The aliens pursue Eddie at his high-school reunion. - - - I ain't Foster. But you probably know that right off the bat. That's right, Crazy Eddie here. I talked to Cade about taking over the journal this week seeing as I was the alien target du jour. You heard it here first – the Gua were gunning for the Nambu-lator. And it all started with a reunion. They say that high school is the practice run for the marathon of life, if that's the case, then what started out with a blazing burst of speed ended in the limpid lameness of loserdom. The terrible event that closed out my school years has haunted me to this day, a failure so profound I cast off my closest friends like obsolete software and never looked back. So I had some issues associated with my teen years. That's why I left the warm security of my trailer for the cold harsh reality of Heisenberg High. To reconnect with the people who were once my friends … and seek answers to the enigma that is my life. Just when I was about to lose my cool (and beat a hot retreat to that same-safe-softness of the Airstream) I was almost run down by Herman Garrett – my high school arch rival. Herman was living high on the hog as the owner of a computer securities company. A former hacker, Herman had sold out – now he was into protecting financial transactions on the Internet – guess every geek has their price. Oh yeah, Herman called me Larry, cause that's my real name – Larry Pisinski – had to drop it when I went on the run. Didn't bother me much, Eddie Nambulous is way cooler. Moving through the gymnasium, passing through crepe paper streamers, I was starting to think I'd never find a friendly face – then I ran into Stanley Spencer. We immediately did the handshake of our super-cool, hacking club (the Binary Bandits) and I knew it would be just like old times with Stan. I explained to him how I pulled the ripcord after what went down at HHS and erased all traces of Larry. Conditions of my probation said I couldn't touch a computer for the rest of my life – couldn't have that, so Larry had to disappear. Stanley said he had something to tell me about that fateful night, but before he could explain he got dragged off by a buxom blonde named Mimi. Heisenberg didn't have a football team so this babe went for guys with high I.Q. I know, I know, a nerd's dream – and Mimi still caused heads to turn. But never mine, I only had eyes for one girl. And when I finally did turn my head, there she was – Marianne – a vision in low cut evening wear. I grabbed a mug of punch and headed straight for my dream only to find her toasting the plastic cups with Herman. Made me wonder why we go back to these things? Herman was pissing me off – for some reason I really clammed up around him. I had to get him away from Marianne but I didn't know how. That's when I got an idea. I called Foster, who was hanging in the Airstream, and told him to boot up my computer. And then I hung up on him – you have no idea how long I'd been waiting to do that! Nice! Hacked into Herman's company's computer and caused a little stir. Herman dumped Marianne like a cold potato. It was time to make my move. Marianne didn't look thrilled to see me, she said I had a lotta explaining to do. She was right. I detailed that fateful day at Heisenberg, how I was hacking into a highly classified government file when suddenly a stack of Feds burst through the door and took me into custody. Marianne wasn't interested in my arrest, she just wanted to know why I never called her. She told me the only reason she came to the reunion was to see me. She said we'd been in love. I knew it was true. But getting caught by the feds changed me – it made me who I am today, a paranoid recluse. But losing touch with Marianne was the greatest regret of my life and I wanted her to know it. Marianne was still single, and ran a computer literacy program for inner city kids in Baltimore. I knew Marianne would never need anyone, she was too cool for that. But I kinda wish she had a nice guy to keep her company. Mary and I took a stroll to the old computer lab where it all went down. I thought I'd impress her by picking the lock – a little trick Foster had taught me in our time on the road. No such luck, I flopped – but Marianne got us in – guess the kinda kids she taught were more like Cade than me. We reminisced about all our old high-jinks with the Binary Bandits, we laughed – it felt good. And then we hugged – that felt really good. Until I saw an alien. I sent Marianne back to the gym and told her there was something I had to do. Mary was confused, guess I was kinda cold but I had business to take care of. Jerry-rigged a listening device and eavesdropped on a convo happening in the catering truck. I thought I'd just seen a Gua-strong arm drag a schoolmate into the back. Through the head phones I heard a voice say they were looking for me. The Gua were at my high school – messing with my life like they had with Foster's – it made me scared, and mad. Foster was worried when I left for the reunion, didn't think I should be goin' this alone. I'd told Cade before I left that it ain't about me. This time I was wrong. For the first time in a long time, it was all about Eddie. And these Gua were goin' to detention.moreless
Cade: Get the hell out of there, Eddie, now. Eddie: No, I've got some time. The Gua are going to have a hell of a time finding ol' Larry Pisinski. Cade: Who's Larry Pisinski? Eddie: I am. Cade: What are you talking about? Eddie: I changed my name, Foster, after what happened in high school. Cade: Eddie's not your real name? Eddie: It's Larry Pisinski. Cade: You never told me that. Eddie: I don't tell anybody. Cade: All right. Eddie: It's for your own protection. Cade: So what do I call you? Eddie or Larry? Eddie: I prefer Eddie. Cade: Okay Eddie, get your a** in a taxi cab and get out of there now.
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