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Father Jack: A pair of feckin' women's knickers!
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Ted: Where did you manage to stick Jack in the end?
Dougal: Ah, they've got this great place, Ted where you can put people who don't want to go shopping. They can just stay there and have a laugh.
Ted: Really? Never heard of that. Were there other people there?
Dougal: Ah, loads of people, Ted. He'll be fine.
(Meanwhile, Jack is in a creche, smoking a cigarette and surrounding by children playing)
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Dougal: (about the Christmas tree lights) Gone, back, gone, back.
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Dougal: What's going on?
Another priest: I think Ted has a plan.
Dougal: No, I mean in general.
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Dougal: (talking about scary films) Ah c'mon, Ted - a Volkswagen with a mind of its own driving around all over the place and going mad - if that's not scary, I don't know what is!
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Mrs. Doyle: (attempting to guess the new priests name) Father Hank Tree. Father Hiroshima Twinkie. Father Stig Bubblecard. Father Johnny Helzapoppin. Father Luke Duke. Father Billy Furley. Father Chewy Louie. Father John Hoop. Father Harry Cakelinem. Father Rabulah Conundrum. Father Pee-wee Stairmaster. Father Tri-Peglips. Father Jemimah Ractoole. Father Jerry Twig. Father Spodo Komodo. Father Canabramalamer. Father Todd Unctious.
Father Todd: Yes!