Father Ted

Dougal: Fr Stone's been in there a long time hasn't he? Do you think he's dead? Ted: Probably doing tests. Dougal: What sort of tests? General knowledge?

Ted: God I hate hospitals. Dougal: Do you ever notice it's usually sick people who end up in hospitals?

(In the hospital waiting area.) Dougal: Who would have thought being hit by lightening would land you in hospital? Ted: What? What are you talking about? Of course it can land you in hospital. Dougal: Well it's not usually serious is it Ted? I mean, I was hit by lightening a few times and I never had to go to hospital Ted: Yes Dougal, but you're different from most people. All that happened to you was that balloons kept sticking to you.

Ted: Old women are closer to God than we'll ever be. They get to that age and they don't need the operator anymore. They've got the direct line.

Dougal: How did you meet him in the first place? Ted: He was introduced to me by Father Jim Dougan, we were at a conference. Dougan came up and said "This is Father Stone" and ran out of the building.