Lois (and various)
Meg (season 2+)
Chris (and various)
Peter / Stewie / Brian / Quagmire / Tom Tucker (and various)
Cleveland/Herbert/Performance Artist/Greased-Up Deaf Guy (and various)
As Stewie tans lies "getting his bronze on," he is listening to an instrumental version of the Burt Bacharach and Hal David classic, "I Say a Little Prayer for You."
The painting in the Chicago Museum of Art that Stewie stares at transfixed is the 19th century masterpiece A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by George Seurat. It is a definitive example of the impressionist style known as pointillism.
When Stewie gets into the tanning booth, he's wearing goggles and headphones. When Brian goes to wake up Stewie, he's not wearing either of them.
Stewie complains that Jim Henson's death led to funny-sounding Muppets, using Kermit the Frog, Swedish Chef, and later Fozzie Bear as examples. However, Fozzie was voiced and operated by Frank Oz, and therefore Henson's death would've left his voice completely unaffected.
The midget from the cutaway right before Peter goes into Kyle's house seems to be re-used from the episode 'Mother Tucker' (although he was a "dwarf" in that one)
Featured Music: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Dream Academy
While Peter and Lois are arguing, Lois says Peter is 43 years old.
(Brian is teaching Stewie to ballroom dance)
Brian: If you're going to make me do this, at least let me lead.
Stewie: Okay, fine. (they move close together) I love you.
Stewie: Olive juice.
Brian: "Olive juice"?
Stewie: "Olive juice" you, too!
Quagmire: Hey, hey, hey, hey that's a stroke!
Peter: I just tapped my ball, Quagmire. Relax.
Quagmire: Oh relax, huh? Look, I just tapped my ball. Oh, just tapped it again. Tap, tap, tap...oh where is it? It's in the hole. Eagle. Yay Quagmire!
(Quagmire bends his putter across his knee and throws it against the cart)
Joe: Hey Quagmire, you know it's not fun when you're like this.
Quagmire: You want fun? Go home and buy a monkey!
Cleveland: What does that even mean?
Quagmire: I don't know. (voice drops to normal) Boy, we've got a beautiful day for this.
Peter: Hey, Stewie, nice sunburn! (Slaps him on the back)
Stewie: Aaah, you horse's ass!
(Peter and Lois are sitting on the sofa and Chris walks in telling them about the Bully)
Peter: Chris, you have to stand up for yourself, like my great-grandfather Turn-Of-The-Century-Take-On-All-Comers Griffin.
(Black and white scene of Peter's Great-grandfather in a boxing ring with a kangaroo)
Peter's Great-grandfather: (in a posh voice) Alright, put 'em up! Put 'em up! Are you having a Bully day? I'm having a bully day. Is everyone having a bully day?
Posh man in the crowd 1: Bully!
Posh man in the crowd 2: Bully!
Posh man in the crowd 3: Yes, Bully!
Peter's Great-grandfather: Oh, thank god we live in this time!
Brian: You're talking out of your ass!
Stewie: It doesn't matter Brian, I'm tan! Hey, Brian, Brian, Brian... Look at my tan walk!
Peter: Randy Fulcher used to pants me every chance he got.
Young Peter: My book report is on The Giving Tree (A kid pulls down Peter's pants)
Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
(Class laughs at Peter)
Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
(Cut to hallway. Randy pulls Peter's pants down)
Randy: Hah! Hah! Nerd!
Kids: (Come out of no where and start laughing)
Young Peter: (whining) Randy!
(Cut to urinal. Peter's at the urinal. Randy pulls Peter's pants up)
Peter: (whining) Randy!
(After Joe drives his ball onto the green)
Peter: Hey Joe...
Joe: Don't say it Peter.
Peter: No. I was just wondering...
Joe: Peter, I swear to God!
Peter: What's your handicap?
Joe: (yells while laughing) Every hole! That's a joke that doesn't get old!
Brian: Well, that's it for the list.
Stewie: Not quite Brian. There's one more thing I need you to do before I die. (Hands Brian a pencil and a pad of paper) Write down my final thoughts?
Brian: Oh, come on!
Stewie: (Softly) I don't have much time.
Stewie: Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid. I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision. But when I try to look at you, you scurry away. Are you shy, squiggly line? Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye? Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.
(Stewie is standing in the mirror, peeling off his dead skin)
Stewie: Hey Brian, you want some Stewie jerky?
Peter: Like Dick Cheney when he was a Wal-Mart greeter.
Dick Cheney: Go (beep) yourself. Go (beep) yourself. Go (beep) yourself.
Peter: You got Legos? Aw, sweet! Lois only buys me Mega Bloks.
Lois: They're the same thing, Peter.
Peter: You know what, Lois? They are not the same thing. And the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the sooner we can get this marriage back on track.
Peter: (in tree) Well, maybe you should have just had an abortion, Lois! Would that make you happy if I was never born?
Peter: I'm going to prison, aren't I?
(Old guy staring at a midget)
Midget: Sir, would you please stop staring at me?
Old Guy: Where's the rest of ya?
Peter: I'll do it Lois. Right after a healthy breakfast of juice, toast, and store brand imitation frosted flakes featuring Terry the Tiger.
Terry the Tiger: They'reeeee... food!
Herbert: What's going on in my pants? Looks like we got six more weeks of winter.
Joe: Hey, do you think it's time to talk to Quagmire about his anger issues with this game?
Cleveland: A white man shouldn't play sports in the first place.
Peter: It's Cleveland I'm worried about.
Cleveland: (wearing a President Nixon mask) Peter, is this really necessary? I can't hardly see anything.
Golfers: Hey, look, it's President Nixon! (Cleveland takes off mask) No, wait, it's a black guy! (Cleveland puts mask back on) No, it's Nixon.
Herbert: Boys, Boys. We can settle this like reasonable and sexy teenagers. Whoever can swallow the most Tylenol PM wins.
(Brian is taking the trash out, and hears music)
Brian: Stewie, what are you doing?
Stewie: Just gettin' my bronze on baby. Hey, what do you think of my recumbent tan pose? Huh, legs probably spread a little wider than they ought to be, but who gives a damn. This is just tan Stewie being tan Stewie. Check me out Brian.
(Stewie grabs a Tab soda from a cooler and drinks it so the label is showing, then turns to the camera and smiles)
Peter: Hey Fulcher!
Peter: The feeling's mutual.
Fulcher: What are you doing here?
Peter: I'm here to kick your ass, Fulcher. I'm gonna beat ya, and then my son Chris is gonna beat ya. It's gonna be an old fashion father-son beat-off.
Chris: Wait a minute dad, you can't hit him.
Fulcher: Yeah, I have MS.
Peter: Oh, ya hear that Chris? This guy's got a monkey scrotum and he's braggin' about it. Now ya really got me mad.
When Brian asks the guy at Stewie's party for a cigarette, he gives him one along with a script for his screenplay that he says is like Brokeback Mountain, but from the horse's perspective. That's a 2005 movie about two married cowboys who have an affair for decades.
As Stewie realizes that bein' out in the sun all day has darken his skin tone, he looks at himself in the mirror and says "wow, look at me, I'm a young Eartha Kitt, Grrrrrrr!..." Eartha Kitt was mostly known for her role As The Catwoman in the 1960 TV Series of Batman. Orson Welles once called her "the most exciting woman in the world."
The Sound of Music
When Peter has Joe strung up, they sing the first few lines of the song The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music.
Mr. Furley walks in on Brian in an awkward situation with Stewie. This is reference to the show Three's Company where he would do the same to Jack.
The Giving Tree
In Peter's flashback, he was presenting a book report on The Giving Tree, a book by Shel Silverstein.
Peter once had a pet Mogwai, and fed him after midnight. This refers to the movie Gremlins. The method of killing a "Gremlin" in the microwave is also a reference to the infamous "kitchen scene" in the first Gremlins movie.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Stewie visits the Art Institute of Chicago and sees "A Sunday on La Grande Jatte" by Georges Seurat. The scene is an allusion to the 1986 film Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
The Tan Aquatic With Steve Zissou
The title of this episode is a reference to the movie The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou starring Bill Murray.
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