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Father Jack: They lie in wait like wolves...the smell of blood in their nostrils...waiting, interminably waiting and then...
(The others look at Jack ominously)
Dougal: He's right Ted!
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Dougal: It's like a big tide of jam coming toward us, but jam made out of old women.
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Eoin McLove: Go away. I don't want to catch the menopause.
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Father Ted: Ehm, Eoin, Did you enjoy your tea?
Eoin McLove: What? Yeah, uh, I don't know, whatever. I want to go now it's getting dark.
Dougal: You're not afraid of the dark are ya? It's only because the sun goes... eh, uh. There's this... It's got something to do with clouds.
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Dougal: I know! We'll lure them into a giant bingo game!
Ted: And how are we going to do that?
Dougal: We'll print up some bingo cards on our printing press and...oh.
Ted: Yes, it's the lack of a printing press that lets us down there. Or bingo balls. Or a PA system. Or in fact, any bingo paraphernalia at all.
Dougal: Damn. So near, yet so far.
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Ted: Eoin, did you come with those suitcases?
Eoin: No. These are yours. But I saw a lot of stuff that I liked and I'm taking them with me.
Dougal: Oh, that's very cheeky
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Dougal: I'm no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I'd say there's about seventeen million of them out there.
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Dougal: It's like a great big tide of jam. But jam made out of... old women.
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Dougal: I'm no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I'd say there's about seventeen million of them out there.
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Eoin McLove: Go away! I don't want to catch menopause!
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Eoin: I'm Eoin McLove. I can have you killed.