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NBC (ended 2004)

Chandlers best joke

  • Avatar of WoollyRedHat

    WoollyRedHat

    [61]Mar 16, 2008
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    The one where he doesn't cry at the movies and then later on they ask him why he doesn't cry

    Joey: Come on, man, there's gotta be something that gets you choked up! Like uh, uh... Oh! What if you saw a three-legged puppy?
    Chandler: I'd be sad, sure, but I wouldn't cry.
    Joey: Okay, what if the puppy said, "Help me, Chandler. All the other puppies pick on me."
    Chandler: Cry? I just found a talking puppy! I'm rich!

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  • Avatar of stellarchick86

    stellarchick86

    [62]Mar 18, 2008
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    How could I forget this one, I dont think anyones mentioned it before.

    Ross: Well me and Julie are going to go to bed, its actually 12:00 midnight over there Chandler: Okay, well dont tell us what happens yet I want to be surprised

    LMAO
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  • Avatar of ramo_zz

    ramo_zz

    [63]Mar 20, 2008
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    Another great one:

    "Yeah , either that,or Gloria Estefen was right: The rythm is going to get you" ROFL
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  • Avatar of MisterMatthews

    MisterMatthews

    [64]Apr 11, 2008
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    TOW The Thumb; they're all watching tv:

    Chandler: "How OLD is that sock? Sure, if I had a sock on my hand for 30 years, it'd be talking too."

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  • Avatar of cheezygirl13

    cheezygirl13

    [65]Apr 14, 2008
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    Pheope: If you had to give up something what would it be sex or food?

    monica: sex

    chandler: seriously, anser quicker.

    monica: I'm sorry hunny, I wasn't thinking about sex with you.

    Chandler: Its like a giant hug.

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  • Avatar of ramo_zz

    ramo_zz

    [66]Apr 15, 2008
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    "Just remember to wake us up before you go go"
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  • Avatar of SHUCKLEMAN

    SHUCKLEMAN

    [67]Apr 16, 2008
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    In TOW The Memorial Service, after Chandler posted on the website about Ross dying.

    (Ross walks through the door)
    Ross : I'm dead!
    Chandler : And so young.
    Ross : Look Chandler, that's not funny, my parents are going to get phone calls, your messing with people's feelings.
    Chandler : Well, how you died was funny.
    Ross : Hit by a blimp?
    Chandler : It kills over 1 Americans every year!
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  • Avatar of ramo_zz

    ramo_zz

    [68]Apr 16, 2008
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    SHUCKLEMAN wrote:
    In TOW The Memorial Service, after Chandler posted on the website about Ross dying. (Ross walks through the door) Ross : I'm dead! Chandler : And so young. Ross : Look Chandler, that's not funny, my parents are going to get phone calls, your messing with people's feelings. Chandler : Well, how you died was funny. Ross : Hit by a blimp? Chandler : It kills over 1 Americans every year!

    ROFL yeah...that was so funny... Chandler sure has so many incredible jokes

    Edited on 04/16/2008 12:55pm
    Edited 2 total times.
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  • Avatar of SHUCKLEMAN

    SHUCKLEMAN

    [69]Apr 17, 2008
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    ramo_zz wrote:

    SHUCKLEMAN wrote:
    In TOW The Memorial Service, after Chandler posted on the website about Ross dying. (Ross walks through the door) Ross : I'm dead! Chandler : And so young. Ross : Look Chandler, that's not funny, my parents are going to get phone calls, your messing with people's feelings. Chandler : Well, how you died was funny. Ross : Hit by a blimp? Chandler : It kills over 1 Americans every year!

    ROFL yeah...that was so funny... Chandler sure has so many incredible jokes



    Yeah, he does. I like it in TOW Monica Sings too, when Ross confronts Chandler about what he saw at Rachel's birthday party.

    Chandler: Hey!
    Ross: Yeah! Yeah! OK! Sure! Look! Can we...can we talk about what happened here last night?
    Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who ever
    did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!
    Ross: OK you...you really don't know what I am talking about?
    Chandler: No!
    Ross: OK! Last night after the party I saw Rachel kissing that jerk from her office out on your balcony.
    Chandler: Our balcony? Seriously? That's so funny because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony. And she said
    "No, no. It's too cold, nobody will go out there." And I said "Maybe if we put some light out there they will"
    Ross: Right that's why I came over to talk about. Hum...I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony,
    even though there were NO LIGHTS !
    Chandler: So are you gonna...talk to her?
    Ross: Why...Why should I? I mean if she wants to move on, that's fine!
    Chandler: You know when "That's fine" sounds true when someone yells it and spits!
    Ross: No I'm serious. I mean she wants to date people? Fine! I don't care but...at least she could have told me. You know
    I...I've been putting my life on hold and just concentrating on Emma but if she wants to go out there kissing guys she
    barely knows, then so will I ! Very funny! Ross is gay Ah! Ah!
    Chandler: No no no. Good. So you're moving on? Do you have any idea where you're moving?
    Ross: I don't know. I mean I have plenty of opportunity. Just just now there were some women at the coffee house smiled at me.
    And then the other day on the subway a woman "accidentally" sat on my hand.
    Chandler: Dude, don't rub my face in your crazy single life!
    Ross: Well, and how about this? There is an anthropologist at school who totally came on to me during the inter-departmental Potluck dinner.
    Chandler: Why did I get married?!

    Chandler is so funny in that scene. It must be annoying to be around someone so sarcastic as him. lol. It's also funny later in the episode when Chandler goes to see Monica sing, and he noticed why people like her so much, and goes up on the stage to sing a random song and yells at that guy for touching himself. rofl.

    He's also funny in TOW Ross's Innapropriate Song.

    Joey : Hi Chandler.
    Chandler : Don't judge me I'm only human!
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  • Avatar of ramo_zz

    ramo_zz

    [71]Apr 17, 2008
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    SHUCKLEMAN wrote:


    Ross: Yeah! Yeah! OK! Sure! Look! Can we...can we talk about what happened here last night?
    Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who ever
    did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do ...I mean come on!!

    That was sooo funny! especially his tone
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  • Avatar of stellarchick86

    stellarchick86

    [72]Apr 18, 2008
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    You guys mentioned some good ones..Man I love Chandler. I wish they did a spinoff with him instead of Joey, although it wouldnt have made sense with Monica and the babies and everything, but if he was still single Chandler Id say heck yeah.

    I love when hes talking to someone and he goes 'Im not good at dispensing advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?' I think hes talkin to Rachel but im not positive but its the way he said it.
    "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference."
    "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name."
    I love those ones too, Im sure someones said those but i forget and I dont wanna look through all the pages lol
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  • Avatar of Deedsie

    Deedsie

    [73]Apr 18, 2008
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    I think it was...

    Chandler: Handle is my middle name. Actually its the middle part of my first name.

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  • Avatar of stellarchick86

    stellarchick86

    [74]Apr 18, 2008
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    Deedsie wrote:

    I think it was...

    Chandler: Handle is my middle name. Actually its the middle part of my first name.



    Thats what I said, except I forgot 'part'.
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  • Avatar of MisterMatthews

    MisterMatthews

    [75]Apr 19, 2008
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    stellarchick86 wrote:
    I love when hes talking to someone and he goes 'Im not good at dispensing advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?' I think hes talkin to Rachel but im not positive but its the way he said it.

    Didn't he say something like this to David in 'The One in Barbados'?

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  • Avatar of stellarchick86

    stellarchick86

    [76]Apr 19, 2008
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    MisterMatthews wrote:

    stellarchick86 wrote:
    I love when hes talking to someone and he goes 'Im not good at dispensing advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?' I think hes talkin to Rachel but im not positive but its the way he said it.

    Didn't he say something like this to David in 'The One in Barbados'?



    Thats what I thought at first, but then I thought he said it earlier on. And then I thought one time Rachel went to him for guy advice or something and he said something like that. Because there was the time around Christmas when he set her up and he ended up tellin the guys how she wasnt looking for anything serious, and then Chandler told her about the whole Ross thing so she felt that was his fault when it didnt work out (to a degree) and then I thought there was another time or 2 I cant remember..but yeah it was probably the David thing.
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    Axl_HBK

    [77]Apr 21, 2008
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    I can't remeber the quote exactly but it was the one where Joey has a stalker and she's outside the door

    Joey: *holding a frying pan*

    Chandler: yeah thats a good idea, but maybe we should come up with a back up plan in case she isn't a cartoon!

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    SHUCKLEMAN

    [78]Apr 24, 2008
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    ^Chandler said to Rachel, about the Joey problem in the middle of season 8.

    Chandler : I'm not so good with the advice. Could I interest you with a sarcastic comment? Some cheese?

    In The One In Barbados, Part 1 (which, I'd like to mention, is my favorite part of all the finales. Part 2 stops TO In Barbados being my favorite finale overall though, unfortunately) the conversation is:

    David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?

    Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.

    David: Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?

    Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.

    David: Sorry, I just... I wish there was something I could do, you know? Well, you know Phoebe...

    Chandler: Seriously, we're gonna do this?

    David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?

    Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?

    David: That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!

    Chandler: What?

    David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.

    Chandler: I didn't mean now...

    David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.

    Chandler: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.

    David: (after a while) How do you think I should propose?

    Chandler: David, I'm pretending to read here!!
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    stellarchick86

    [79]Apr 24, 2008
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    SHUCKLEMAN wrote:
    ^Chandler said to Rachel, about the Joey problem in the middle of season 8.

    Chandler : I'm not so good with the advice. Could I interest you with a sarcastic comment? Some cheese?

    In The One In Barbados, Part 1 (which, I'd like to mention, is my favorite part of all the finales. Part 2 stops TO In Barbados being my favorite finale overall though, unfortunately) the conversation is:

    David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?

    Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.

    David: Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?

    Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.

    David: Sorry, I just... I wish there was something I could do, you know? Well, you know Phoebe...

    Chandler: Seriously, we're gonna do this?

    David: I'm sorry, uh... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?

    Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?

    David: That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!

    Chandler: What?

    David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.

    Chandler: I didn't mean now...

    David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.

    Chandler: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.

    David: (after a while) How do you think I should propose?

    Chandler: David, I'm pretending to read here!!


    Wow, thanks Shuckleman, youre awesome. I thought it was to Rachel but wasnt 100%.
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  • Avatar of MisterMatthews

    MisterMatthews

    [80]Apr 25, 2008
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    Monica: Are you saying I smell bad?

    Joey: No, you smell like a meadow. (Sees the other's reactions.) I'm sorry. (Leaves quickly.)

    Rachel: What's with him?

    Chandler: Oh, you know what, the last time Joey went to a meadow his mother was shot by a hunter.

    I crack up only thinking about it.

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