Frasier's eavesdropping leads to misunderstandings between Ronee and Martin.
Dr. Frasier Crane
Daphne Moon Crane
Dr. Niles Crane
In the opening scene of this episode, the piano is just above the living room area instead of just above the dining room area where it has been since the show premiered. While the piano is clearly on wheels, it seems unlikely that they'd move it out to play.
Martin should know that Roz is Frasier's producer, not his "secretary."
(Niles and Daphne attend a concert to get on the good side of a nursery painter)
Frasier: (talking on his cell phone) Oh good, Niles, you're back. How was the concert? Well, you're the one who wanted that cloud mural. I'm sure Pope Julius had to jump through similar hoops to get Michelangelo to paint his ceiling.
Martin: Hey Roz, what are you doing here?
Roz: I found Frasier's money clip. (holds it up) Is he home?
Martin: No, uh-huh. (looks around) Where's Ronee?
Roz: Oh, don't worry. ("points" to the door) "Sheila" showed Ronee the door.
Martin: What?! (rushes to the door) What the hell did you do that for?!
Roz: (after him) Hey, I have no control over what Sheila does.
Frasier: Dad... just give her a call and tell her you want to talk to her.
(Martin is silent... then lets out a quiet grunt)
Frasier: Was that a "leave me alone" grunt, or a "you've bested me again, son, with your unassailable logic" grunt?
(Again, Martin is silent, and again lets out a little grunt)
Frasier: I thought so.
Martin: Sheila! Where have you been?
(He embraces her, as she looks bewildered)
Martin: This is my date, Sheila. (to Roz) Got stuck at work, huh? (he says gently nodding his head)
Roz: Uh, yeah?
Martin: Sheila's a model. She does all those big auto and RV shows. (to Roz) Point to something. (Roz opens her hand and motions outward)
Martin: Hey, Niles. Ready to bob-bob-she-bob?
Niles: (rises in horror) Oh, dear God. Is it a dance? Am I going to have to move about?
Martin: No, you don't have to, but you're going to want to.
Niles: (one last try) Daphne?
Daphne: I'm pregnant.
Niles: What does that have to do with it?
Daphne: It's my blanket excuse until the baby is born. After that, it'll be, "I can't leave the baby." Get used to it.
Daphne: Why can't your father just go to the concert by himself?
Niles: Because Alfred Antin will be offended if we don't use his tickets, and then he won't paint our nursery. (pleading) Don't you want to be the one to go with him?
Daphne: Forget it, Niles. We flipped a coin, and you were the doo-wop-a-loser.
Ronee: Frasier, what are you doing?
Frasier: I didn't know you two were home. Uh, I was just cleaning the oven, I must have dozed off.
Ronee: Cool. Well, I gotta run. Goodnight, you two.
Martin: See ya.
(He waits until she is gone, then rounds on Frasier)
Martin: You have a disease!
Frasier: Dad, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, let me explain-
Martin: No, there's nothing to explain! I told you not to eavesdrop and you did it again, you are a very sick person!
Frasier: I tried to announce myself, I had a mouthful of apple rendering me speechless!
Martin: Oh, I was a cop, you think I haven't heard that one before?
(He storms out of the kitchen, Frasier follows him)
Frasier: You are just angry because I heard you lying to Ronee. You really expect to win Ronee's heart by inventing fictitious girlfriends? "Sheila," indeed!
Martin: (floundering) It's none of your business, and... you weren't supposed to hear it!
Frasier: Well, I did hear it.
Martin: No, you overheard it. It's like an illegal wiretap - it's inadmissible!
(Martin stalks to his room, Frasier follows him)
Frasier: Dad, you cannot build a relationship on lies!
Martin: You got something you want to say, son?
Martin: Fine. (signals the waiter)
Frasier: Well, all right, if you insist on dragging it out of me. Something happened this morning, Dad.
Frasier: Well, I was, uh, walking down the hall to retrieve my coffee, and, uh, Ronee was on the phone, and I didn't want to interrupt, so I waited, and I heard her make a... a date with another man.
(Martin sits back, stunned... and takes it badly)
Martin: So you eavesdropped, huh?
Martin: Well, a person's having a private conversation. You stop and listen - that's eavesdropping!
Frasier: Dad, it was completely by accident. I understand why you'd be upset, but please don't shoot the messenger.
Martin: Well, the messenger's got it coming if he's a dirty little eavesdropper! You walk into a private conversation, you make your presence known by some subtle way. You can-can clear your throat- (clears throat) you can make a noise- (hits the table)
Frasier: Dad, please!
Martin: (gets up) You know, just because people call in for your precious pearls of wisdom on the radio, it doesn't give you a free pass to get into everybody's business! Now I know why you're always saying, "I'm listening" - because you always are!
Frasier: Niles! Thank God you're here. Listen, there's something I need to discuss with you.
Niles: Oh, wait, wait, wait. I'm in the middle of composing a plea to Alfred Antin in the meter of Dr. Seuss.
Niles: Dr. Seuss, the children's author. You know, "I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am..."
Frasier: Yes, yes, I know who Dr. Seuss is, you ninny. Who's the other guy?
Niles: Oh-oh, Alfred Antin. He's Seattle's premier scenic painter specializing in children's rooms. His billowing clouds can be seen scudding across the ceilings of the finest nurseries in town, but he's booked solid. So I thought if I wrote this...
(He notices Frasier's restless shifting)
Niles: Oh, you've lost interest, haven't you?
Frasier: I was feigning interest to begin with. Niles, I-I need your advice on something. Uh, this morning, I-I heard Ronee on the phone make a date with another man.
Niles: Are you sure?
Frasier: I'm positive. She was talking to a man, yes, and in honeyed tones.
Frasier: Here's my predicament. I-I don't want to meddle, but I also don't want to see Dad get hurt. So, how do you suggest we tell him?
Niles: (looks up, surprised) "We?"
Frasier: Yes, "we."
Niles: Don't drag me into this, I don't know a thing about it.
Frasier: You know as much as I do, I just briefed you.
Niles: Well, I didn't want to be briefed.
Frasier: Well, then you should have said something, now you're in as deep as I am! You can't unscramble an egg, Niles.
Niles: What are you talking about?!
Ronee: Listen, this really isn't a good time. I was just heading into a yoga class and... yeah. No, I would love to have dinner. That sounds fun. Okay, I'll see you then, sweetie.
(As she hangs up, Frasier retreats a step, then makes a loud entrance,
as if he just came in)
Frasier: You know, I got two steps in my room and realized I'd forgotten - ah, there it is.
(He picks up his coffee cup as Ronee sits at the piano again)
(To the tune of "There She Is, Miss America")
Ronee: (singing) There it is, Frasier's coffee cup...
Frasier: You are a national treasure.
Frasier: Well, yeah, my seat-warmer's stuck on high, so I tried to offset it by blasting the air conditioner, which resulted in sort of a fog bank on my dashboard.
Ronee: I can give you a ride, Fras. I mean, it's just an old Caddy, so there's nothing fancy like butt warmers or seat belts.
Frasier: Fine. Let me just make sure my will is in order, and I'll be back in a minute.
Ronee: (singing) Good morning, good morning, I'd like a bagel too, and schmear it, with cream cheese, thank you...
(Martin sways appreciatively, but Frasier comes out in his bathrobe,
bleary and irritable)
Frasier: Excuse me, excuse me! Did it occur to you that some of us might still be trying to sleep?
Martin: Oh, lighten up, Fras, Ronee was just showing me how she can change the lyrics to any song to suit the occasion.
Frasier: Yes, very impressive. Does she take requests?
Frasier: Stop it!
Originally scheduled to air October 21, 2003.
Title Card: The First Of Sheila
This alludes to the 1973 movie The Last of Sheila starring Richard Benjamin and Dyan Cannon.
Ronee: (singing a response to Frasier's bad mood) Got me some ham and some cakes on the griddle... thank God I'm a grumpy boy!
This parodies the John Denver song, "Thank God I'm a Country Boy".
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