Frasier

Frasier: Frederick, we're gonna be leaving in the morning. Freddie: But I don't want to go. Frasier: No? I thought you'd be dying to get back to your Game Boy. Freddie: Well, yeah. But I kind of made plans. Frasier: Oh, really? With who? Freddie: Nobody. Frasier: Oh, then you don't have plans. We leave at...nine-ish. Freddie: OK, fine. I have plans with Melody. Frasier: The s'mores girl? Freddie: Yeah. Frasier: She's cute. Freddie: She's a cheerleader. Frasier: Ho-ho! I remember a particular cheerleader from my youth: Lorna. She was a beautiful girl. In fact, I was so intimidated by her I-I could never even work up the courage to approach her... Freddie: Dad, I kissed her. Frasier: Oh... Freddie: I know. It was her first time. It was my first time too. Frasier: I see. Freddie: Don't tell Mom about this, OK? She'd ask all kinds of stupid questions. Frasier: Don't worry, son. It's just between you and me.

Martin: When you hear that scratching at your window late at night, remember that young couple... (thrusts out his hand, with a fork sticking out of the sleeve) and Fork Hand! (Frasier gives him a look) Martin: Oh, come on! That's scary stuff. I told that to Duke last summer, and he wet his sleeping bag. Frasier: Wait a minute. Isn't this Duke's sleeping bag?! Martin: Now you're scared!

Daphne: We need a man's opinion: the velvet trim or the multi-colored? (sees) Where's Jack? Niles: He left. Roz: He left?! Niles: It was an emergency. Roz: What kind of an emergency? Like he-saw-me-and-he-thought-I-was-a-dog emergency?! Niles: No, no, no, he said you were pretty.

Freddie: I have to go to the bathroom. Frasier: Freddie, I...I don't see a bathroom. Martin: You're surrounded by fifty thousand acres of it. Frasier: Ah. Oh, how quaintly rustic! Yes, Frederick, just pick a tree and make it your own!

Niles: Freddie, about what you just saw - I know you've always had special feelings for Daphne, and there's something I need to tell you. Freddie: I already know about you guys. Niles: Oh. Uh, and you're OK with that? Freddie: I liked her when I was a little kid. I'm over it now. I mean, she's like a hundred. Niles: She most certainly is not. (Nyah Nyah!) It just burns you up that I got her...

Daphne: I mean, what could be sadder than growing old alone? (realizes) I wasn't talking about you, Dr. Crane. You've got your father to grow old with. Frasier: Ah, yes.

Frasier: No, no, Roz, it is, actually. You see, every year we pick a book to read and discuss. It's been sort of a bonding thing between us. Gosh, you know, I hate to brag, but Freddie really is a very articulate young man. He's very imaginative, and not to mention what a great sense of humor he has. Roz: Oh, that reminds me, Frasier! Alice said the cutest thing this morning... Frasier: Now careful, Roz, you don't want to turn into one of those mothers who bores everybody talking about her child.