Martin: Niles, are you there?
Niles: (into intercom) Yes, Dad. (to Frasier) You can't blame me for the housing market - this is a simple apartment!
Martin: I'm in some room with a lot of books but it doesn't have a bathroom!
Niles: Oh, that's the library, not the study - go down the hall, make a left.
Frasier: Well, this simple apartment of yours is going to bankrupt you! You must admit it's a bit large for one person.
Niles: Oh, don't forget I have a pet.
Frasier: Are you saying that your BIRD requires both a study and a library?
Niles: All right, I will return the Noel Coward pen, but this is my home. This is a basic necessity.
Martin: (on intercom) OK, I've found the aspirin but I'm lost again. I'm in a blue room with big rolls of paper.
Niles: That's the gift wrapping room. Look for the stairs.
Martin: The only stairs I can find go up!
Frasier: You have a THIRD floor?
Niles: It's practically a crawl space. (into intercom) Go out the door to the left.
(Niles and Frasier stand in silence, pensive)
Niles: Don't look at me like that! I have to have a roof over my head!
Frasier: Niles, you have three roofs over your head! For God's sake, you have to come to your senses. Look at the numbers, they don't lie! I'm afraid you don't have any choice.
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