Friends Season 2 Episode 18

Monica: It's not going happen. They're doing it tonight, we can do it tomorrow.
Richard: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...

Rachel: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
Ross: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea: why don't you invite Paolo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.

Rachel: Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sex. Okay, you know, that sounded so much better in my head.

Ross: (About the number of guys Rachel has slept with) Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic number?
Rachel: Uh, no.
Ross: Come on, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.
Rachel: Well, there's you.
Ross: Better not be doing these in order.

Monica: (About the number of guys Monica has slept with) Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small percentage.

Phoebe: All right I have to make a speech. I just want to say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
Richard: Oh, thank you Pheebs. That's very sweet.
Phoebe: Okay.
Richard: Hear that? She likes me best, and apparently there have been a lot.
Monica: Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy.
Rachel: Phoebe's dead.

Monica: You know, I was thinking. You know how we always stay at your apartment? Well, I thought maybe tonight we'd stay at my place.
Richard: I don't know, I don't have my jammies.
Monica: Well, maybe you don't need them.
Ross: My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen.

Rachel: (About Joey's Days of Our Lives character) Well, maybe they can find a way to bring you back.
Joey: Nah, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or something.

Chandler: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
Eddie: That's very interesting, ya know, 'cause that's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.

Chandler: So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets?

Phoebe: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
Eddie: Yeah alright. That sounds alright.
Phoebe: Oh good, okay. Oh no, I have to go because I'm late for my, um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um, tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye.

Chandler: (About foosball) Pheebs, play with me
Phoebe: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ah, hello, human-rights violation.

Rachel: So what happens next?
Joey: Well, I get the medical award for separating the Siamese twins, then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half brother "Ramon" and that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big, but it's cursed.
Chandler: God, that is good TV!

Rachel: (Watching Days of Our Lives) She just found out that she was cut out of the will.
Phoebe: Doesn't she know you can't define yourself in terms of money? That it's about values and morals and your ability to give and receive love.
Rachel: No.

Tilly: I'm Tilly.
Chandler: Oh.
Tilly: I gather by that oh that he told you about me.
Chandler: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.