Free Agents

Season 1 Episode 3

Episode 3

Aired Friday 10:00 PM Feb 27, 2009 on Channel 4



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Alex: I don't think Buddhism's for me. From here on I put my faith back in the old motto.
      Helen: What's that then?
      Alex: Just pretend the shit's not happening until you can get yourself a girlfriend.

    • Alex: (to Richard) Oh shut up! Sorry, you're taking the piss now. And this from the shit who dumped his pregnant girlfriend by text message ... it said in "Grazia" ...apparently.

    • Alex: We're having lunch next week to talk about me taking him on. I'm just a starter and a main course away from being a ruthless scum bastard. Stephen will be proud of me.

    • Alex: Here's something I never knew. The Buddha left four wives and a child to go off into the mountains to pursue a life of ... self reflection. The chubby guy was on my team, Helen. He's like the patron saint of bolters.

    • Alex: My Gran had a bamboo coffin. She went a bit "Friends of the Earth" when the Alzheimer's kicked in. I mean, it's all very eco-friendly, but you do worry somewhere in China, a panda's going without its dinner.

    • Alex: I think I'll probably just stay single.
      Helen: Oh. That's a bit of a waste. Think of all those new children you could walk out on.

    • Alex: This is what my funeral's going to be like. My ex and my kids there. Not talking to the other kids I might have with whoever my next two wives are going to be.

    • Stephen: You could knock. I might have been in the middle of my morning wank.
      Helen: Sorry.
      Stephen: I wouldn't have said that if I had been in the middle of my morning wank. Wouldn't have minded you walking in at all.
      Helen: Thanks. Er ... no thanks.
      Stephen: I normally knock one out around about eleven if you want to make a mental note.

    • Helen: A night in with a manic depressive is just what they need.
      Alex: I'm not a manic depressive, if you don't mind. I'm an emotional cripple.

    • Dan: Memorise names, faces, especially this award winning celtic cop, Richard Rourke. Check out who he's fucking, who they're all fucking, who they used to fuck and, crucially, who they want to fuck in the future.
      Stephen: And if any of them want to fuck any of you, then by all means, my cuntlings, put the condoms on expenses.

    • Helen: You're sleeping in a car.
      Alex: Yeah, but, you know, look on the bright side, it is my car and it is a Mercedes.
      Helen: Oh yeah, I was quite forgetting you're a very classy kind of hobo.

  • Notes

  • Allusions