Family Matters

Carl: I bring home darn close to 50% of this family's bacon. Estelle: And you eat darn close to 90%.

Steve: Aaah! Aaaah! Rachel: It's okay, Steve. I'm here. Steve: I know! You're standing on my finger!!

Laura: Steve… Steve: Laura! Oh, you're a sore for sight eyes

Steve: To be quite honest, Fuffner, I'd written you off as being incorrigible. Willie: What did he say? Waldo: He called you a gerbil.

Steve: (About the punch) What is this? Mango?

Laura: [Urkel]'s acting weird, even for him.

Steve: I'm the pife of the lardy!

Carl: (about his hangover remedy) This will either cure you or kill you. Steve: Either way, I'll be better off.

Laura: You're inviting Harvey Garvey to your party? Maxine: Sure, why not? Laura: Well, for one thing, he's only got four teeth. Maxine: Yeah, but he doesn't eat much.

(After drinking Carl's hangover remedy) Carl: Well, what's the verdict? Steve: Hey… not bad. I think it did the trick! (stands up) Steve: Wha oh. Carl: Steve, what's wrong? Steve: I think it just did another trick. I'd better visit the facilities quickly!

Laura: Anyone wanna dance? Willie: Maybe later. We're doin' something. Waldo: What we doin', Willie?

Laura: Max, we gotta liven this place up. Nobody's dancing. Steve: Have no fear, the Urk-man's here. Why, I'll have the neighbors complaining in no time!

Steve: Harv, crank up the music! It's time to do The Urkel!

Waldo: Willie told me not to tell. Laura: Tell what? Waldo: That he spiked Urkel's punch. Laura: What?! Waldo: I said he… hey, wait. You can't trick me.

Steve: Rachel, what are you doing? Rachel: Tightrope walking. Steve: Do you know how to do that? Rachel: … No.

(hanging for the side of a building) Steve: I've fallen and I can't get up!

Police Officer: Okay, where'd you hide the booze? Willie: I don't know what you're talkin' about, Officer. Waldo: He prob'ly means the booze that was in my coat, Willie!

Carl: You have my sympathy, Steve. I know how you feel. Steve: Really? Well, tell my about it, Carl. Carl: WELL… Steve: Quietly.

Steve: Oh… my whole body hurts. Even my eyelashes hurt… and I think my tongue could use a shave.

Willie: I'm gonna get Urkel. Waldo: But, why ya gonna do that, Willie? Willie: Because, he humiliated me. Waldo: But, you humiliate me everyday. Willie: That's different. You're my friend. Waldo: Oh yeah.

(Waldo shows off a jacket filled with little bottles of alcohol) Laura: Waldo, where'd you get those? Waldo: My dad's a stewardess.

Laura: Drinking is for losers. Willie: Hey, Waldo. Say hello to Saint Laura. Waldo: That's Laura Winslow. (Willie hits him) Waldo: … Hey, a party!