Frasier

(Martin is reading the paper in his armchair and gets an idea when Daphne comes in with the laundry) Martin: Hey Daphne, bring that laundry over here, will you? Daphne: What for? Martin: Well, I was just reading about an intelligence test you can give your dog. You throw a towel over its head and see how long it takes him to shake it off. (calling) Eddie! (Eddie scampers in. As Daphne watches with amusement, Martin takes a small dish towel and throws it over his head.) Daphne: Oh, and the faster he takes the towel off, the smarter he is? Martin: (sarcastic) No, the faster he folds it. All right, they ranked all the dogs and the smartest was a border collie; he did it in seven seconds. (starts timing) All right, come on boy, take it off. (Eddie doesn't move) Six... seven. OK, the next fastest one was a poodle, I know he's as smart as a poodle. (counts off on his watch) OK, so he's no poodle... he's not a beagle either... or a German shepherd... or a Labrador. Oh, for God's sake, Eddie! Daphne: Yes, well, if you ask me, he's refusing to do that trick because he knows if he does it right, you'll have him doing it every time we have company. Martin: Hey, I'll bet you're right! (takes the towel off and shakes a finger at Eddie) Nice going, Eddie!

Niles: (learning a box step) This is boring yet difficult.

Niles: I've taken Maris to hundreds of these events and she has not once wanted to dance. Of course, Maris hates public displays of rhythm.

Daphne: Oh Dr. Crane, it's beautiful. Niles: Just for tonight, could you call me Niles? Daphne: You know, when I was at school, I knew a boy named Niles and I called him Niley. Niles: Just for tonight, could you call me Niles?

Niles: Oh Daphne, I adore you! Daphne: I adore you too. Niles: What?!

Frasier: What the hell was that? (he asks after seeing Niles pick Daphne up for a date) Martin: Eddie, did you hear something? It can't be Frasier, he's still on vacation.

Martin: So this one night I invited her down to the corner bar. Niles: Coroner's have their own bar? Martin: No, corner Niles, the corner bar.

Daphne: Now start with your left foot. Niles: Which one?

Martin: Take my word for it. You're sticking a fork in the toaster here. Niles: Well, my muffin's stuck!