
Peter: Have you my son?
Dumbo Crow: Well, I done seen just about everything, but I ain't never seen your boy, no way, no how!
Peter: That's good, old-fashioned family racism.
-
Lois: Peter, we need to talk about your son.
Peter: Which one? The fat one, or the funny lookin' one?
Chris: (laughs at Stewie) Dad called you fat! Wait...
-
Lois: All I'm saying is that you just need to find an activity that you and Stewie can share. Oh, Peter can you reach that box of rice? (Peter accidentally knocks the box of rice on Lois' head.)
Peter: Oh, sorry Lois. (Stewie starts to laugh).
Stewie: Oh, oh, that rice got you bitch.
Peter: Hey, Stewie's laughing. Hey, you think that's funny? You like that? Hey, hey Lois you want some beans with that rice? (Peter throws a tin of beans at Lois, Peter and Stewie laughs).
Stewie: Oh, oh, I missed judged you fat man.
Lois: Dammit Peter, what's wrong with you?!
Peter: Wait, wait, wait, Lois don't move, Stewie's loving this. (Peter throws a jar of pickles at Lois, Stewie laughs).
Stewie: Oh, see if she's got any cash on her.
-
Herbert: Well Jessie I guess we gotta find some other way to spend our evenings.
TV announcer: And now back to ESPN's exclusive coverage of the little league world series.
Herbert: Ohhh JACKPOT!
-
Lois: Peter did you take Stewie to a strip club? he smells like Sweat and fear.
Stewie: Ughh let me tell you Tuesday afternoon is not exactly their "A" squad, I actually saw bullet wounds.
-
Brian: Great idea bringing Stewie to Fenway park Peter.
Peter: Yeah there's no better place for a father and son to really get to know each other then a ball game.
Brian: Ah where is Stewie?
(Cut to Stewie sweating and stuck in the car in the parking lot with all the windows up)
Woman: Is that a baby in there?!
Man: Oh My God... He's gonna miss the game.
-
Stewie: Well I suppose it's not the first time someones made a miscalculation.
(Cut away to Back to the future)
Marty: What happens to us in the future Doc?
Doc: It's your kids Marty somethings gotta be done about your kids!
Marty: What do you mean?
Doc: Your daughter marries a black man!!
Marty: That's actually not a big deal for me
Jennifer: Yeah me neither
Doc: Wha-it-wha-it-you...Really?
Marty:Yeah I mean what's wrong with that?
Doc: oh oh ah Nothing! nothing it's nothing I guess.. I think it's great! congratulations.
Marty: I don't think I'm comfortable around you anymore.
Doc: Did you know Peanut Butter was invented by a black man?
Marty: Too late Doc.
-
Lois: Miss Hobson Stewie's really been acting out a lot at home and I was just wondering how's he been behaving at school?
Miss Hobson: Mrs Griffin let me show you some pictures he drew in class.
(Flicks threw various pictures of Stewie killing Lois.)
Miss Hobson: Notice anything unusual?
Lois: I sure do, his father's not in any of them.
Miss Hobson: Exactly.
-
Peter: That jerk Opie got employee of the month again, all because my boss hates me.
Joe: Maybe you need to brown nose her a little bit Peter.
Quagmire: Really? I thought you said she was ugly...Oh-oh-oh you-you-you mean kiss up to her.
-
Peter: Aww things were going so good for me and Stewie, but now he hates me again. Brian what should I do to win him back?
Brian: That depends. Do you want my advice or are you just asking random questions again?
Peter: What's a hypotenuse?