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Chandlers best joke

  • Avatar of Willick-Bunch

    Willick-Bunch

    [1]Feb 19, 2008
    • member since: 12/02/07
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    Hi folks,

    since nobody of the friends ever laughs after Chandlers jokes, we have to give him some credit. What is chandlers best 'fricken' joke?

    I nominate this one from TOW the lesbian wedding:


    Monica: All right people, we're in trouble here. We've only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left. Move, move, move!

    Chandler: Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles.

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  • Avatar of ramo_zz

    ramo_zz

    [2]Feb 19, 2008
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    Very funny and also Phoebe after that is hilarious (accordig to his joke) MONICA: Do you want me to cry? Is that what you want? Do you wanna see me cry?

    PHOEBE: Sir! No sir!

    Others: Ross: "I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her"
    Chandler:"Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used"
    OR
    Monica: "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
    Chandler: "How do you find clothes that fit? "
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  • Avatar of Willick-Bunch

    Willick-Bunch

    [3]Feb 19, 2008
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    ramo_zz wrote:

    Monica: "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
    Chandler: "How do you find clothes that fit? "


    Good one :-) Which episode?
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  • Avatar of Chandie

    Chandie

    [5]Feb 19, 2008
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    From Tow Phoebe's dad (2.09)....

    Monica: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what are you gonna do?
    Chandler: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?

    And another favourite from Tow the videotape (8.04)...

    Chandler: I just don't get it. We didn't do anything wrong!
    Monica: I know. Although you did tell an awful lot of jokes.
    Chandler: I thought you said those jokes were funny! Joke, joke, joke, joke!
    Monica: Joke, joke, blah, blah!
    Chandler: Well maybe it was all of your questions.
    Monica: What was wrong with my questions?
    Chandler:The sheer volume. It was like flying with The Riddler.
    Monica: I'm sorry, was that another joke?
    Chandler: Was that another question?

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  • Avatar of Hirundine

    Hirundine

    [6]Feb 19, 2008
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    That last one was all in the delivery.

    I have two favorites. The bit where Joey catches him digging through the couch for the "Best Buds" bracelet:

    Chandler: I am on my knees... holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret... much as they did in olden times.

    And his little inner monologue from TOW The Blackout (not sure about the exact quote, but this is close):

    Jill: You want some gum?
    Chandler: Is it sugar free?
    Jill: No....
    Chandler: Then no thanks. [To himself] What am I thinking? When Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it! If she offers you a mangled animal carcass, you take it! [To Jill] On second thought, gum would be perfection. [To himself] Gum would be perfection? I could have said "Fine, thanks," coulda said "I'll have a stick," but no. With me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
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    mich_duncan_hbk

    [7]Feb 19, 2008
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    ^^^omg that's hilarious there's to much but here's a few

    when he loses his "nubin" he says "the source of all my power...what have i done"

    tow the five steaks and an eggplant when he has sex with the women and when she is talking to "bob" about how she had to bite her lips to stop from screaming bob

    when he screams when monica, joey, and him tell the rest what happened at the beach
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  • Avatar of Hirundine

    Hirundine

    [8]Feb 19, 2008
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    I suppose my two weren't technically jokes, however, so for now in that category I'll have to go with Grumpy Chandler:

    Monica: Where's Joey?
    Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?

    ...And whatever that line was about his third nipple opening the secret entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
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    stellarchick86

    [9]Feb 20, 2008
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    Chandler was my fave, so I cant really pin point one. One that comes to mind though is "hey guess what?" "the 3rd dentist caved and now they are all recommending trident?" lol...Who thinks of that? lol. There was another Chandler thread here recently and i put a bunch on there so Ill just say look at that lol.
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  • Avatar of ramo_zz

    ramo_zz

    [10]Feb 20, 2008
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    Yeah that is very funny i'll think of some more
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    SHUCKLEMAN

    [11]Feb 20, 2008
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    I like the one from TOW The Videotape.

    Monica: Oh! Was that another joke?
    Chandler: Was that another question?

    I think Chandler was funniest in season 9 though. He had very funny one-liners in the earlier seasons, but he had funnier conversations in the later seasons, and Chandler wasn't the only funny character in the later seasons, like he was in season 1.
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  • Avatar of FriendsSvuLost8

    FriendsSvuLost8

    [12]Feb 20, 2008
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    Hirundine wrote:
    I suppose my two weren't technically jokes, however, so for now in that category I'll have to go with Grumpy Chandler:

    Monica: Where's Joey?
    Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?

    ...And whatever that line was about his third nipple opening the secret entrance to the magical land of Narnia.


    Chandler: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.

    Yeah I love that line too
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  • Avatar of ramo_zz

    ramo_zz

    [13]Feb 20, 2008
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    Chandlerin Central Perk where Ross is staring at Rachel: "Could you want her anymore?"
    Ross: "Who?"
    Chandler: "Dee, the sarcastic sister from What's Happening?."

    Chandler: "She's amazing! She makes the women I dream about look like short, fat, bald men."

    Joey: "I can't go with you yelling at me like that!"
    Chandler: [turns away and then walks behind Joey ] "COME ON! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!"

    Joey's Girlfriend: "There is a child inside this man."
    Chandler: "Yes, the doctors say that if they remove it he'll die."

    Joey: "How do I look?"
    Chandler looking at Joey: "I...don't...care."

    Chandler on phone: "I got her machine."
    Joey: "Her answering machine?"
    Chandler: "No, interesting enough, her leaf blower picked up." LOL

    Chandler: "Rock . . hard place . . me"

    Chandler: "Dear god, This parachutes a knapsack!!"
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  • Avatar of Willick-Bunch

    Willick-Bunch

    [14]Feb 20, 2008
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    Frank Jr: Chandler is a girl! Chandler is a girl!
    Chandler: Oh god! Kindergarten flashback!

    Phoebe: No. No way. Sorry, not gonna happen.
    Chandler: Whoa, whoa. Prom night flashback!

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  • Avatar of drrdheroe

    drrdheroe

    [15]Feb 20, 2008
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    Ross:i think that mark guy wants to sleep with rachel

    Chandler: i did it my time machine finally works im 7 years ago

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  • Avatar of ramo_zz

    ramo_zz

    [16]Feb 20, 2008
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    And of course this is classic:

    CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight LOL LOL LOL
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  • Avatar of anyabr

    anyabr

    [17]Feb 20, 2008
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    drrdheroe wrote:

    Ross:i think that mark guy wants to sleep with rachel

    Chandler: i did it my time machine finally works im 7 years ago

    That's one of my favorite jokes in the show, the way Matthew Perry said it was amazing!! "It's seven years ago!', I remember laughing for days =)

    Another good one:

    Chandler: Joey, you have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistence!

    + that dance he does on top of Mon's coffeetable when Monica tells Rachel that her new secret boyfriend (himself) is the best sex she's ever had.

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    soulspike

    [19]Feb 20, 2008
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    ramo_zz wrote:

    Monica: "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
    Chandler: "How do you find clothes that fit? "


    PMSL
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  • Avatar of Hirundine

    Hirundine

    [20]Feb 21, 2008
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    Another that isn't technically a joke, but is the one Chandler rant I quote most often:

    Chandler: Janice was my safety net, okay? And now I have to get a snake.
    Phoebe: Uh-huh. And... why is that?
    Chandler: When I get to be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy on the subway who eats his own face? I'll be the man with the snake. Crazy Snake Man. And then I'll get more snakes, call them my babies -- kids won't walk past my place, they will run! "Run, run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!

    Also from that episode, the "Big head, big head, big head!!!" line.
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