Take My Wife
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Lois (and various)
Chris (and various)
Meg (Production Season 2+)
Cleveland/Herbert/Performance Artist/Greased-Up Deaf Guy (and various)
Joe swims in this episode to save Peter & Brain, even though Bonnie once said that Joe can't swim.
When Joe saves Peter and Brian, the guys do the sudden shave bit on Peter. Peter raises his left arm to touch his hair. However, In the next scene it is shown that his left arm is broken.
Songs played during the karaoke night:
Summer Nights from the musical Grease
Everybody Hurts by R.E.M
In one scene, a home movie shows Brian as a puppy. But Peter first met a homeless Brian on the streets.
Lois: (comes out of a door with a bag of trash) Peter, what are you... (sees that Peter is in a shopping cart on the roof held by Cleveland and Quagmire) What are you boys doing up there? Get off the roof!
Peter: Go back in the house, Lois! We're being Jackass! Okay, ready?
Joe: All, right! We're rolling.
Peter: Hi, I'm Peter Griffin and this is Shopping Cart... Roof... R... R-Roof... Roof Shop... Roof Shopping Cart Guys. (to Cleveland and Quagmire) Okay, go! (Cleveland and Quagmire let go of the cart; Peter rolls down and lands badly) Ow. Ow. Ow.
(he gets up and his head is hanging upside down and four jagged bumps are visible under his skin; everyone groans in horror)
Cleveland: Oh, my God!
Quagmire: Oh, my God! Are you okay?
Peter: I don't know! I don't... W-what does it look like? What do I do? What... (feels the bumps) Aah! Aah! What is that? What is... I feel something!
Joe: It's your spine, dude! It got, like, yanked up a bunch of notches!
Peter: I'm scared! I'm scared! I'm scared! I'm sca...
(vomits on Brian)
Brian: Aah! Oh, God!
Peter: Does this get fixed with ice or heat?
Cleveland: Ice now, heat later.
(Stewie is in the shower with Rupert scrubbing him off)
Stewie: We'll talk about it when you want to talk about it. I don't blame you. I... (Whispers and begins to rock back and forth) I don't blame you.
(New Brian is baking in the kitchen and Stewie comes in)
Stewie: Hey, New Brian, bad news, you gotta leave.
New Brian: Huh? What are you talking about. This is my home.
Stewie: Nobody likes you here man.
New Brian: Well, I disagree. I think everybody likes me.
Stewie: No we don't. We don't like your cooking, your stupid karoke nights, and we especially don't like the way you hump that chair in the den.
New Brian: Well, Rupert seems to like my humping.
(Stewie gives a stagnant pause)
Stewie: What did you say?
New Brian: Rupert. Humped him for two hours yesterday. He just laid there and took it.
Stewie: Did he.
New Brian: Yeah. Now every time you're sleeping with him, he's gonna be thinking of me.
(Dramatic pause. Nest scene shows Stewie draging a trash bag to the garbage can outside with a trail of blood following it)
Peter: Hey Brian, I though maybe we could spend the afternoon together.
Brian: Really? That'd be great.
Peter: Awesome, 'cause I got this new gun.
Stewie: Here we go.
Peter: And I thought we could go deep in the woods, uh, where no one would ever think to look.
Stewie: Oh boy.
Peter: And uh, just shoot it.
Peter: You know, like so far in that no one can hear gun fire.
Stewie: Little on the nose.
Peter: Or screaming.
Brian: Uh, I don't think so Peter. (Brian walks away)
Peter: (to Stewie) Jeez, Its like he thinks I'm gonna shoot him.
New Brian: (Singing) I don't like fancy learnin' books, I don't like apple tarts. I don't like cozy breakfast nooks, I don't like modern art. Well I like farts.
New Brian: (Singing) Yes I like farts! I like long farts, short farts, wet farts, your farts, I like farts. If you've got heart.
Peter: (Singing) Oh, I've got heart.
New Brian: (Singing) Let's hear those farts.
Peter: (Singing) How do I start?
New Brian: (Singing) Well Peter I will help you get your fartin' started.
(New Brian and Peter proceed to make farting noises in tune with the song)
New Brian: Think fast!
Meg: Wow, deodorant! Are you sure I'm old enough?
New Brian: Oh, I think so. I'm gonna make you a little less gross every day.
Meg: Dear Diary, today at the school library, I saw a picture in National Geographic of a woman with nipples that cover most of her breasts too. And suddenly, I didn't feel so alone.
Peter: Trust me, you guys are gonna get along better than Abraham Lincoln and his neighbor.
(cut to a scene outside of a log cabin, Lincoln walks out to get his paper)
Lincoln: Hey Dale, I noticed your lawn is getting a little high.
Dale: Yeah, I used to have a guy for that, dick.
Lincoln: Okay now, you have a good one.
Peter: I'm Peter Griffin, and I am The Greatest American Hero. My special power is being somehow memorable after a very short run on TV.
Peter: Cleveland shut up! I saw something on TV that I want to imitate.
New Brian: Hey gang! Whose leg do you have to hump to get a hug around here?
Peter's line, "Oh, you have a guitar" is spoken and pronounced almost exactly like Jill Whelan's line in Airplane!
Watching Cleveland and Brian is Mumm-Ra, the chief villain of the ThunderCats in the '80s animated series with the same name.
"Is that the one with the fish?"
"No, that's American Boy"
This is an allusion to one of Seth MacFarlane's other animated sitcoms, American Dad!
Peter claims to be "The Greatest American Hero" during one of his stunts. The Greatest American Hero was broadcast on ABC from 1981 to 1983.
The Man With Two Brians
The title of this episode is a parody of the 1983 Steve Martin movie The Man With Two Brains.
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