Niles is lonely when he realizes he has no romantic prospects while everyone else is happy. He dates a younger woman but finds it difficult to keep up with her. Meanwhile, Roz takes up with Bulldog.
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Dr. Frasier Crane
Daphne Moon Crane
Dr. Niles Crane
Robert "Bulldog" Briscoe
Frasier: (on the phone, leaving a message) Hi, honey, it's Frasier. Listen, I just read a marvelous review of this charming boite out in Freemont and I thought to myself, "that is a place that Cassandra would just love," so-
Roz: (whispering urgently) Frasier!
Frasier: (aside to Roz) Not now, Roz, please.
Roz: You just called her Cassandra!
Frasier: (realizing she's right) Oh, dear God, I'm- (on the phone) My producer Roz informs me that I just called you Cassandra, I'm sorry, I don't know why I keep doing this. I know that you're Faye. Fabulous Faye! Forever Faye! Call me, Faye. (hanging up, to Roz) It is one syllable - what the hell is wrong with me?
(Roz starts laughing)
Frasier: Well, I'm glad to see that you think it's funny.
Roz: No, I don't, I just... I'm having a flashback to my summer of Ted, Todd, and Tad.
(Bulldog enters the café and comes over to their table, handing Roz a cute stuffed dog which she accepts reluctantly. Frasier gets up to move)
Bulldog: Hey, sports fans!
Frasier: Oh, uh, Bulldog, hi. You know what? You may have my seat. I'm going to sit over there. (He leaves)
Bulldog: All right. (sitting down with Roz) Hey, gorgeous.
Roz: Look, Bulldog, you and I need to talk about what's been going on between us.
Bulldog: I know.
(He takes her hand. She jerks it away)
Roz: (hissing) We're in public!
Bulldog: I know, I know. Getting dumped -ouch. It hurts like hell.
Roz: No, I don't believe this! I came here to dump you!
Bulldog: Hey, whatever you gotta say to get through this, it's okay with me.
Bulldog: I know, I know. I didn't mean to make you fall in love with me.
Roz: (inarticulate with rage) I didn't! You repulse me!..
Bulldog: (loudly, rising to leave) Hey, love hurts, Roz. And I'm not talking about the time we fell off the kitchen table. Aloha, old friend.
Roz: (grabbing the stuffed dog to attack him) Bulldog, you cuddle lousy and I'm glad you got fired!
(Bulldog exits as Roz throws the dog after him. Frasier looks on, bemused, and another café patron lowers his newspaper to get a closer view. It's Noel, looking sly)
Noel: (to Roz) (slowly) Well, timing is everything……
Roz: Back off, buzz kill!!
(She flees to the bathroom. Noel looks after her, then raises his paper again)
Frasier: You okay?
Martin: I just broke it off with Bonnie.
Frasier: Oh, gee. I'm so sorry. What happened?
Martin: Lady humped Eddie.
Frasier: Excuse me?
Martin: You heard me. It was humiliating.
Frasier: But Eddie's a boy dog and Lady's a... well, a lady.
Martin: Yes, well, that would be the humiliating part, now wouldn't it? Right in his own park in front of all those other dogs. (Frasier starts smiling) Yeah, Bonnie got a big kick out of it, too.
Martin: I told her off and that was it.
Frasier: (chuckling) I'm sorry, Dad.
Martin: It's not funny.
Frasier: I know, I know, I know. (trying to be serious, then) Was he wearing a hat? (laughs)
(Faye returns from the bathroom. Cassandra doesn't see her, and neither does Frasier at first)
Frasier: That'd be nice, yes.
Cassandra: I'm just glad we're putting all this awkwardness behind us.
Frasier: Me, too.
(She moves to hug him, and he is willing until he spots Faye approaching. Then he twists Cassandra's arm and turns it into a painful handshake that doesn't fool Faye)
Faye: (to Cassandra) Hello.
Frasier: (sweating) Well...
Roz: (jumping in) Whoa! I've gotta get back to work. (to Cassandra) Going back to the station?
Cassandra Uh, yes...
Roz: (pushing her out the door) Good, I'll walk with you. Oh my God, look at the time. We've got to hurry. Bye, Faye. Bye Frasier.
Frasier: Bye-bye. Love you.
Roz: (leaving) Yes, you do!
Faye: Who was that?
Frasier: Ah, You know Roz.
Faye: No, the other one.
Frasier: Oh, she's the, um, promotions director.
Faye: Well, she's gorgeous. Don't you think so?
Frasier: I don't know, I never really looked.
Faye: Well, don't start looking now. (giggles) [kissing him, then exiting] If I'm going to stay I should feed the meter.
Frasier: Lucky meter.
(At Café Nervosa. "Nervosa" for a reason)
Niles: (appalled) Kit, Kit, calm down-
Kit: You're tired of me? Is that what it is?
Niles: It's all right-
Kit: You've had enough of me? I gave you everything and you used me! Sex, sex, sex! The way you come to bed every night - wanting it, begging for it!
Niles: I never had to beg!
Kit: I'm just a whore to you, aren't I?
Niles: (shocked) No, don't say that!
Kit: That's all I am, your whore! Your whore from the café !
(She runs out of the cafe as Niles stands stunned amid the broken crockery. The other patrons stare at him in dead silence as he attempts to explain)
Niles: It's really more of a compatibility thing. I'm recently divorced and I've been under a lot of strain...
(Frasier goes over to rescue him)
Niles: It's been very painful for everyone...
Frasier: Niles. ..Niles, they're strangers. It's all right, Niles. Let's just pick this up, shall we?
(Frasier and Niles start gathering the broken china)
(At Granville's singles bar)
Niles: Well, here we are again - losers in love.
Frasier: Yeahh. I don't know what's wrong with me. I seem incapable of maintaining a relationship. I date a nice girl like Faye, things seem to be working out. (guilty) And I seem to find a way to blow it. It seems to be the pattern of my life. Well, except with Lilith she was just nuts.
(Roz, desperate for any form of affection has been having a strictly physical relationship with Bulldog. Bulldog, however, is starting to get serious)
Roz: He's crossed the line - he actually thinks we're dating!
Frasier: Roz, didn't your mother warn you that sex could lead to things like dating?
Niles: You're just jealous because I've got this fun-loving free spirit, and you're stuck with an uptight pastry chef whose name you can't even remember.
Frasier: Faye! Her name is Faye!
At the 1999 Emmy Awards, "Frasier" was nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series. In addition Kelsey Grammer received an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, for his performance in the episode "Merry Christmas, Mrs. Moskowitz". Also David Hyde Pierce won the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series with John Mahoney receiving a nomination for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.
Dan Butler leaves the show after this episode, although he will make guest appearances later on in the series.
Originally broadcast as part of a one-hour episode.
(Frasier, Niles and Martin can't go to their usual haunts because they've each broken up with a woman who works there. They've met at a new bar)
Frasier: (to Martin as he enters) Well, come join us here on Elba.
Elba was the island to which Napoleon was exiled in 1814 following the allied invasion of France.
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