Frasier wonders if Niles is right when Niles accuses him of sabotaging his own relationships when they grow serious.
Dr. Frasier Crane
Daphne Moon Crane
Dr. Niles Crane
The first line in this episode is Daphne saying, "It's official. Doctor Lee says we're pregnant". It's amusing to hear that there was some doubt about it with Jane Leeves' abdomen sticking out as it is. She was clearly pregnant herself at the time with her son, Finn William Leeves Coben, who was born December 19th, 2003, less than three months after this episode aired.
In this episode, Frasier tells Julia that Florence, Italy is his favorite city. But in "It's Hard to Say Goodbye If You Won't Leave", he tells Kate Costas that Paris, France is his favorite city.
Julia: Nice towels, Frasier, you'd think a couple of old ladies lived here.
Frasier: Get out.
Julia: Excuse me?
Frasier: I said get out!
Julia: I'm sorry, have you just lost your mind?
Frasier: No, that happened earlier when we slept together!
Julia: Are you breaking up with me?
Frasier: You're damn right I am!
Julia: I want my purse!
Frasier: And I, my hand towel!!
(They exchange. Julia begins to exit)
Julia: I can't believe this. You're actually kicking me out?
Frasier: Do you want me to draw you a picture?!
Julia: We'd be here all night!
Frasier: Get out!
Julia: Oh, my God, that is the worst drawing I've ever seen. I mean, even these cheaters (indicating Niles and Daphne) wouldn't have gotten that one.
Julia: I saw you guys mouthing at each other. And I think Father Time here cut us off a little early, too. Here, give me that pen, I'll show you how it's done. Sit down. Oh, my God, I mean, this painting is just...
Frasier: You should hear what she says about my show.
Julia: I just have to remind Mr. Pompous here that what we do on the radio is entertainment.
Niles: Yes, Frasier and I have had many a chat about the difference between what he does and genuine psychiatry.
Julia: Yeah, big difference. I mean, at least his advice is free, not like those quacks who charge 200 bucks an hour to whine about their childhoods. I mean, what a racket that is!
Julia: Well, I'm not sure I'd call that festive.
Frasier: Well, then you'd be wrong, as it is from the Salzburg Music Festival.
Julia: How about something a little more contemporary.
Frasier: Oh, all right. I believe I have Michael Nyman's The Contemporary Trumpet.
Julia: What are you, a hundred? (Throughout the scene, she continues to smile and laugh through her insensitive comments and barbs)
Frasier: All right, nothing then, my little wasp. (He chuckles, still in a good mood. Niles enters with drinks) Oh, thank you, Niles. Thank you very much.
Julia: Ten years! I-if I still needed a cane after that long, I'd dump my physical therapist and find one who knows what they're doing.
Daphne: (entering from the kitchen, setting the table. Coldly) Hello.
Martin: Well, actually, this is her. She's also my daughter-in-law. Daphne, this is Julia.
Julia: Sorry about that. (laughs)
Daphne: That's all right. And just so you know, he wouldn't need the cane so much if he'd stretch more.
Julia: I'd have thought that part of your job was making sure he stretched.
Daphne: Yes, but, I can't be here day and night.
Julia: I'm sorry, for some reason I thought you lived here.
Daphne: (forcing a smile) Well, I don't.
Daphne: Let's hope Frasier's oven is more reliable than ours. (he heads for the kitchen)
Martin: Well, it serves you right for getting such a fancy one.
Niles: Oh, it's just temperamental. My Gaggenau is German-engineered. It probably needs more power than my building's old wiring can give it.
Martin: Leave it to the Germans. Even their appliances crave power.
Julia: So, uh, what was this message?
Frasier: (searching on his knees near Martin's chair) Um, oh, I just said that I found you bright, and uh, beautiful and engaging, and then... there was a sonnet: "Fair love's ship ne'er sailed o'er unstorm'd seas. The fickle stars, her compass, bright and cruel..." (pausing) It's pretty sappy stuff, huh?
Julia: No, it's sweet. Especially the end.
Frasier: So you did hear it?
(They rise and approach each other)
Julia: Yes, but Frasier, I'm not looking for just some office romance. I don't see the point in getting involved unless it's heading somewhere.
Frasier: That's exactly where I am in my life too. After you walked out last night, I realized how badly I want to be in a real relationship, how ready I am to...well, for want of a better phrase, uh, to commit to commitment.
Julia: You're not just saying this to get in my pants, are you?
Frasier: No. And if I did...get in your pants, well...I'd want to stay there forever. I-I said that much more elegantly in the sonnet.
Julia: You know, I just remembered where I may have lost my earring.
Frasier: Really, where?
Julia: In your bedroom. Do you care to help me look?
Frasier: In my bed...well, we were never in my bedroom, I don't...
(Julia gives him a strongly hinting glance and smile)
Frasier: Oh. I see.
(They hold hands and walk back)
Martin: You know, if you're really down about this Julia thing, you can come with me and Eddie to the circus. We're really going to the V-E-T, but if I say that, he won't get in the car.
Frasier: Thanks anyway, Dad. I'll just see you at Niles and Daphne's for dinner, all right. Maybe I'll take in a movie.
Martin: Oh, what are you going to go see?
Frasier: Well, there's this new Russian film in town about a Crimean War vet.
(At this, Eddie runs out the door and down the hall)
Martin: No, Eddie! Would it have killed you to say Crimean War circus?
Frasier: Oh, hi Dad.
Martin: Before you say anything, if you know the score to the Mariners game, don't tell me, I'm taping it to watch later.
Frasier: Dad, the odds of my knowing the score to the Mariners game are about the same as you knowing the score to Pacific Overtures. Did, uh, Julia call?
Martin: No, sorry.
Frasier: Oh, damn. Well, at least this little delivery will cheer me up. My new Frette hand towels have arrived. Ha, ha! (opening the package and examining the towels) Direct from Italy, I give you the spugna con frangia, with the tulle lace insert, huh?
Martin: Sounds fancy, am I allowed to dry my hands on them?
Frasier: Well, you may miss the luxurious feel of your trouser fronts, but yes.
Niles: All right, all right. The next time you find yourself doing it again, fixating, say on some tiny fault in the woman, recognize what that is: you're feeling vulnerable. But don't give in to the fear. Commit to commitment.
Frasier: (a bit annoyed) Commit to commitment. It's a bit glib, but nonetheless inspiring. Thank you, Niles. I'm going to call Julia, and I will not take "no" for an answer. I may have walked in here the old fault-finding, flaw-fleeing Flasier, but I leave a man committed to commitment.
Niles: (smiling) You said "Flasier."
Frasier: I did not.
Niles: Yes, you did.
Frasier: I most certainly did not.
Niles: I heard you say "Flasier."
Frasier: Hi, Daph, good to see you. (Daphne exits) Hello, Niles. Uh, my usual, please. Well, I've ruined another relationship. I suppose you'll want to hear the whole sorry tale. (They sit)
Niles: Uh, no thank you.
Frasier: Last night, Julia came over and, as usual, I made a mess of things... Did you say no?
Niles: I said, "No, thank you."
Frasier: But I wish to unburden myself.
Niles: And I wish to remain in my good mood. Therefore, I demur.
Frasier: You demur?
Niles: I demur. Besides, I'm sure I've heard it all before.
Frasier: But this time was different...
Both: I really thought she could have been the one!
Daphne: It's official. Dr. Lee says we're pregnant.
Niles: I'm so excited!
Niles: Hello in there! It's your pater.
Daphne: Oh, stop it. (She sits) So, how do you want to make the announcement?
Niles: Uh, well, Frasier's on his way over. We could...
Daphne: (interrupting) No! He's a blabbermouth. Let's have him and your dad over for dinner tonight, and we can tell them at the same time.
Niles: If you already had a plan, why did you ask me how I wanted to do it?
Daphne: Well, because if you'd have had the same idea, then I could have agreed with it, which would have given you the illusion of control. (After a beat) The waiting room had "Cosmo."
Niles: Frasier! What are you doing in the kitchen?
Frasier: You just asked to see me.
Niles: Ah! So you haven't gone deaf.
Frasier: Why would I have gone deaf?
Niles: Because that's the only good reason you sat there silently while our profession was assaulted like a drag queen at a tractor pull!
Peri Gilpin does not appear in this episode.
Title: A Man, a Plan, and a Gal: Julia
The episode title was suggested by the palindrome "A man, a plan, a canal: Panama!" This palindrome (a word or phrase that is spelled the same forward or backward) dates from the early 20th century when the Panama Canal was being built.
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