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NBC (ended 2004)

Dirtiest jokes on Friends

  • Avatar of that70sshow2000

    that70sshow2000

    [1]Dec 3, 2006
    • member since: 12/19/05
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 2,049
    Name them here!

    Joey just gave Chandler a gift--a gold, metal braclet
    Joey: Oh, and do you have any idea what this will do for your sex life?
    Chandler: Well it'll probably slow it down at first, but once I get used to the extra weight I'll be back on track.

    Monica is teaching Phoebe interviewing skills, and Monica shakes Phoebe's hand at the end
    Phoebe: Oh! Ouch!
    Monica: What? Did I squeeze too hard?
    Phoebe: Lets just say, I'm glad I'm not Chandler.

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  • Avatar of tafj73

    tafj73

    [2]Dec 3, 2006
    • member since: 07/17/06
    • level: 30
    • rank: Anchorman
    • posts: 3,875

    Here are a few:

    #1: TOW The Cheap Wedding Dress (season 7) - Joey and Ross just finished their argument in front of Kristin, the girl they both dated.

    Joey:  When do you think we lost her?

    Ross:  Probably around gonorrhea....

    Waiter:  Geller, table of two?

    Ross (to Joey):  You hungry?

    Joey:  Does a bear sh*t in the woods?

    #2: TOW Monica's Boots (season 8 ) - Ross is talking to the baby via Rachel's stomach.  Phoebe looks on.

    Ross:  That's right, I love you!  And-and I'm gonna play with you all the time.

    Phoebe:  How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?

    Rachel:  (pause)  He's talking to the baby!....

    Phoebe:  Ohh...okay!! (pause)  Okay, 'cause when he said, "I can't wait to hear your first words," I thought, 'There's a trick!'

    #3: TOW The Blind Dates (season 9) - Joey returns Emma to Monica and Chandler's apartment after he hears them having sex.

    Monica (to Joey):  Why the hell did you take her??

    Joey:  Because you two were having sex!

    Monica:  No, we weren't!!

    Joey:  Don't you lie to me!  I could tell by Chandler's hair.  (To Chandler)  You are so lazy.  Can't you get on top for once??

    Edited on 12/03/2006 1:59pm
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  • Avatar of LB80

    LB80

    [3]Dec 3, 2006
    • member since: 11/01/05
    • level: 65
    • rank: Chosen One
    • posts: 1,629

    From TOW Ross's Thing - season 3:

    Ross: I was in the shower, and I felt something.

    Chandler: Was it like a sneeze, only better?

    LOL

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  • Avatar of Jessica222

    Jessica222

    [4]Dec 4, 2006
    • member since: 02/07/06
    • level: 7
    • rank: Talk Show Host
    • posts: 291

    'It's not that common, it's doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!'

    poor ross... lol

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  • Avatar of Chandie

    Chandie

    [5]Dec 4, 2006
    • member since: 07/23/05
    • level: 4
    • rank: Thighmaster
    • posts: 375
    Monica: Well, it turns out that Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with that prison guy... it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way. Chandler: Oh God! What was it? The thing that we hardly ever do or the thing we never do?

    Monica: The thing we never do.

    Chandler: Shovely Joe!
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  • Avatar of Jaydawg2089

    Jaydawg2089

    [6]Dec 4, 2006
    • member since: 09/13/06
    • level: 10
    • rank: Holy Level 10!
    • posts: 484
    Joey's interviewing new roommates after Chandler moves in with Monica.

    Joey: Let's do a little word association. I'll say a word and you tell me next thing that comes to your mind. Okay? Pillow.
    Girl: Fight
    Joey: Very good. G.
    Girl: String?
    Joey: Excellent! Last one. Doggie.
    Girl: Kittie!
    Joey: No I'm sorry, wrong answer.
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  • Avatar of Jessica222

    Jessica222

    [8]Dec 5, 2006
    • member since: 02/07/06
    • level: 7
    • rank: Talk Show Host
    • posts: 291

    monica: "thats my motto, get out before they go down"

    joey: "thats so not my motto"

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  • Avatar of MissEllen

    MissEllen

    [9]Dec 5, 2006
    • member since: 08/06/06
    • level: 1
    • rank: Weatherman
    • posts: 73
    When Ross and Joey are looking at the cook book that Rachel used to make her trifle, and discover that the pages are stuck together, and Joey says "Chandler!"
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  • Avatar of lilsquaredude12

    lilsquaredude12

    [11]Dec 5, 2006
    • member since: 06/22/05
    • level: 8
    • rank: Super-Friend
    • posts: 442

    There are a few when Rachel decides to try her hand at writing erotic novels, like this one, lol

    Ross: Wait til you get to the part about his throbbing pens....you do not wanna be around when he starts writing with those!!!

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  • Avatar of tafj73

    tafj73

    [12]Dec 6, 2006
    • member since: 07/17/06
    • level: 30
    • rank: Anchorman
    • posts: 3,875

    Phoebe is giving Monica a massage at the end of TOW The Secret Closet:

    Monica: Ohh. Oh! Ohh!

    Phoebe: Come on more!

    Monica: Oh God!

    Phoebe: Yeah, you like that don’t you?

    Monica: Oh yeah right there!

    Phoebe: You want it there? You take it there baby!

    Monica: Uh, Phoebe?

    Phoebe: Yeah, say my name. Say it!

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  • Avatar of that70sshow2000

    that70sshow2000

    [13]Dec 6, 2006
    • member since: 12/19/05
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 2,049
    Ross and Rachel are in the apartment hallway talking about when they were together.
    Rachel: Hey, you know what we never did?
    Ross gives her a surprising look.
    Rachel: Oh, no. Not that.

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  • Avatar of xdylancolex

    xdylancolex

    [14]Dec 6, 2006
    • member since: 10/10/06
    • level: 19
    • rank: Fall Guy
    • posts: 2,508
    Mike: meh, i don't care which one of them i beat
    Phoebe: Okay, we're taking that paddle home Mr.

    (i think it means what i think it means)
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  • Avatar of that70sshow2000

    that70sshow2000

    [15]Dec 6, 2006
    • member since: 12/19/05
    • level: 15
    • rank: Ginsu Knife
    • posts: 2,049
    Ross, Joey, and Rachel are sitting in Central Perk talking about Rachel's erotic novel.
    Ross: (drinks coffee) Damn, this coffee's cold. Rach, do you mind if I warm it up on your loins?
    Rachel: (to Joey) You told him about my novel? Joey!
    Ross: So I guess you bought that book after we broke up.
    Rachel: Yeah. I wore out the firsy copy when we were together.
    Rachel heads to the door to leave.
    Ross: (following Rachel yelling) Oh yeah? Well when we were going out I rented tons of porno magazines!
    Two women sitting nearby hear him giving him a creepy look.
    Ross: (to the ladies) S'up?
    Phoebe enters.
    Phoebe: Ross, how could you do that to an old man?
    The same two women give Ross an even creepier look.
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  • Avatar of xdylancolex

    xdylancolex

    [16]Dec 7, 2006
    • member since: 10/10/06
    • level: 19
    • rank: Fall Guy
    • posts: 2,508
    that70sshow2000 wrote:
    Ross, Joey, and Rachel are sitting in Central Perk talking about Rachel's erotic novel.
    Ross: (drinks coffee) Damn, this coffee's cold. Rach, do you mind if I warm it up on your loins?
    Rachel: (to Joey) You told him about my novel? Joey!
    Ross: So I guess you bought that book after we broke up.
    Rachel: Yeah. I wore out the firsy copy when we were together.
    Rachel heads to the door to leave.
    Ross: (following Rachel yelling) Oh yeah? Well when we were going out I rented tons of porno magazines!
    Two women sitting nearby hear him giving him a creepy look.
    Ross: (to the ladies) S'up?
    Phoebe enters.
    Phoebe: Ross, how could you do that to an old man?
    The same two women give Ross an even creepier look.


    that's is like such bad luck!! he said and had ppl to him the wrong stuff at the wrong time..but it's halarious!!
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  • Avatar of Red-rumm

    Red-rumm

    [17]Dec 7, 2006
    • member since: 11/16/06
    • level: 7
    • rank: Talk Show Host
    • posts: 451
    The scene when Monica and Rachel are teaching Chandler "the zones".
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  • Avatar of xdylancolex

    xdylancolex

    [18]Dec 7, 2006
    • member since: 10/10/06
    • level: 19
    • rank: Fall Guy
    • posts: 2,508
    hahahah funny ^^ especially 5,7..6,7..7,7,7,7,7,(7 fingers up)
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  • Avatar of tafj73

    tafj73

    [19]Dec 7, 2006
    • member since: 07/17/06
    • level: 30
    • rank: Anchorman
    • posts: 3,875

    Red-rumm wrote:
    The scene when Monica and Rachel are teaching Chandler "the zones".
    Chandler: (Points to one) That’s one?

    Monica: It’s kind of an important one!

    Chandler: Oh, y’know-y’know what, I was looking at it upside down.

    Rachel: Well, y’know, sometimes that helps.

    Edited on 12/07/2006 9:43am
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  • Avatar of tafj73

    tafj73

    [20]Dec 7, 2006
    • member since: 07/17/06
    • level: 30
    • rank: Anchorman
    • posts: 3,875

    Phoebe at her bachelorette party:

    Phoebe: You know, the strippers, and the guys dancing, and you know, pee-pee's flying about.

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