Father Ted

Season 3 Episode 3

Speed 3

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Mar 27, 1998 on Channel 4
out of 10
User Rating
47 votes

By TV.com Users

Episode Summary

Ted and Dougal turn detective to discover who's behind the bumper crop of hairy babies on Craggy Island. However when justice is done on the culprit he takes a terrible revenge. Dougal's moonlighting stint as island milkman is marred by a bomb set to go off if the milk float drops below 4 mph. Does 'The Poseidon Adventure' hold the key to his rescue, or would Father Jack's pet brick come in more useful?moreless

Who was the Episode MVP ?

No results found.
No results found.
No results found.
  • Best father ted parody ever!

    Where do I start with this Episode? It is hilarious from start to finish; this is easily My favorite Father Ted Episode, I mean you don't even to have to see Speed to know that it's funny. It is an excellent Irish take on speed yet it has alot of original ideas. This is a great episode for Dougal lovers but all the characters have great roles and have extremely funny lines. Some of the jokes are a bit silly but the rest of the episode made up for it. Pat Mustard was great, It was A shame that he died but is my favorite non-recurring character in Father Ted. The ending wasn’t great but when Dougle said “Ted! You forgot your brick!” I just cracked up laughing!!! Overall this is a brilliant Episode of Father Ted and I sure you’ll love it.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (15)

    • Ted: (appearing to draw a complex diagram furiously on the blackboard) Yes...gentlemen, Father Dougal is propelling the milkfloat by exerting a small amount of pressure on the accelerator. If we can replace his foot with an object that applies the same pressure, then I think we can safely remove him from the vehicle!
      Fr. Beeching: You mean...?
      Ted: Yes! We put the brick on the accelerator!
      (We see the blackboard; he has written "We put the brick on the accelerator")

    • Ted: You were jumping around with them and spinning them around!
      Dougal: I was only having a bit of fun!
      Ted: Yes, well that's no good reason why you threw up on me!

    • Dougal: Ted! You forgot your brick!

    • (Father Jack throws his brick at Ted)
      Father Jack: Ah, FECK IT! FED UP WITH BRRRICK!

    • Father Jack: I love my brick!

    • Mrs. Doyle: Father Crilly, Pat wants to know if he can put his massive tool in my box.
      Ted: Now see here!
      (Pat holds up a huge wrench)
      Pat Mustard: It won't fit in mine.

    • Ted: I know what's going on, Pat Mustard. There are some very hairy babies on Craggy Island, and I think you are the hairy baby-maker.
      Pat Mustard: Oh, yeah? Well, I think that you would need proof if you were going to make that sort of an accusation. And I'm a very careful man, Father. A very careful man!
      Ted: Except when it comes to taking precautions in the bedroom.
      Pat Mustard: Ah, w-... you certainly wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception now, Father, would you?
      Ted: Yes, I... well...if you're going to be...of course you will...JUST FECK OFF!

    • Father Ted: We put the brick on the accelerator!

    • Dougal: Watch this, Ted. (rubs letters off blackboard) You see? You can rub off the letters.
      Ted: But, Dougal, you can do that with any blackboard.
      Dougal: (shocked) What?

    • Mr. Fox: You'd better get going, because milk gets sour. Unless it's UHT milk, but there's no demand for that, because it's shite.

    • Ted: We need to do something practical! Something that will really help Dougal!
      (Next shot is of the three priests on a float, driving alongside Dougal saying mass)

    • Mrs. Doyle: Pat was just wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.

    • Ted: Dougal, don't you think that if we put this baby's moustache, this baby's head hair and this baby's sideboards together we'd get....Pat Mustard?
      Dougal:D'you think the babies could be copying his style?
      Ted: No, Dougal, I think Pat Mustard's been delivering more than just dairy products, if you see what I mean.
      Dougal: Yes...well...er...ye...well....yes.
      Ted: Do you?
      Dougal: No.

    • Dougal: YAY!! I'M A PRIEST AGAIN!

    • Dougal: Hang on...THOSE WOMEN WHERE IN THE NIP!

  • NOTES (3)