Fernwood 2Night

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(ended 1977)

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Episode Guide

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  • Season 1
    • Save "Fernwood 2Night" Telethon
      9/30/77
      8.5

      The set is bare after Barth sells most of the furnishings to avoid doing jail time in Miami. For the final episode of the series, Barth and Jerry stage a telethon to try and save the show. Two former guests return to join the telethon, Vern Taylor with his crazy rants and even crazier horn and Candy Lee Hargrove, who is just plain crazy. The show is replaced with America 2Night. *Despite being listed in the show's opening credits, Frankie "Kid" Carbone does not appear in the episode.

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    • The Ransom
      The Ransom
      Episode 64
      9/29/77
      0.0

      After Happy and the Mirth Makers perform Ice Cream Baby, Barth and Jerry interview three heavily disguised criminals. Wearing masks of a pig, a bunny and a pirate, the three share their views about what they think is causing the rise in crime. Bud Prize is back to reveal that he has received a "rancid" note demanding $28 in small bills for the safe return of his stolen chow-chow. Last is Phyllis Morris who delivers what appears to be a singing telegram but turns out to be a summons for Barth to return to Miami and appear in court.

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    • Fan Club President
      Fan Club President
      Episode 63
      9/28/77
      0.0

      Barth Gimble Fan Club president Mercedes Blyweiss presents a fan tribute plaque to Barth and Jerry Hubbard unveils his new instructional picture book, Cowboy Willie's Sex Book. Last on the show is consumer affairs adviser Lou Moffett with another questionable product for sale, Mister Boogie Dance Studio lessons. *Despite being listed in the show's opening credits, Benjamin Church does not make an appearance on this episode.

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    • Indian Princess
      Indian Princess
      Episode 62
      9/27/77
      0.0

      Tony Orlando's announced retirement is the show's opening topic of discussion followed by a musical number "for the young people" performed by Happy and the band. Furthering the visibility and positive representation of the American Indian is Princess Shosheen Rising Star's goal, the show's first guest. Following her is returning guest Dr. Stanley Turnbull who demonstrates how he uses puppets in his counseling and therapy. The show ends with Princess Star's Singin' in the Rain-dance.

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    • Amusement and Healing Parks
      9/26/77
      0.0

      Barth starts the show by answering some fan mail questions without revealing the original questions. Bob and Joanne Herlick, charter members of the Fernwood Shakespeare Society, perform their unique mixture of Shakespeare, music and tap dancing. Next is Nelson Phipps with his plan to build Lourdes West, a healing and amusement park where people can experience the miraculous Lourdes spring water and ride the Holy Roller Coaster in one place. The last guest is Michael Kerlin and his new book, Forgotten But Not Gone which details his experiences serving in the Secret Service's Special First Lady Division.

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    • Harry Shearer
      Harry Shearer
      Episode 60
      9/23/77
      0.0

      The show starts with Barth hocking himself in another Gimbleco Enterprise gimmick called Life of the Party. For a mere $40, you can hire him to attend your next function and he guarantees he'll make your next party a smashing success. Harry Shearer, President of the Tom Snyder Appreciation Society, comes on the show to express his displeasure over the comments Barth made about Mr. Snyder on a previous show. The Fernwood Female All Stars appear next but their interview is somehow hijacked by Jerry who then goes off on one of his senseless and meandering diatribes. Tommy Marinucci accompanies Barth as he closes the show with a song about his family and their noses.

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    • Battery Powered Car
      9/22/77
      0.0

      Virgil Simms introduces his battery powered car and sings Redneck Heaven. Dr. Emanual Kasinski returns to the show to share his views about establishing a homeland for gays.

    • Lattimore Diet Program
      9/21/77
      10

      A young musician is the first of tonight's guests. Featured in the Rocket to Stardom segment is six-year-old trombonist Kevin McCormick performing When the Saints Go Marching In. Harold Clemens, newspaper reporter and seeded tennis player is up next promoting an instruction article he wrote, Power Tennis for the Blind. The final guest is Mrs. Lillian Lattimore, the founder of The Last Resort, a weight loss prison for the chronically obese. Barth ends the show with a dubious public service announcement regarding getting water to California. *This is the second attempt to have Harold Clemens as a guest. The opening credits for Episode 10 included Harold Clemens but he never appeared in that episode.

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    • Singles Mingles Club
      9/20/77
      0.0

      Starting the show off are The Mission Army Singers performing Da Doo Ron Ron. The first guest is one of the founders of the Fernwood Art Museum, Margaret Woodbury, who talks about the recent art scandal. Barth sings a song about Miami before introducing his final guest, the founder of Fernwood's Singles Mingles Club, Chuck Jackson.

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    • Theological Correspondence Course
      9/19/77
      0.0

      Barth starts the show by asking the audience for a favor. He claims some unsavory characters-who may or may not have a "Cuban accent"-might have recently arrived in Fernwood in search of Barth. He asks the audience to answer, "Nope, never heard of him" should they be approached by anyone inquiring about Barth. First up is accordionist Frankie "Kid" Carbone performing his version of Rocky followed by Father George Reese, a local ecumenical promoting his Advancement Correspondence Courses for the clergy. Last on the show is Benson Flynn, a guilt-ridden accountant who wants to be executed, preferably by a firing squad. Barth decides to assist him in his quest through his latest Gimbleco project, Operation Execution.

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    • Dr. Harlen Washburn
      9/16/77
      0.0

      The show begins with Barth and Jerry reacting to some comments made by Tom Snyder. With the band's strike over, things return to normal. Tonight's guests include Edward Bailey, a hamburger bun juggler from the Bun-N-Run, Dr. Harlen Washburn, who describes his vision of integrated education and returning guest Baby Irene performing Animal Crackers.

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    • National Liquor Lobby
      9/15/77
      0.0

      Barth says a prayer on the show before introducing former daredevil now auto mechanics instructor Virgil Simms. He talks about being an auto-mechanics instructor at the Fernwood Community College. Also appearing is Elliot J Tubbs, the newly appointed National Liquor Lobby representative furthering the alcohol industry's cause. Barth ends the show with a song about truckers and fruit.

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    • Aunt Edith
      Aunt Edith
      Episode 53
      9/14/77
      0.0

      The show starts off on a somber note when Barth announces that the recently hired sportscaster, Jane Tiffany, was injured and is now in a coma, her prognosis uncertain. They proceed to hold an impromptu tribute to her which was quickly thrown together without hardly any thought or preparation and it shows. The first guest claimed to be Barth's Aunt Edith but is in fact Barth's former "patron" from Miami. This much older woman has tracked him down for the promised "services to be rendered" once she "put mirrors on every ceiling." The next guest claimed to be an accomplished dancer who defected from the Soviet Union but it becomes obvious that Serge Nabokov was kicked out because, as his mother put it, "you stink."

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    • Etiquette Guidelines
      9/13/77
      0.0

      Barth starts the show with a slide show of his travels around Hollywood. Guests for this episode are etiquette authority Meg Endicott and her new book, Etiquette Guidelines for the Future and U.S. Defense Department representative, Col. Morris Chandler, announcing the newly formed War Deprogramming Center, a facility that helps war veterans ease back into the civilian life by first returning them to the war.

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    • Behind Hollywood
      Behind Hollywood
      Episode 51
      9/12/77
      0.0

      The band's strike continues with Happy doing the music alone. Fernwood's punk rock group, Fifteen and Free, performs the song Fifteen and Free. Barth and Jerry aren't very impressed with them until they learn how much money they make; even Happy can't resist jumping on the punk rock wagon. Author Duane Goff plugs his book, Behind Hollywood, in which he shares many of his outlandish theories about some of entertainment's biggest names. The assistant coroner, Ray Sawchuck, is next with an appeal to help determine the identity of a dead body found at the bus station. The body is wheeled out on stage in hopes that someone will recognize him but to preserve his dignity, his face is concealed by a mask…of a duck. Viewers start calling in but they're not very helpful. *Possible out of sequence error: episode events indicate this episode originally aired after Episode 29.

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    • Harrison Edwards' Moon
      9/9/77
      9.0

      Barth and everyone else is all dolled up tonight - turns out it is ratings night. He also goes on to explain why his first guest, wrestler Rock Mondo, is laying on his back in the middle of the stage (he threw his back out while demonstrating how he threw his back out). Local Channel 6 sportscaster Jane Tiffany visits. Tony Rolletti is interviewed about his nightclub act. Former Fernwood school teacher Harrison Edwards is up next to explain why he was recently fired from his job. The 'Dream Jackpot' is up to $30 this evening. *Possible out of sequence error: episode events indicate this episode originally aired after Episode 28 (i.e. Episode 28, Episode 50, Episode 29).

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    • Pet Mating Service
      Pet Mating Service
      Episode 49
      9/8/77
      0.0

      Jerry shows off the home version of Fernwood 2Night while Barth asks the audience to write to their favorite game company and urge it to purchase the rights for this board game. The show's first guest is the young Sherry McCormick who sings I Like Dreamin' to her pet chicken, Ferky. Following along the animal theme is returning guest Connie Bushman who talks about her computer pet mating service. It's not quite like it sounds for this service mates the pet to a prospective pet owner. As a surprise to Barth, Connie has brought in what she believes is the perfect pet match for him; a boa constrictor named Theda. Barth, extremely afraid of snakes, freaks out, runs off and returns with a shotgun. After calm is restored, the show resumes with the final guest for the evening, Herbert Jansen, Birchfield's former mayor who was recently released from prison. The interview is over when Happy interrupts yelling, "Theda has escaped," effectively clearing out the studio and ending the broadcast.

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    • Pot Sniffing
      Pot Sniffing
      Episode 48
      9/7/77
      10

      Barth suffers a relapse to his whiplash injury received during an earlier express lane altercation. Local impressionist Reggie Morrison makes his TV debut in the show's Rocket to Stardom segment. The rest of the show's guests have appeared before; high school principal Marshall Petty returns to talk about the latest drug problem and health food enthusiast Susan Cloud introduces her restaurant's latest feature; meals for fasting folk.

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    • Rev. Chung Hee
      Rev. Chung Hee
      Episode 47
      9/6/77
      0.0

      Barth and Jerry discuss the preparations that are underway for the Bus Ride With Barth and then discuss the inspiration process that Happy Kyne and the Mirth Makers undergo before they perform. Back again is the unofficial ambassador-at-large Bud Prize who discusses several topics including the "that's not a cabbit, that's my cabunny" incident. The last guest, Rev. Chung Hee, has come to refute the charges about U.S. senators receiving bribes from the Korean government. He claims that these are actually religious gifts from the Church of the Grand Acceptance.

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    • Mobile Home Daredevil
      9/5/77
      0.0

      Barth talks about the iconic happy face symbol and suggests variations that can be marketed overseas. Once again, this is another Gimbleco get-rich-quick scheme created to entice investors. Returning to the show for a Vegas-like debut is Fernwood's own Debbie Dunbar who performs…sort of, along with her two backup singers. Lt. Leonard Trask talks about dying and coming back to life multiple times and mobile home daredevil Virgil Simms discusses his recent jump.

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    • Skateboard Angel
      Skateboard Angel
      Episode 45
      9/2/77
      0.0

      To gauge the audience's comedic preference, he notes how they react to two different types of jokes, an intellectual joke and a crass joke. Next, Happy introduces Tommy Marinucci doing one of his own compositions, a 50s and 70s fusion entitled Skateboard Angel. Rafael Monzano talks about his service that uses different ethnic races to lower property taxes. Last up is Larry Guy announcing the upcoming First Annual Larry Guy Tri-County Teen Fair and then fielding questions from the audience.

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    • Real Estate Tips
      Real Estate Tips
      Episode 44
      8/30/77
      0.0

      Barth begins the show by trying to drum up interest in yet another of his money making schemes. This time he's looking for investors to fund the building of a local wax museum that would showcase replicas of local inhabitants. Contributions can be sent to Wax Fund, care of Fernwood 2Night. Local Comedian Buddy Brook is the first guest who does a thankfully short set. Promoting her book about her lengthy love affair with President Jimmy Carter is Dottie Ann Lee and her book, Jimmy Carter Was Nuts About Me. Rounding up the show is Mirth Maker Eddie Thomerson. A successful real estate broker by day, Eddie shares some insight and tips about the local real estate market. The show ends with Happy and the gang performing a number from their just released album, Music in the Key of Mirth.

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    • Sex Therapy
      Sex Therapy
      Episode 43
      8/29/77
      0.0

      Happy Kyne and the Mirth Makers perform a song about dental hygiene featuring Jerry Hubbard as a dancing tooth. Vern Taylor talks about how humane the neutron bomb is and Dr. Matthew Johnston describes what goes on at his recently opened sex clinic.

    • Solving Water Shortages
      8/28/77
      0.0

      Barth kicks off the show by promoting his latest questionable scheme; Bus Ride With Barth. Next, Happy announces that he and the band have just cut their first album, Music in the Key of Mirth. Unfortunately, until they can find a way to press the records, only the empty album jackets are available. Congressman Chambers announces that he has uncovered a water conspiracy involving several foreign countries and Lucy and Ed Campbell recant their harrowing courtship and marriage that has suffered more than its share of suspicious mishaps and close calls.

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    • Tony and Chance Rolletti
      8/27/77
      0.0

      With his birthday only 11 days away, Barth gives out his measurements to help out any potential birthday gift givers. Local entertainer Tony Rolletti proudly showcases his nephew, Chance Rolletti, who sings Ain't She Sweet on tonight's Rocket To Stardom segment. Final guest is Fernwood's ambassador-at-large Bud Prize and his chin-strap. His message meanders from Dinah Shore worship to stick-figure renderings to hopeful aspirations of Fernwood being the future home for the President Gerald Ford Museum.

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    • Wrestling
      Wrestling
      Episode 40
      8/26/77
      0.0

      Jane Tiffany, the new sportscaster, joins hosts Barth and Jerry for this episode. First on the show is Mr. Wonderful, the wrestler Rock Mondo, who struts about singing badly, breaking boards and assaulting a dummy. His performance is not well received by the audience who boo him and his assistant off the stage. Following him is returning guest Sylvia Miller who shares why she thinks her late Aunt Doris should be canonized.

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    • Nudists
      Nudists
      Episode 39
      8/25/77
      0.0

      Kicking off the show is the return of Baby Irene who performs Ballin' The Jack. Promoting the nudist way of life is Linda Barry, the founder of Camp Morningside, a nudist camp in nearby Farmington. The final guest, George Ellsworth, introduces his new reality toy line. Among his toys is a mobile featuring a tarantula, a stuffed bear that makes realistic bear sounds, and a dysfunctional dollhouse complete with a pot smoking teenage doll, a two-timing mommy doll and a whiskey drinking daddy doll.

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    • Getting the Most From Your Warranty

      Jane Tiffany is invited back to help her find a more permanent residence. Virgil Simms tells how to get the most out of your new-car warranty. Basically, you make sure that it goes into the shop just before that warranty expires. The last guest is Albert Hotsun who, after 42 years as a washroom attendant, is finally retiring.

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    • Tony Rolletti's Autobiography
      8/23/77
      0.0

      George Krebbs returns to give an update about his wife in labor and in their honor, Happy and the Mirth-Makers perform a song wearing baby bonnets. Tony Rolletti performs Help Me Make It Through The Night (and loses his toupee in the process) and plugs his autobiography, Tony Rolletti – The Man and the Myth. His encore number is The Birth of the Blues. *Possible out of sequence error: episode events indicate this originally aired after Episode 31 (i.e. Episode 31, Episode 37, Episode 32).

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    • X-Rated Shopping Mall
      8/22/77
      0.0

      After talking about what an eligible bachelor he is, Barth disagrees with Jerry about whether to introduce the new Channel 6 sportscaster on the show. That is, until he sees that he is a she, and a very attractive one at that. As with every other pretty female guest on the show, the two hosts immediately fawn over Jane Tiffany and, in their attempts to impress her, try to outdo each other and end up falling all over themselves. She is followed by local entrepreneur Bud Prize and his proposed fix for Fernwood's smut parlors dilemma; an X-Rated Shopping Mall. Happy ends the show with his demonstration of South of the Border musical instruments. *Possible out of sequence error: episode events indicate this episode originally aired before Episode 26.

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    • The Barber
      The Barber
      Episode 35
      8/19/77
      0.0

      First on the stage is a small musical marching number by three members of the Fernwood Community College Marching Band: Head Majorette Janet Belcher, her brother and her boyfriend. Unfortunately, since their instruments are still en route, they're forced to whistle their parts. Hair stylist Sal Maglione talks about the changes his barbershop has undergone and discusses how the hair cutting business has evolved over the years. *Despite being listed in the show's opening credits, Mr. J. Carter does not appear in this episode.

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    • You Are You
      You Are You
      Episode 34
      8/18/77
      0.0

      Kara Bisca Nu, a practitioner of the East Pakistani Water Meditation Cult and Exercise Program, Aqua Cheng, does a balancing act with a glass of water. Vernon Taylor, now the secretary of the Joseph McCarthy Society, presents his conspiracy theory about how communists within the Food and Drug Administration are trying to weaken us through food and drug regulations. Alberta Cornwall talks about her new book, You Are You, and how different colored clothing can affect our moods.

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    • The Fitness Twins
      The Fitness Twins
      Episode 33
      8/17/77
      0.0

      Mike Timmins and Mary Lou Bridgewater, the Fitness Twins, give a preview of what their upcoming televised exercise show will be like. Fernwood's Mayor Merle Jeeter honors champion Girl Scout cookie seller Wendy Price. Garth Gimble, Sr. attempts more stupid dog tricks with Louie, his not-so-bright pooch.

    • Roger Bellman
      Roger Bellman
      Episode 32
      8/16/77
      0.0

      Fernwood's School Teacher Poet, Martin Worth, recites his piece, The Ballad of Watergate, while accompanied by Happy Kyne on the violin. Returning yet again is organic food enthusiast Susan Cloud, proprietor of the Butterfly Deli. Also visiting is former chauffeur Earl Simmons who purports that President Richard Nixon is actually a KGB operative named Roger Bellman wearing a Richard Nixon mask.

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    • Church of the Divine Lemonade
      8/15/77
      0.0

      Although classical pianist Danny Griffey opens the show with a musical number, it's his bikini-clad page turners, the Dunbar sisters, that Barth and Jerry are more interested in interviewing. The founder of the Church of the Divine Lemonade, Billy Jenkins, talks about his very lucrative lemonade stand. George and Sally Krebbs discuss the La Fromage method of childbirth in which the expected mother squats in a field while the expected father beats a sympathetic rhythm on a drum. *Possible out of sequence error: episode events indicate Episode 37 aired after this one (i.e. Episode 31, Episode 37, Episode 32).

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    • Two Ladies Against Pornography
      8/12/77
      0.0

      Barth begins the show talking about folk music and then leads the show's cast in a performance of the first song written in America, Men. Guests include Nettie Foreman and Barbie Osgood, founders of Two Ladies Against Pornography, who discuss their views about sex and the elderly on The Other Side of the News segment. Phillip Maltby, a former smuggler who used to illegally sneak Americans into Mexico, talks about smuggling, being caught and serving time. *Possible out of sequence error: episode events indicate this episode aired sometime before Episode 16.

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    • Barbershop Trio
      Barbershop Trio
      Episode 29
      8/11/77
      0.0

      Happy Kyne's Mirth Makers are on strike tonight. When the Humdingers, a barbershop quartet, learn of this, one of them refuses to sing reducing their group to a trio. Dr. Alexander Beach discusses his findings on marijuana, specifically its use as a treatment for glaucoma. Barth has the two finalists in the Dream On contest, Blanche Moody and Bryce Klemmer, read their unfulfilled dreams on the air after which an applause-meter will determine the winner. Not surprisingly, Barth manages to get the highest score on the applause-meter and is declared the winner of the $40.

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    • Ratings Week
      Ratings Week
      Episode 28
      8/10/77
      0.0

      When tonight's Only a Dream winner dies, Barth declares tomorrow's winner will get $30 and changes the name to Dream On. Lori Gallagher performs I Want To Be Happy accompanied by her mother on the drums. Previous Fernwood 2Night guests Gilbert Nelson, Sylvia Miller and Bud Prize return to the show. Gilbert is there to promote his new organization, the Kiddie Krime Korps; Sylvia is there to defend her story about a sexual encounter with an extra terrestrial and Bud is there to refute it. *Possible out of sequence error: episode events indicate Episode 50 aired next (i.e. Episode 28, Episode 50, Episode 29).

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    • Fernwood Blood Drive
      8/9/77
      2.5

      Barth attempts to announce the Still a Dream winner (now called Only a Dream) but cannot due to a missing second page, Instead, he declares that tomorrow evening's winner will now win $20. Doug and Diana Mitchell perform In The Mood which somehow launches Jerry into another one of his nonsensical ramblings which surprisingly includes a rather thought-provoking poem, Remember Me. Larry Guy returns to promote Fernwood's Blood Drive and Mrs. Betty Froelich and her daughter Sandy air their conflicting views about dating on the show's Bury the Hatchet segment.

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    • Still a Dream
      Still a Dream
      Episode 26
      8/8/77
      0.0

      For Ratings Week, Barth announces the show's Still a Dream contest in which viewers can submit their unrealized dreams and, if selected, win $10. First on the show is 10-year-old local opera singer Donna Lou Savage who does a number from the musical Porgy And Bess. Next, Dr. Hugh Slocum talks about his discovery of a new human internal organ. Located behind the heart, the slocum supposedly regulates the body whenever something cold is consumed. Lastly is Marianne Cox who describes her alcohol-charged vehicular misadventures she experienced while on her recent Hollywood vacation.

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    • Criminal Justice
      Criminal Justice
      Episode 25
      8/5/77
      0.0

      After Barth's opening tirade about smoker's rights, Happy and the band performs their own version of Boogie Fever. The show's first guest for the evening is Gilbert Ulysses Nelson, president of the Fernwood Gun Association. He talks about gun rights and believes one way to combat crime is by offering monetary awards for wounding criminals while in the act of committing a crime; the worse the wound, the greater the payout would be. Following him are the Craigs, a couple which for most of their adult lives have been plagued by constant pain throughout their bodies. Doctors have yet to find the cause or a cure for their suffering which makes even the simplest of actions (such as clapping your hands) excruciating. Of course this is when Jerry decides to lead everyone in a rousing rendition of If You're Happy and You Know it…*This is the second attempt to have the Craigs as guests. The opening credits for Episode 13 included a Mr. and Mrs. Jeremy Craig but they never appeared in that episode.

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    • Singers and Salesmen
      8/4/77
      0.0

      Barth starts the show with a rant about pesky lawyers and then Happy performs one of his own compositions, Heart of My Heart. Tony Rolletti talks about his success as a performer and his upcoming albums and sings You Are The Sunshine of My Life. The last guest is Mario Dorsett, a former member of the New York underworld and currently the owner of a chain of hardware stores wanting to expand into Fernwood.

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    • Nasally Impaired
      Nasally Impaired
      Episode 23
      8/3/77
      0.0

      Happy Kyne shares the latest gizmo developed by the Olfactory Center of Toledo; the nose aid. This device is worn on the face and helps the nasally impaired improve their sense of smell. Happy administers the 'scratch-n-sniff' test to illustrate its benefits. Next, Barth performs an original love song in a tribute to an injured friend (local sportscaster Jane Tiffany is in a coma after being hit in the face by a pitching machine). The final guest, local health food enthusiast Susan Cloud, talks about the benefits of meditation. *Possible out of sequence error: episode events indicate this episode originally aired after Episode 53 (i.e. Episode 53, Episode 23, Episode 54).

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    • Mental Illness Home Test
      8/2/77
      0.0

      Barth plays a song he wrote in which he hums out the lyrics that are inappropriate for prime time. Dr. Stanley Turnbull talks about a test he has devised that you can administer to yourself to see if you suffer from mental illness. Lastly, Happy talks briefly about how the Bun-N-Run is branching out into hem stitching.

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    • Tom Waits
      Tom Waits
      Episode 21
      8/1/77
      10

      What luck! While passing through Fernwood, Tom Waits' car happens to breaks down. Stranded and with no means of escape, the singer has no choice but to accept the invitation to appear on the show. Appearing sufficiently intoxicated (most likely to make this forced appearance as painless as possible) he ironically performs The Piano Has Been Drinking. Bud Prize discusses his plans to bring more tourism and merchants to Fernwood. Barth competes against a mannequin of President Jimmy Carter in a talent competition to see which one of them is the biggest TV star.

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    • Comedy Sales Techniques
      7/29/77
      3.1

      Insurance salesman Elliott J. Tubbs demonstrates his comedic sales techniques. Happy Kyne talks about his concern for the shut-ins in Fernwood and even performs a Bun-N-Run jingle specially tailored for them. Barth leads the show's members in a mock eulogy for entertainer and talk show host Mike Douglas.

    • Uncle Sam, Jr. II
      Uncle Sam, Jr. II
      Episode 19
      7/28/77
      0.0

      Vernon Taylor, better known as Uncle Sam, Jr. is back and as passionate as ever. This time he is all about guns and ruminates about what his gun would say if it could talk. He concludes his speech by playingSugar Blues on his horn. Candy Lee Hargrove, the president of the Fernwood Fascinating Females League, is back as well and the subject she wants to discuss is birth control. The final guest to visit is Donny Cann, former member of The Playmates. He performs the quirky novelty ditty, Beep Beep, a song he also wrote.

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    • Lou Moffett on Land Deals
      7/27/77
      7.5

      Bassist Eddie Thomerson of The Mirth Makers plays La Bamba. Sylvia Miller also appears and discusses how an alien violated her with a beam of blue light. Lou Moffett discusses real estate offers and suggests buying parcels of the Lake of the Slough Lots.

    • Miss Bun-N-Run
      Miss Bun-N-Run
      Episode 17
      7/26/77
      0.0

      Happy Kyne kicks off his new advertising campaign for the Bun-N-Run by introducing Miss Bun-N-Run, Patty Thomas. Radio personality Larry Guy plugs his Correspondence School for the Broadcasting Arts. Connie Bushman talks about the deplorable manner animals are being portrayed in the cinema today.

    • Garth Gimble Memorial Tennis Classic

      Barth starts the show off by announcing that the upcoming Barth Gimble Pro Am Golf Tournament will not take place. Instead, his late twin brother will be honored at The Garth Gimble Memorial Tennis Classic. William Prize returns to address further viewer inquiries regarding his alternative energy ideas and "chinadonture" treatment. The next guest, Phillip Maltby of Phil's Fashion Funwear and Medical Research Lab, is there to refute the claim that leisure suits cause cancer made by Dr. Van Moot (aka Dr. Osgood) on an earlier show. He states that far from causing cancer, leisure suits can actually help cure the disease. Mr. Prize is so stimulated by this revelation that he falls asleep.

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    • Animal Sexuality
      Animal Sexuality
      Episode 15
      7/22/77
      8.0

      After venting about President Carter's failure to respond to his challenge, the Fernwood Precision Swim Team performs a waterless swimming demonstration. Dr. Van Moot (formerly Dr. Richard Osgood) returns to elaborate on his No-Frills Hospital program and plug his new book, Ask Dr. Van Moot. Connie Bushman, the Director of the Fernwood Pet Control Center, discusses her newly opened Sexual Clinic for Dogs. The show ends with the assistant librarian, Janice Graham, reciting the names of famous people originally from Ohio.

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    • Breeding Athletes
      Breeding Athletes
      Episode 14
      7/21/77
      8.0

      Barth challenges President Jimmy Carter to come on the show and compete against him to prove just who is a star. Professional football consultant Dr. Emanual Kasinski discusses the benefits our sports programs would gain if instead of recruiting our athletes, we bred them. Happy introduces us to one of the Mirth Makers, Tommy Marinucci. Lou Moffett returns to hock yet another Gimbelco product, the American Guitar Studios home study course.

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    • Tony Rolletti and Susan Cloud
      7/20/77
      8.5

      Barth vents after getting a speeding ticket. Tony Rolletti performs an off-key version of I Write the Songs and Susan Cloud returns to discuss her new environmental eating project, India Relief Night. Barth also performs the song, Hors d'oeuvres.*Despite being listed in the show's opening credits, Mr. and Mrs. Jeremy Craig do not appear in the episode however, Episode 25 does feature a Mr. and Mrs. Willis Craig.

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    • Uncle Sam, Jr. I
      Uncle Sam, Jr. I
      Episode 12
      7/19/77
      0.0

      After Jerry rambles on for a while about his disturbing superstitions, Barth announces the return of Vernon "Uncle Sam, Jr." Taylor. This time, his tirade starts out talking about the Frost/Nixon interview and then veers off into a stream of strange unrelated topics before concluding his time in the spotlight with a Benny Goodman themed horn solo. Next, Dr. Arthur Shack, of the Shack Shock Center, presents his newest teaching method: electric shock aversion therapy. He demonstrates this new technique on a volunteer and winds up repeatedly shocking him when he can't name the capital of Afghanistan. Candy Lee Hargrove of Fernwood's Fascinating Females returns to complain about her gynecologist and wishes there was a female gynecologist in Fernwood. Barth, Vernon and Happy end the show performing C.C. Rider. *Possible out of sequence error: episode dialogue indicates this aired as Episode 13.

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    • Lillian Dunbar
      Lillian Dunbar
      Episode 11
      7/18/77
      9.0

      Performing the number, There's Got to be a Tuba in the Band, Grandmother Lillian Dunbar sings, dances and plays the tuba in the show's Rocket to Stardom segment. While she plays, Barth cringes. Next, Happy Kyne joins them on the couch and talks about his love for music. He also explains the cause of the band's sudden surge in gigs: "the town's other band was wiped out in a head-on collision with a bus." The next person on the show shares his name with the President of the United States. James Earl Carter informs us that there are drawbacks for having such a well-known name ("I haven't received my Book of the Month since January"). The Dunbar girls join Barth in a big production number: Abe Lincoln, We Hardly Knew Ye/Gettysburg Express. As clueless as usual, Jerry manages to hijack the show with one of his amusingly inane rambles about dead U.S. Presidents and the suspicious fact that they had all met with the Russian Premier before dying.

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    • Ethnic Myths
      Ethnic Myths
      Episode 10
      7/15/77
      8.0

      With the Mirth Makers off playing a wedding in Akron, Happy renders the theme on solo clarinet. Barth (on acoustic guitar) and Happy (on piano) perform a musical ode to Fernwood. Virgil Simms, auto mechanic and local daredevil, promotes a forthcoming stunt: jumping over bikes in a fully equipped Winnebago. Anthropologist Dr. Emanuel Kazinski presents his latest findings on racial prejudice; a behavior he is obviously not immune from. *Despite being listed in the show's opening credits, Harold Clemens does not appear in the episode. He does appear in Episode 58.

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    • No-Frills Hospitals
      7/14/77
      0.0

      In Rocket to Stardom,15-year-old gymnast, and youngest of the Dunbar girls, Penny Dunbar, trampolines herself into the rafters. The show's new Security Guard, Garth Gimble, Sr. and his stupid dog, Louie, fail to get her down and she is forced to remain there until help arrives. Dr. Richard Osgood returns to tout his latest solution to high-priced medical care; the No-Frills Hospital, whose motto is "Let Them Do It Themselves." Lastly, from the mayor's Committee on the Conservation of Energy, Bud Prize offers dubious conservation tips such as take a shower with your dirty dishes or bathe while wearing several layers of clothing. Prize then rails on Dr. Osgood for his past diagnoses of "terminal underbite" and then sings praises for the "chinodontist" he found who was able to provide him with a corrective chin cup that he's been wearing for the past three years. The fire department finally arrives to rescue Penny.

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    • Congressman Chambers
      7/13/77
      0.0

      Barth continues his feud with the Fernwood Courier before allowing promoter Charlie Haggers debut his latest discovery, The Barlow Brothers; a harmonica playing song and dance duo wedged into a single pair of pants and shirt. Next, Lou Moffett hocks the latest Gimbelco product, Latin Goldies, followed by Happy and the band performing Disco Duck. Barth gives Jerry a chance to shine but his dim-witted co-host manages to sabotage the interview of Congressman William Chambers. His constant interrupting with trivial and inane questions causes them to run out of time and prevents the congressman from revealing the truth about government-sponsored assassinations.

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    • Hearing Ear Dogs for the Deaf
      7/12/77
      7.0

      Barth rags on the Fernwood Courier for insinuating that he was driven out of Miami for accepting payola and then proceeds to plug local "friends" who have given him "gifts." In the Rocket to Stardom segment, child performer Lisa Martin sings and tap dances to Let Me Entertain You followed by Happy Kyne and then Eulahlia Purdle who declares God has told her to call everyone to repentance. Connie Bushman, director of the Fernwood Pet Control Center, talks about their latest service; providing hearing ear dogs for the deaf. Garth Gimble, Sr. and his dog Louie make an appearance.

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    • Fernwood Fascinating Females
      7/11/77
      0.0

      Vernon Taylor, as his patriotic alter ego, Uncle Sam Jr, recites one of his rambling, rant-filled compositions. He immediately follows this by whipping out his trumpet and playing a lively rendition of Glenn Miller's In The Mood. Next up is Sylvia Miller, a woman who claims she now has to share her body with another ever since the spirit of Marilyn Monroe set up house inside her corporeal vessel. Candy Lee Hargrove talks about the Fernwood Fascinating Females League. *Despite being listed in the show's opening credits, the Bender family does not make an appearance on this episode.

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    • Corporal Punishment II
      7/8/77
      0.0

      Barth meets with both the spanking demonstration volunteer, Debbie Dunbar, and her irate mother. Ironically, since the on-air spanking, or rather as a result of it, Debbie has been offered several lucrative modeling jobs causing Mrs. Dunbar to re-assess her views about corporal punishment and apologize to Barth for her prior behavior. Russ Tuttle, the county coroner, talks about some cut-rate funeral alternatives including home burial. After Stacy, Debbie's sister, joins them onstage, Barth and Jerry ramble on about families until it is time for their special surprise musical number: Debbie doing cheerleading routines while Barth sings Feelings. So inspired by the number, Garth Gimble, Sr. and Louie suddenly show up and break out in their own rendition of the song which eventually devolves into a tone-deaf, off-key Feelings sing-along by the entire cast. *Despite being listed in the show's opening credits, Andre Fernandell does not appear in the episode.

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    • Corporal Punishment I
      7/7/77
      10

      Young hula hoopist Darryl Washington performs first. Then Mian Co Tiam, the former Minister of Parks and Playgrounds for South Vietnam, visits to plug his new book, Yankee Doodle Gook. Next they chat up Happy who reveals he was born with only one nostril. The show's newest segment, The Other Side of the News, features Marshall O. Petty, the local High School Principal and supporter of corporal punishment. After explaining his stance on the subject, Petty demonstrates how he would administer punishment on a volunteer high school student, Debbie Dunbar. During the subsequent Q&A session, a very upset Mrs. Dunbar, Debbie's mother, calls in to complain about the televised spanking and threatens all manner of ill will on Barth.

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    • The Wonderblender
      7/6/77
      10

      After introducing his father, Garth Gimble, Sr., Barth invites a contortionist to show us how one can communicate without words, calling it the body language of April McTear. Next, Lou Moffett plugs his Blendermatic, the Wonderblender followed by Susan Cloud, owner of the Butterfly Deli, who discusses her organic-centered restaurant as well as explains why she's a vegetarian that eats burgers. After numerous requests, Barth finally gives in and allows (and then quickly regrets) his father to perform some dog tricks with his dog Louie. It's hard to tell which one is more inept; the father or the dog.

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    • Leisure Suits Cause Cancer
      7/5/77
      0.0

      Barth thanks the viewers for their support that got him renewed for another episode. In Rocket to Stardom, Baby Irene sings I Didn't Know the Gun Was Loaded afterwards Barth talks to her about gun control. From Fernwood Community College, Dr. Richard Osgood returns and claims he has proof that leisure suits cause cancer. In Bury the Hatchet, Iris and Tom Case ask their son, Joseph, a Catholic priest, to leave the ministry and come back to them. The show ends with Baby Irene dancing accompanied by Howard Palmer on the piano.

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    • Talk to a Jew
      Talk to a Jew
      Episode 1
      7/4/77
      0.0

      Newly hired Barth Gimble starts the show off by talking about his unusual day-to-day contract as host. After some banter with the show's announcer, Jerry Hubbard, Barth introduces his first guest, Howard Palmer, a pianist with an iron lung. Mayor Merle Jeeter stops by to welcome Barth and then Happy and the band perform their version of Shake Your Booty. In Talk to a Jew, Morton Rose, a Jew, answers caller's questions such as, "When is Barbra Streisand's next movie coming out?" Dr. Osgood ends the show with his findings about carcinogenic synthetic fibers.

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