Season 9 Episode 13

The One Where Monica Sings

Aired Thursday 8:00 PM Jan 30, 2003 on NBC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Ross: (coming into Chandler's apartment all flustered) Yeah! Yeah! Okay! Sure! Look! Can we... can we talk about what happened here last night?!
      Chandler: Sure! Just give me a second to get all huffy and weird like you... (raising his voice) Do you believe that whoever did something over here last night did what they did or didn't do... I mean, c'mon!!

    • Ross: (about Rachel) If she wants to move on, that's fine!
      Chandler: You know when "that's fine" sounds true? When someone yells it, and spits!

    • Joey: (to Monica and Phoebe in Central Perk) Hey, uh, let me ask you guys somethin'... I'm havin' new head-shots taken tomorrow, right? ...and the photographer said that she thinks I should have my eyebrows waxed. Is that weird... for a guy?
      Phoebe: Well, it depends...
      Joey: On...?
      Phoebe: ...on how far along he is in the sex-change process.

    • Rachel: I kissed Gavin last night.
      Monica: You kissed him?
      Rachel: Yeah, it was after the party. We were on the balcony, and...
      Monica: Wait, wait, wait. I was home the whole time... how did I miss that?
      Phoebe: It was the end of the party. You were probably ironing wrapping paper.
      Monica: (remembering fondly and smiling) Oh, yeah...

    • Rachel: (about Gavin's present) There is a thin line between love and hate... and it turns out that line... is a scarf...

    • Phoebe: (to Rachel) Wow! Five months maternity leave, you're back for four days, kiss a co-worker and call in sick... They are lucky to have you!

    • Joey: I'm here for my eyebrow appointment.
      Receptionist: Name?
      Joey: Chandler Bing.

    • Joey: (to the beautician who's about to wax his eyebrows) So, do you get a lot of guys in here?
      Sonya: Oh, absolutely.
      Joey: Oh, good.
      Sonya: Yeah, you looking to meet somebody?
      Joey: Alright, let's just do this!
      Sonya: Okay, we'll get to the wax in a minute... First, I want to tweeze some of the strays, okay? Now, this may sting just a little bit. (moves in to pluck an eyebrow hair) 
      Joey: Please, I have an extremely high threshold... (pluck!) Holy mother of God! Oh, my face! My face!

    • Chandler: Hey, it's the most eligible man in New York! How's the "moving on" going?
      Ross: Not well. I went on the subway again and someone did sit on my hand, but that person was neither female nor wearing pants.
      Chandler: Well, maybe you're going about this the wrong way. Y'know, I mean, think about it... single white male, divorced three times, two illegitimate children... The personal ad writes itself!
      Ross: That's funny... Do you think you'll ever work again?
      Chandler: What are you doing? You know I can only dish it out!

    • Ross: Hey, check out those two blonds over there. Hey, come with me.
      Chandler: Are you trying to get everyone divorced?
      Ross: You don't have to do anything. It will just be easier if it's the two of us... like college, remember? First, you break the ice with some kind of a joke so they know that you're the funny one, then I swoop in with some interesting conversation so they'll see that I'm the brilliant, brooding, sexy one.
      Chandler: I thought I got to make the jokes.

    • Chandler: (to Ross) Swoop! Swoop!

    • Ross: (to one of the blonds he's trying to hit on with Chandler's help) Oh, hey... I notice you're reading the paper. Uh... another flood in Europe, huh? Um, here's a question... would you rather drown or be burned alive?
      Blond: Sorry... we're just leaving.
      (The two blonds get up and leave Central Perk)
      Chandler: (facetiously to Ross) We've still got it!

    • Gavin: (to Rachel at Ross's apartment) What's Ross doing to you in that picture?
      Rachel: Oh... he's dusting me with a fossil brush.

    • Ross: (to a woman in Central Perk) Hi! I, uh... I couldn't help but notice, but that's an unusual necklace...
      Woman: You already hit on me an hour ago.
      Ross: Right, so that's a firm "No".

    • Ross: This is great. Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys until she finds the one she wants and I'm gonna die alone.
      Chandler: By drowning, or...?

    • Phoebe: (about Monica on stage) Can you totally see through her shirt?
      Mike: Like an X-ray... Bad day not to wear a bra.

    • Chandler: (about to correct Joey's mismatched eyebrows) Okay, you know how most kids get their allowance from mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage? Well I earned mine by plucking the eyebrows of my father and his "business partners".

    • Chandler: (about Monica's transparent blouse) Are those my wife's nipples?

    • (Ross has brought a girl he met at Central Perk home to his apartment)
      : (having found his framed diploma) Ross... you didn't tell me you were a doctor!
      Rachel: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute! You haven't even told her you were a doctor yet? How long have you known her... like, an hour?
      Michelle: Actually... about an hour and a half.
      Ross: I told you it wasn't long, but there is an amazing connection between us.
      Michelle: You feel that too? Oh! ...I thought that was just me!
      Ross: Are you kidding?
      Michelle: Hey, do you wanna go away this weekend?
      Ross: We'll see...
      Rachel: Okay, Ross, what's going on here? ...are we just bringing strange women back to the apartment now?
      Ross: I don't know... are we just kissing guys on balconies?
      Rachel: How do you know about that?
      Ross: Through the magic of sight!

    • Rachel: (about Michelle) Is that what this is all about? You bring her up here to get back at me?!
      Michelle: No, actually, see, I had to pee, 'cause I can't use public bathrooms because of the doody parasite...?
      Ross: Okay, Michelle. It's time to go. (manhandles her out the door)
      Michelle: Well, call me...
      Ross: Okay...
      Michelle: No, wait! You don't have my phone number!
      Ross: Um, you know what? If it's meant to be... I'll guess it.

    • Rachel: Why didn't I get that message?
      Ross: What?
      Rachel: From the guy in the bar. Why didn't I get that message?
      Ross: Because I... folded it up and put it in my pants pocket. Do you... do you not look there?

    • Rachel: You know, I actually came in here hoping to have a mature conversation with you about us! But I can't do that with someone who hides my messages and brings crazy women back to my apartment!
      Ross: Hey! None of the sane ones wanted to come back with me! (realizing the absurdity of what he just said) That's not the point, okay? The point is you... you are the one who moved on and didn't tell anyone!
      Rachel: Oh, Ross, this is just so messed up! What's wrong with us? Y'know, when people hear about our situation they always ask, "What? live together but you're not a couple? ...and you have a baby--isn't that weird?" And I say "No. You know what, it's not, because it works for us!" But y'know... this doesn't work. In fact this is the opposite of working...
      Ross: Uh, clearly.
      Rachel: And you know, we said that we would... we would live together as long as this makes sense... and maybe this, y'know... just doesn't make sense anymore...
      Ross: Yeah, maybe not.

    • Joey: (answering the door to find Rachel there) Hey!
      Rachel: Hi... Can Emma and I live here for awhile?
      Joey: (stammering) Uh... of course.
      Rachel: Thank-you... (hugging Joey) Your eyebrows look weird.

  • Notes

  • Allusions