Family Matters

Steve: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. Why, you teach us things about life! Ms. Steuben: Oh, you really think so? Steve: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one.

Steve: Ms. Steuben, listen! You taught Laura to slow down and stop taking shortcuts. And you taught Cathy Lynn Nubbles, the poster girl for useless people, what it's like to do things for herself.

Steve: You're a wonderful teacher. Ms. Steuben: No, I'm a nervous teacher! I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking!

(after Steve's Urk-yeast exploded all over the room) Steve: Ms. Steuben…I told the janitor about our little problem here. Ms. Steuben: Is he coming? Steve: Uh…no. He opted for early retirement.

Ms. Steuben: Listen, now, you tried as hard as you could and I'm gonna be generous and give you a C. Steve: A what? A what? Ms. Steuben: A C. A C! Steve: But… but, I never… I never got less than… than an A. Ms. Steuben: So? Steve: So, I can't live with that! Why, it'll ruin my transcript. Ms. Steuben: Get a hold of yourself, Steven. Steve: I can't. I can't! Oh, the room is spinning. Oh, yes it is! I… I'm getting dizzy. Oh, my God! I feel stupid!

Ms. Steuben: I'm going to give you an A. Waldo: (Pause) Wow! Could you write that A down on a piece of paper? I wanna take it home and read it to my mom.

Ms. Steuben: Waldo! What a turkey! Waldo: Hey, you don't have to like my cookin', but, please, don't call me names!

Ms. Steuben: Alright, class. This semester we're…. Steven, you'd better get going. You're late for class. Steve: Oh, no I'm not. I'm in this class. Ms. Steuben: That's…that's not funny, Steven. Steve: Oh, I'm not joking. So, what's cookin', good lookin'? (laughs) Ms. Steuben: Uh, excuse us…just a minute. (Pulls Steve to other side of room) Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semester and you told me HOME EC! Steve: Well, yes, I did. Ms. Steuben: But…here you are. It's not fair.

Carl: This baby has a remote. I'll be in all the videos. Estelle: Then you'll need a wide-angle lens.

Harriette: Laura! This oven is on 550. Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. Steve: (Cracks up) Oh, that's rich! That's one for the books! Ohh! How could a girl so smart do something so…so…. So long!

Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Steve: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. A small gastronomic goof up. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. Harriette: Laura, translate.

(After putting out Laura's oven fire) Steve: You're safe now, Missi. Laura: Thank you, Steve. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Steve: Oh, I understand. Laura: You did good. Steve: You love me, don't you?