The Kiss Seen Around the World

Season 3, Episode 8, Aired

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    • Neil: Well, well. It appears the fates have conspired in our favor, eh, Meg? Meg: Look! Stay away from me, Neil! Just because we work together doesn't mean I have to like you. (Neil takes Meg's clipboard) Give it to me! Neil: What's that? Meg: Give it to me, Neil! (Neil pulls out a tape recorder and plays back Meg) Meg on tape: Give it to me! Give it to me, Neil! Neil: Yeah. That'll work just fine. (Meg groans)
    • Tom Tucker: In other news: There was trouble at the White House today when President Bush stuck his finger in an electrical socket. When asked why he did it, the president replied "Cheney told me that was where leprechauns hide their gold".
    • Diane: And reports indicate she has also consumed a record amount of seamen. Tom: Well, that sounds like one powerful Hurricane, Diane.
    • Chris: When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonet up my nose, it tickles my brain. (Chris sticks the bayonet up his nose and hurts himself.) Chris: Ow. Now, I don't know math.
    • Lois: What's going on down here? Stewie: Uhh... we're playing House. Lois: That boy's all tied up. Stewie: (pause) Roman Polanski's House.
    • Meg: The moon. There's a reason no one goes there. It's cold. And it's ugly. And it's surface is plagued with deep craters and jagged peaks. (gasps sarcastically) Wait a minute, that's not the moon! It's Neil Goldman's face!
    • Tom Tucker: School children washing cars to raise money for charity. Is there anything more arousing?
    • Neil: Here's your coffee Mr Tucker. (Tom drinks it but spits it out) Tom Tucker: What the hell is in this! Neil: Sweet N' Low. That's for trying to steal my woman! Tom Tucker: Go back and bring it to me with urine in it like I asked! Neil: (running away) Yes sir.
    • Peter: Hey, c'mon Stewie. Your mom and I have something for you. Stewie: Oh let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn and turn, until, whoop, big shock, a jack pops out. And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.
    • Chris: (To Mort Goldman) My mom told me to be on my best behavior and to not mention "poo". Oh God, what have I done?
    • Peter: (While videotaping a bag blowing a wind) Look! It's dancing with me! It's like there's this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there's no reason to be afraid. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world, it makes my heart burst. God: (Angrily) It's just some trash blowing in the wind! Do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is?
    • Meg: I'm gonna go up to my room and eat a whole bag of peanuts! (Peter and Lois stare at her) I'm allegeric to peanuts! (Peter and Lois continue to stare) You don't know anything about me! (runs upstairs) Peter: Jeez, who was that guy?
    • Diane Simmons: And in entertainment, Mary Tyler Moore is 64 years old today. Tom Tucker: Really? 64? Diane: Yes! Tom: Now I thought she was dead. Diane: Nope, she's alive. Tom: Fantastic!!! And now this...
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  • Allusions

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    • Lexington And Concord The name of this episode refers to the "shot heard 'round the world" that started the American Revolutionary War, taken from Emerson's poem "Concord Hymn."
    • American Beauty Peter: It's so beautiful The part where Peter videotapes the bag in the breeze (up until the part where God yells at Peter for saying that it's just trash in the wind) is from a scene in the 1999 movie American Beauty where a kid videotapes a bag blowing in the wind.
    • Quantum Leap Neil: Al, why haven't I leaped? "Al" appears out of nowhere through a flash of light and explains to Neil "Ziggy says you can't leap until she loves you back." Al is from the TV show Quantum Leap, and Ziggy is his handheld computer. The show is about a guy, Sam, who travels time and takes the form of a person in order to relive parts of their lives for them so as to avoid making mistakes.
    • Peabody's Improbably History Brian: Well, Peter, we're going to visit the year 1492. This skit is a parody of the old cartoon Peabody's Improbably History. Brian plays the part of Peabody and Peter plays the part of Sherman. Peabody was a cartoon series about a time-travelling dog and his pet boy, Sherman. Using Peabody's "Wayback Machine", the pair would take jaunts through history, and usually wind up instrumental in making events come out "right", i.e., the way they're depicted in history books.
    • Roman Polanski Stewie: We're Playing Roman Polanski's House This is a reference to the murder of Roman Polanski's wife, Sharon Tate, on August 8th, 1969. Sharon Marie Tate-Polanski, her unborn baby boy, Paul Rich Polanski, friends Jay Sebring, Wojciech Frykowski and Abigail Folger were tied up in the Polanski home and murdered by a group led by Charles Milles Manson called "The Family." It may also reference Polanski's later statutory rape of Samantha Geimer in his basement.
    • Fast Times At Ridgemont High Tom Tucker: Meg, you know how cute I think you are. Fast Times at Ridgemont High was a coming of age teen movie of the early 80s. In the movie, Judge Reinhold's character Brad fantasizes a hot brunette (Phoebe Cates) coming out of the water saying, "Hi Brad, you know how cute I always thought you were," and she walks towards him as she takes off her top, and was set to Moving in Stereo by the Cars. Meg's fantasy about Tom Tucker in this episode parodies this scene, and is even set to the same song.
    • Huey Lewis Peter: We all miss the News Meg, but Huey Lewis needs time to create, and we need to learn to be patient. Hewy Lews is the lead singer in the 80s band, Huey Lewis and the News, a band that skyrocketed to fame. Interesting side note, they were the group that wrote the music for the song "Ghostbusters" they later sued the movies creators for ripping off their song (a suit that they won)
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