Friends Season 9 Episode 13

Rachel: (About Gavin's present) There is a thin line between love and hate, and it turns out that line is a scarf.

Chandler: Okay, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage? Well I earned mine by plucking the eyebrows of my father and his "business" partners.

Chandler: (About Monica's showing dress) Are those my wife's nipples?

Ross: This is great. Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys until she finds the one she wants and I'm gonna die alone.
Chandler: By drowning or...?!

Chandler: Hey it's the most eligible man in New York. How's the moving on going?
Ross: Not well. I went on the subway again and someone did sit on my hand, but that person was neither female nor wearing pants.
Chandler: Well maybe you're going about this the wrong way. You know I mean think about it: single white male, divorced three times, two illegitimate children. The personal ad writes itself...
Ross: That's funny... Do you think you'll ever work again?
Chandler: What are you doing? You know I can only dish it out!

Ross: Yeah! Yeah! Okay! Sure! Look! Can we... can we talk about what happened here last night?
Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you! Do you believe that who ever did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do... I mean come on!

Joey: Hey!
Rachel: Hi. Can Emma and I live here for a while?
Joey: Ha, oh, of course.
Rachel: Thank you... Your eyebrows look weird.

Joey: So do you get a lot of guys in here?
Sonya: Oh absolutely.
Joey: Oh, good.
Sonya: Yeah, you looking to meet somebody?
Joey: All right, let's just do this.
Sonya: Okay, we'll get to the wax in a minute. First, I want to tweeze some of the strays, okay? Now, this may sting just a little bit.
Joey: Please, I have an extremely high threshold-- (Sonya pulls out an eyebrow hair) Holy Mother of God! Oh, My face! My face!

Joey: I'm here for my eyebrow appointment.
Receptionist: Name?
Joey: Chandler Bing.

Rachel: Why didn't I get that message?
Ross: What?
Rachel: From the guy in the bar, why didn't I get that message?
Ross: Because I folded it up and put it in my pants pocket, do you ... do you not look there?

Gavin: What's Ross doing to you in that picture?
Rachel: Oh, he's dusting me with a fossil brush.

Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wow. Five months of maternity leave, four days back, you kiss a co-worker and call in sick... They are lucky to have you!

Ross: (About Rachel) If she wants to move on, that's fine!
Chandler: You know when "that's fine" sounds believable? When someone yells it, and spits.

Rachel: You know I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation with you. About us! But I can't do that with someone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment!
Ross: None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me! (Realizing what he just said) That's not the point. Okay? The point is you... you are the one who moved on and didn't tell anyone!
Rachel: Oh, Ross, this is just so messed up! What's wrong with us? You know, when people hear about our situation they always ask, "What, you live together but you're not a couple? And you have a baby, isn't that weird?" And I say "No. You know what, it's not, because it works for us!" But you know this doesn't work. In fact this is the opposite of working.
Ross: Uh, clearly.
Rachel: And you know, we said that we would, we would live together as long as this makes sense. And maybe this, you know, just doesn't make sense anymore.
Ross: Yeah, maybe not.

Phoebe: (About Monica) Can you totally see through that shirt?
Mike: Like an X-ray. Bad day not to wear a bra.

Ross: Hey, check out those two blondes over there. Hey, come with me.
Chandler: Are you trying to get everyone divorced?
Ross: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it's the two of us, like college. Remember? First you break the ice with some kind of a joke, so they know that you're the funny one. Then I swoop in, with some interesting conversation, so they'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one.
Chandler: I thought I got to make the jokes.

Rachel: I kissed Gavin last night.
Monica: You kissed him?
Rachel: Yeah, it was after the party, we were on the balcony, and...
Monica: Wait, wait, wait. I was home the whole time, how did I miss that?
Phoebe: It was the end of the party, you were probably ironing wrapping paper.
Monica: Oh yeah.

Ross: Hi! I could help not notice, but that's an unusual necklace
Woman: You already hit on me an hour ago
Ross: Right, so that's a firm "no".