Family Matters

Carl: (trying to match Harriette's raise in the game) Alright, I'll wash the dishes, clean the garage, shampoo the carpets, and cook dinner for a month. Are we even? Harriette: There's one more thing, Carl. Carl: Oh, no, not scrubbing the bathroom! Harriette Yep, I want you poking that porcelain until it shines!

Laura: Steve Urkel and bleachers... Steve Urkel and food... he stabbed himself eating peas! Steve: Hey, those peas were in a butter sauce. Laura: You always do this, Eddie: shirk and blame, shirk and blame, shirk and blame. Eddie: Well, I had something else to do. Laura: Shirk. Eddie: Steve's the one who messed up. Laura: Blame... Steve was just trying to do you a favor, but in all honesty, you don't deserve a friend like Steve.

Carl: I've been playing poker for over 30 years. I know what I'm doing. Harriette: Oh, really? Then why is all your money going into my purse?

Harriette: Jacks are wild, Jacks are welcome, got no Jacks then it's lowball. Carl: How do you know all this? Harriette: I told you before, Carl, I've played this game before.