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Fr. Stack: While you were out, I got the keys to your car and drove it into a big wall and if you don't like it, tough! I've had my fun, and that's all that matters.
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Ted: Dougal, have you been drinking?
Dougal: Yes Ted, I've been drinking like a mad eedjit! (Winks at Fr. Stack) I mean no, I haven't.
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Father Fintan Stack: (to Father Rory and Father Ken) So long, girls!...Pair of wankers.
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Father Fintan Stack: I want to listen to some music.
Ted: Oh, that's fine, you go ahead there.
Father Fintan Stack: I wasn't asking for permission.
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Ted: Come on, Divorce Referendum!
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Ted: Meals are at eleven, one, half-two, three, five, seven, and nine, and if you want a quick snack, you can just ask Mrs. Doyle there.
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Ted: What was it he used to say about the needy? He had a term for them...
Dougal: A shower of bastards.
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Dougal: Well, Ted, as I said last time, it won't happen again.
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Mrs Doyle: Ah, look at him there with his hairy hands!
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Ted: His note from the bishop said they never really found a suitable place for him... he's not a very nice man, is he?
Dougal: God, Ted. I've never met anyone like him anywhere... who would he be like - Hitler or one of those mad fellas.
Ted: Oh, worse than Hitler. You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at 3 o'clock in the morning.