Frasier and Niles look for a wealthy patron to donate money to their closing prep school. When Martin begins to date a rich socialite, the brothers believe their dilemma is solved.
Dr. Frasier Crane
Daphne Moon Crane
Dr. Niles Crane
Goof: In one scene one of the servers at Frasier and Niles's wine party trips and sprains her ankle, and is helped to a seat to sit down. However, in the next scene of Frasier and Niles talking in the kitchen, she can clearly be seen in the background serving people.
Niles: Well done, Frasier!
Frasier: Oh, Niles, I can't wait to see the expression on the headmaster's face when he sees this check for... (he looks at it) ...fifty dollars.
Frasier: Uh, well, I, I guess it's fifty dollars more than we had before.
(Martin comes back in)
Martin: Well, let's go fellas, grab my coat, will ya?
Frasier: Right, Dad.
(Frasier grabs the coat. But, when he turns around, the coat knocks
a vase off a table. He and Niles look at it, panicked. Then Frasier
puts the check down on the table and they slink out quickly)
Frasier: My, Penelope certainly has good taste.
Niles: Well of course, she likes Dad, doesn't she?
Martin: Oh, can it. I'm still mad at you guys for inviting yourselves. Now, remember, be careful what you say in front of Penelope. I've got a delicate balancing act going here, so don't mess it up.
(Penelope walks up from behind)
Penelope: Don't mess what up?
Martin: Oh, ah, uh, your lovely living room, my boys really like to rough-house.
(Frasier and Niles playfully shove at each other, Martin kisses Penelope hello)
Martin: Well, sure, I had to. You don't think I gave them both my home number, do you? Come on, Fras, that's amateur hour. See, I programmed the phone for different rings depending on who's calling, so that way I don't get caught off guard. Now, this is "William Tell", rhymes with "Estelle."
Niles: Dad is not going to let us ask his girlfriend for money.
Frasier: I didn't say "honest," I said "direct." Try to keep up, for God's sake!
Waiter: I'm sorry, ma'am, we're out of lemon bars.
Roz: Well, make some more. And give me a dirty pan. I need to put it in my sink.
Waiter: I'm sorry, our baker doesn't come in 'til tomorrow. I can give you the recipe.
Roz: What am I supposed to do with that?
Roz: Is that supposed to be funny?
Martin: Oh, all right, here's what happened. Penelope and I got along great, but after I dropped her off, I was still hungry. So I went to this little coffee shop near McGinty's for chili fries. Now, I know what you're wondering: doesn't McGinty's have chili fries? Yes, and they're very tasty, but...
Frasier: Who the hell is Estelle?!
Martin: She works in the coffee shop. We got to chattin' and the next thing you know, we're havin' a nightcap at McGinty's. Hey, when it rains, it pours.
(He edges past them)
Niles: Yes, Dad, but what about Penelope?
Martin: Oh, I'm seein' her Tuesday.
Niles: You just made a date with Estelle.
Martin: Not for Tuesday.
Niles: You're going to date both of them? Are you sure that's wise?
Martin: It's just dating. I met 'em both at the same time, I like 'em both. Where's the harm in it?
Niles: Well, don't you think that's a bit risky? What if one of them should find out?
Frasier: Penelope for example.
Niles: Yes, yes, you wouldn't want to alienate her permanently.
Martin: Oh, don't worry. I've watched you juggle. I got a pretty good handle on what not to do.
Frasier: You know, Niles, hard to believe but Penelope Janvier could actually become Dad's girlfriend.
(Nile pours two sherries)
Niles: Well, that's not so preposterous. Mom was as cultured and intelligent as they come, and he certainly made her happy.
Niles: Oh, yes it is. Eleanor Lynch. I hear she got a huge settlement from the Mariners after that bat flew into the stands and...
Frasier: No, no, no, the woman next to her. Isn't that Penelope Janvier?
Niles: Of the Penelope Janvier Foundation? Yes, it is!
Niles: Now, we should probably talk strategy before the guests get here.
Frasier: Yes, all right. We don't want to pounce. Let's let them get settled in, have a few cocktails, and when they're sufficiently relaxed comfortable, we'll shear them like Delilah!
(They laugh and the doorbell rings)
Frasier: Well, Niles, it's official: our old high school is on the verge of bankruptcy.
Niles: Well, what happened to the fundraising committee?
Frasier: We disbanded it this morning.
Niles: I don't believe it. Bryce Academy gone. No more third floor library. No more science lab.
Frasier: Oh, gosh. I stole my first kiss in that science lab. Jill Solomon. She was pretty upset about it, but I was beaming all the way to the nurse's office.
Niles: No more nurse's office! I spent many a happy gym class there. Frasier, we can't let this happen.
Niles: Actually, I just got back from visiting her at the spa. It wasn't easy, but she's already lost nine pounds and twelve ounces.
Roz: Wow, good for her! It's all about willpower.
(A waiter hands Roz a plate heaped with brownies)
Roz: Oh, thanks.
Niles: Um, I'm going back to the spa this coming weekend, if you need a ride...
Roz: Oh, these aren't for me. Alice's school is having a picnic and I'm bringing the goodies.
Niles: (looking at her cleavage) Yes, I see. Just don't get them sunburned. (off her look) I'm sorry, it's just... aren't you a little overdressed for a picnic?
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