Firefly

Inara: Every well-bred petty crook knows the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.

Inara: Nandi, this is Malcolm Reynolds.
Nandi: I appreciate your coming.
Mal: Well, any friend of Inara's is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine.

Nandi: So my child, how long has it been since your last confession? Mal: Longer than I'd care to say. Nandi: You gonna remember where everything goes? Mal: Now let's just say I plan to take it real slow.

Nandi: You aren't sly are you? Cause I got my boys. Mal: Sly? No. I lean towards women-folk, just one thing at a time. Never liked complications.

(River watches Petaline in labor) River: Who do you think is in there?

Wash: Well, I'm not sure that now is the best time to bring a tiny little helpless person into our lives. Zoe: That excuse is getting a little worn, honey. Wash: It's not an excuse, dear, it's objective assessment. I can't help that it stays relevant. Zoe: I don't give a good gorram about relevant, Wash, or objective. And I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it. You and I would make one beautiful baby. And I wanna meet that child one day. Period.

(receiving a distress signal from a brothel) Mal:This distress wouldn't happen to be...taking place in someone's pants, would it?

Mal: Well, I just...didn't want you to think I was taking advantage of your friend. Inara: She's well worth taking advantage of - I sincerely hope you did. Mal: So you're okay. Well, yeah. Why wouldn't you be? Inara: I wouldn't say I'm entirely okay. I'm a little appalled at her taste.

Kaylee: They got boy whores. Isn't that thoughtful?

Jayne: Whoa now, girl, that's just plain dirty... Mal: Jayne...you aware your radio's transmittin'? Cause I ain't feelin' particular girlish or dirty at the moment.

(Mal and Nandi kiss) Nandi: You okay with this? Mal: I'm just waiting to see if I pass out...Long story.

Inara: How many babies have you actually delivered? Simon: As the primary? This would be the first. You? Inara: My first too. River: Mine too.

Mal: This is my first mate, Zoe. I'll introduce you to the rest in a bit. They're good folk. Jayne: Can I start getting sexed already? Mal: Well, that one's kind of horrific

Inara: I suppose you heard most of that? Mal: Only 'cause I was eavesdropping.

Kaylee: Didn't (Mal) seem a little funny to you at breakfast this morning? Wash: Kaylee! We all know I'm the funny one!

Mal: Jayne, I do believe (the machinegunner)'s our first target. Think you might... Jayne: (kills the machinegunner) Think I might, Captain.

Jayne: My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly about the room, there's so much tasty in here. Wash: Would be you'd get your most poetical about your pecker.

Mal: Inara, think you can stoop to being on my arm? Inara: Will you wash it first?

Mal: Well, lady, I must say: You're my kind of stupid.

Book: I'm fair handy with a hammer, Captain. Mal: That so, Shepherd? Book: I've been following in the footsteps of a Carpenter for a some time now.

Mal: (hitting on Nandi) Miss Nandi, I have a confession to make. Nandi: Maybe I should get the Shepherd? Mal: Well, I ain't sinned yet, and I'd feel a little more than awkward if he were here when I did.

Inara: It sounds like something this crew can handle. I can't guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but... Nandi: If they've got guns and brains at all... Inara: They've got guns...

Mal: You know, not altogether...wise to sneak up on a fella when he's handling his weapon. Inara: Sure I've heard that said, but perhaps the dining area isn't the place for this sort of thing.

Book: These people need assistance. The benefit wouldn't necessarily be for you. Jayne: That's what I'm sayin'. Zoe: No-one's gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated, this job is strictly speculative. Jayne: Don't know these folks. Don't much care to. Mal: They're whores. Jayne: I'm in.