Family Matters

Carl: (after Rachel tells him that Richie wants nothing but a Freddy Teddy for Christmas) So, what is it? You need some money, Rachel? Is, uh, Fuddy Duddy expensive? Rachel: Freddy Teddy. No. It's not that. It's just that I've been to every toy store in town, and they're all sold out. Carl: Oh. Rachel: You know, the toy companies do that on purpose. See, they deliberately create a shortage, which increases demand, which shoots up their profits! Carl: Rachel? Rachel: You know, they don't give a HOOT about the customer! It's just money! Money! Money! I tell ya, it just burns my boots. Carl: Rachel... Rachel: Y'know what? I'm'a call my congressman. N-n-no! I'm'a call the senator! Oh, forget that! I'm callin' the PRESIDENT!

Carl: I'll call Al Mushman. Rachel: Oh, who? Carl: Al Mushman. Our equipment supply officer. He can find anything. If there's a "Fonky Franky" within 500 square miles... Rachel: Freddy... Teddy. Carl: Whatever. Mushman will know where it is. Estelle: Carl? Carl: Yeah? Estelle: Is Al Mushman cute? Carl: I guess. Estelle: Is he single? Carl: Yes. Estelle: And he can find anything? Carl: Right, Mama. Estelle: Then tell him he can find me here tonight at 8:00.

Steve: I'm spending Christmas with my Uncle Cecil. Carl: I thought your Uncle Cecil was busted for operating an unlicensed hot-tub club. Steve: He beat that rap. He had a Polaroid of the judge tickling the baliff with a rubber ducky.

Eddie: Steve, you shouldn't have told Richie that Santa was going to bring him a Freddy Teddy. Steve: Well why the Sam Hill not? Laura: Because Aunt Rachel's having a hard time finding one. Steve: Well, why's she even bothering? That's Santa's job.