NBC (ended 2004)
|since nobody of the friends ever laughs after Chandlers jokes, we have to give him some credit. What is chandlers best 'fricken' joke?|
That's not exactly true. In the first half of the series, the other friends often laugh at Chandler's jokes. After this, Chandler does become less funny and he turns into a guy who cracks pathetic jokes and then laughs at them himself.
This one was the best. I use it all the time, since it applies to me, too:
Chandler: 'You're such a nice guy' means: 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complain about them... to yóu!'
Other hilarious jokes:
Monica : It's not a date; it's just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.
Chandler : Sounds like a date to me.
Monica : So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.
Chandler : Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?
Chandler : You know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed. They were very nice boobies.
Rachel : 'Nice?' They were 'nice'? I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are 'nice'.
Chandler : Okay. Rock . . hard place . . me..
Chandler : Hey Rach, we've gotta settle.
Rachel : Settle what?
Chandler : The ..ah.. Jamestown colony in Virginia. You see King George is giving us the land and ...
Phoebe : Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!
Chandler : Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat.
( He calls her then hurriedly hangs up )
Chandler ( on phone ): I got her machine.
Joey : Her answering machine?
Chandler : No, interesting enough, her leaf blower picked up.
Chandler : Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Ross : ...desperate, needy, pathetic?
Chandler : Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
Joey : I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.
Chandler : Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
Ross : There was always this little voice inside that said, 'It's never gonna happen. Move on.' And you know whose voice that was?
Chandler : God?
Ross : It was you, pal.
Chandler : Well maybe it was just God doing me.
Chandler : ( about his similarity to Mr Heckles ) Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.
Rachel: Chandler, Monica just broke my seashell lamp!
Chandler: Neat. I'm gonna die alone!
Rachel: ...okay, you win.
Joey : The Ice Capades?
Chandler : No, no, the Gravel Capades. The turns are a little slower, but when Snoopy falls, FUNNY!!
Joey : Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I mean, how could I do that?
Chandler : Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know.
Chandler : ( telling Joey ) You know maybe this isn't such a big deal you know. Umm... the way I see it is, you get a great job and you get to have sex. You know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas!
Joey ( at Carol and Susan's wedding ): It just seems so futile, ya know. All these women and...nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, ya know. I have the cape and yet cannot fly.
Chandler : Well, now you understand how I feel every single day, OK. The world is my lesbian wedding.
Susie : OK, who was the guy that got caught masturbating?
Chandler : He wasn't masturbating He was looking for his bus money.
Chandler : What? ( looks around and realizes the woman walked away because of the bracelet Joey gave him )
Oh this is excellent. You know, he could've gotten me a VCR, he could've gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no. He has to get me the woman repeller. The eyesore from the Liberace House of Crap!!
Phoebe : It's not that bad.
Chandler : Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection.
Chandler : Hey, big guy. Game time!
Richard : Be right there.
Monica : There's a game?
Chandler : Uh, yeah. I just got my pick-up sticks back from the shop. Bring your nerves of steel!
LoL just like said before
1-you have to stop the Q-tip when there is resistance,although i've gone to alot of places to get this joke into my mind LoL
2-and i like when he says to monica "I dont love you because you are organized,i love you inspite of that" I always use this line lol
TOW The Rumour: I'm sorry. In high school you made out with a 50 year old woman Ross: She didnt look 50 Chandler: Did she look 16?
TOW In Barbados: Your hand is blistered, you can barely stand, your hair is inexplicable! Okay, you've already proven you are just as good as he is. Now we've missed our dinner reservations. So now let's just go upstairs, order room service, take a shower, and shave your head!
|ok I have two [Rachel walks in wearing a pink bridesmaid dress] Chandler: I'm sorry, we don't have your sheep. [Ross practices dirty talk with Joey's help not knowing Chandler's behind him; Chandler makes noise, they stop] Chandler: With?...|
Good ones This is also one of his BEST lines:
CHANDLER:" Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance... ya know, make a little love... well pretty much get down tonight."
I thought of a few today that hes said but now I cant remember what they are, so heres just 2 I remember.
(after seeing Ronnie): Oh look Joey! Theres the woman we ordered.
And Joey: Ive been thinking. You know how Ive been seeing girls on top of girls... Chandler: You mean, end to end or tall like pancakes? LOL.