FM (UK) Season 1 Episode 1

Lindsay: Hey, there you are. Did you get the stuff?
Neil: Of course. Records are inside.
Lindsay: What the ...? Five Star, Mister Mister, Sinitta? Where'd you go shopping, Neil? 1986?
Neil: What, I got them from a charity shop. Five quid for the lot. You said you weren't going to play them.
Lindsay: Well what if someone looks in my bag? They're going to think I robbed Pete Waterman's house.

Jane: (reading the card attached to a bouquet of flowers) Hey Babe, great seeing you last night. Hope you're free after the show, I'll come by and pick you up.
Daisy: Oh, he's picking you up. Maybe he's going to whisk you away to Paris and take you to the Moulin Rouge or maybe to some Scottish castle or maybe to some posh hotel so you can fuck and steal the bubble bath.

Dom: So how's Mrs. Spalding Senior?
Hannah: Oh, good. She wanted to come down but then we thought you might fuck her. So we decided against it.
Dom: Probably for the best.

Hannah: I'm a fan of your show.
Dom: Oh, great, well it's nice to meet pretty fans. Most of our fans look like they were kicked out of the ugly school for being too ugly.

Tim: We shouldn't have called it "Spread Your Love", we should have called it "Watch Your Back Or Dom Cox Will Fuck Your Mother While You're Doing Your Duke of Edinburgh".

Jane: I talked to Joe and turns out he wasn't that keen.
Lindsay: Oh, I see, Did Joey-woey not want Janey-waney to tarnish her pretty little botty-wotty?

Daisy: You mix as well?
Lindsay: Yeah. Yeah, I do all that. Mixing, scratching, beat box. I'm the Right Honourable Lord Mix a lot. It's like a disease. I got mix-amatosis.

Jane: You shagged his mum?
Dom: She sort of shagged me too.
Lindsay: You're an actual motherfucker.

Lindsay: Listeners, this is to vote in our online poll, which today is, should our producer, Jane, get a tattoo?
Dom: Yeah, Jane's been toying with the idea and we thought what better way to make such a momentous decision than to ask a bunch of strangers?