Daphne returns with a surprising explanation for her recent weight gain. Meanwhile, Roz writes a children's book based on a story her mother used to tell her.
Dr. Frasier Crane
Daphne Moon Crane
Dr. Niles Crane
The vegetable chopping was either refilmed at a better angle to insert season 8 Frasier and Niles or it was a different take from the one aired in "First Date". The most obvious difference is that Niles' voice overwhelms Daphne's when they sing together, whereas Daphne's is dominant in "First Date". Also, Daphne stops chopping too early on.
Frasier: (incredulous, to Niles about Daphne) Nobody's going to believe you two haven't slept together.
Niles: (affronted) Who's nobody?
Frasier: (retreating) Nobody.
Daphne: You don't think I'm psychic?!
Niles: Well no, not if you didn't know how I felt about your cooking!
Niles: You think I'm pretentious?
Daphne: Huh! You'd eat a worm if I gave it a French name!
Niles: Oh, I know that, it's just that...I don't really care for your cooking.
Niles: Well, you're not the best cook in the world. In fact, you're not very good at cooking. At all. Bad, BAD cook!
Frasier: Dad, what do you say we head out for dinner at the steakhouse?
Martin: The steakhouse? Really?
Frasier: What the hell. The blood's been flyin' through my arteries lately.
Frasier: Niles, what the hell is wrong with you?
Niles: Oh, Frasier, you would not believe the hack psychobabble this woman has filled Daphne's head with.
Martin: Well still, that's no reason to be acting like an ass. So you just shape up and treat Daphne with respect!
(There is the sound of the Refrigerator Pig from the kitchen. Then
there are crunching noises and Daphne can be seen jumping up and down.
She comes back in)
Daphne: Apparently that pig of yours can dish it out but he can't take it. So, how 'bout that toast?
Roz: Oh, good idea.
Frasier: Right. To Daphne, your warmth and spirit have helped make this place a home. Your influence can be seen in a thousand different ways.
Niles: Unless, of course, one's wearing his love goggles.
Daphne: That's it. Niles, I think you should go.
Daphne: I want you to leave. Right now.
Daphne: Yes. Gloria's very empathetic, because she had a similar weight problem. Only she didn't have anyone to help her deal with it. She had to battle it herself for years.
Niles: She didn't have a boyfriend she could blame?
Daphne: Is there something you want to say to me?
Frasier: Well I've got something to say. I would like to propose a toast.
Daphne: I was very lucky to have someone like Gloria at the spa.
(Niles passes out the champagne)
Niles: Yes, usually you have to go all the way to a hair salon for that kind of insight.
Martin: Great? You look fantastic. I don't know what they did to you there, but what a difference!
Daphne: Yes. I was getting pretty big, wasn't I?
Martin: Big? You were gi-normous.
Martin: I was just tellin' her how big she was.
Daphne: Oh, come here old man.
(She hugs him)
Martin: Well, you wanna make your dog happy, or do you wanna sell books? Now I was thinkin': Eddie joins the circus and he has all this clown makeup on and everything and juggles and stuff. And then you could do one where he invents this flying machine and has all these wacky adventures.
Roz: That's kinda cute. He could join a flock of geese or he could become the world's first dog traffic reporter.
(Martin gives her a "What?" look)
Martin: Eddie would never do that. You really don't get Eddie, do you?
Daphne: Actually, I'm proud of myself. The staff therapist even complimented me on me willpower.
Niles: Oh, so you did see a therapist?
Daphne: It's all part of the program, to help you find the cause of your overeating.
Niles: Uh-hmm. Well, if you ask me, it's a classic case of sublimation, using substituting food for sex. I recommend you see a certain doctor, I know very well. He can help you.
Daphne: That's not what Gloria thinks.
Daphne: The therapist.
Niles: Oh. My patients call me "Dr. Crane", but whatever... So, what does Gloria think?
Daphne: She thinks I may have gained the weight as a way to create distance between us.
Niles: Oh, and why would you want to do that?
Daphne: Well, when you and I first came together, we agreed to wait a while before bringing the relationship into the bedroom. Then as time went on, you told me all these stories of how you pined for me for seven years. How I'd been your unattainable dream. How could anyone live up to that? Gloria thinks I was terrified of letting you down, of not being perfect, so I ate. And ate. And, apparently, ate.
Niles: Daphne, you couldn't possibly let me down. And as for the weight, that didn't matter. I never noticed.
Daphne: That's another thing, I gained sixty pounds. Don't you think it's strange you couldn't see it?
Niles: No, it's not strange! I love you.
Daphne: I love you too. You know what Gloria says?
Niles: (tense) No.
Daphne: She says you couldn't see the extra weight because you were seeing the perfect me you've carried in your head for seven years. She calls it "looking through love goggles".
Niles: Oh, nonsense. You're as svelte as you ever were.
Daphne: You're sweet. And it was cute when I came out of the spa and you pretended you couldn't see me.
Niles: Who said that? Who's in my car?
Frasier: Oh, I'm so happy for you, Niles.
Niles: Thank you.
Frasier: Gosh, nobody's gonna believe you two haven't slept together.
Niles: Who's nobody?
Niles: Speaking of Daphne, I was hoping you could spare her this Friday. I'm planning on taking her for a weekend getaway, where I think we may be taking our relationship to the next level.
Frasier: Oh, my God, Niles! You're going to propose?
Niles: No, not that level, the level before that.
Frasier: You're going to ask her to move in with you?
Niles: One more level before that.
Frasier: Well, you're already dating...
Niles: No, that's two levels.
(Niles makes vague motions to indicate moving on)
Frasier: Oh, for heaven's sake, just tell me!
Niles: Well, you know. We're going to... consummate our relationship.
Frasier: What? Well, uh... Gosh, it's none of my business, I just thought you'd already reached that level.
Frasier: No. It was called "The Crane Boys Mysteries." We were two plucky lads who used their keen psychological insights to solve crimes brought home by their detective father.
Roz: How many of these did you write?
Frasier: Thirty-four. Let's see, there was "The Mystery of the One-Eared Monkey", "On Your Mark, Get Set, Die!"...
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