Father Ted

Ted: That's right, Dougal. You see, ordinary shops sell what look like black socks, but if you look closely, you'll see that they're very, very, very, very, very, very, very dark blue. Dougal:: That's true. I thought my uncle Tommy was wearing black socks, but when I looked at them closely, they were just very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very dark blue. Ted:: Never buy black socks from a normal shop. (whispers) They shaft you every time! (Dougal looks worried)

Ted: How long has Father Jack been living in there? Dougal: Uh, he started just a few days after you left. Ted: Maybe he's agoraphobic? Dougal: Jack scared of fighting? I don't think so, Ted.

Father Fitzpatrick: You put cyanide next to the vallium, you old fool! That's asking for trouble!

Dougal: Ted, here's an idea right off the top of me head. I haven't thought it through so it's probably not brilliant but what the hell, I'll just talk and see what comes out.

Ted: Celebration yes but what form could it take. Dougal: Ted I want out. Ted: What do you mean? Dougal: I went too far too soon. I didn't know what I was getting into, Ted. I didn't know you had to follow up a good idea with loads more good ideas. I'm sorry Ted. I'm going to sleep in the spare room.

Ted: Who says I'm a racist? Colin: Everyone's saying it, Father. Should we all be racist now? What's the official line the church is taking on this. Ted: No no. Colin: Only the farm takes up most of the day and at night I just like a cup o' tea. I mightn't be able to devote myself to the ol' racism.

Colin: Hello there, Father. Ted: Hello Colin. ha ha. Out and about? Colin: Ah yap. Same as yourself. Ted: Good good. Colin: I hear you're a racist now father.

Father Fitzpatrick: And this is the last known photo of Herr Hitler; he's signing a few death warrants there. Ted: Funny how you get more right-wing as you get older!