Father Ted

Dougal: It's like a big tide of jam coming toward us, but jam made out of old women.

Eoin McLove: Go away. I don't want to catch the menopause.

Father Ted: Ehm, Eoin, Did you enjoy your tea? Eoin McLove: What? Yeah, uh, I don't know, whatever. I want to go now it's getting dark. Dougal: You're not afraid of the dark are ya? It's only because the sun goes... eh, uh. There's this... It's got something to do with clouds.

Dougal: I know! We'll lure them into a giant bingo game! Ted: And how are we going to do that? Dougal: We'll print up some bingo cards on our printing press and...oh. Ted: Yes, it's the lack of a printing press that lets us down there. Or bingo balls. Or a PA system. Or in fact, any bingo paraphernalia at all. Dougal: Damn. So near, yet so far.

Ted: Eoin, did you come with those suitcases? Eoin: No. These are yours. But I saw a lot of stuff that I liked and I'm taking them with me. Dougal: Oh, that's very cheeky

Dougal: I'm no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I'd say there's about seventeen million of them out there.

Dougal: It's like a great big tide of jam. But jam made out of... old women.

Dougal: I'm no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I'd say there's about seventeen million of them out there.

Eoin McLove: Go away! I don't want to catch menopause!